Rush Limbaugh, Charlie Sheen and Urinal Cakes Star in The Orange County Interwebs Horror Show
Yup, you'll find all this and more in this week's collection of things written from and about Orange County on the Interwebs.
Long-Haired, Maggot-Infested, FM-Type Students of the World Unite . . . With Rush Limbaugh? Darren, a Huntington Beach college student, has had it with that socialist liar in the White House preventing him from finding work, so he called the Rush Limbaugh Show recently to vent. But the nation's No. 1 talk-radio personality really lit up after Darren described himself as "a long-haired hippie, pierced-out, tattoo-covered Republican." Cutting in, Limbaugh asked, "You say you're a long-haired, maggot-infested, hippie-type-looking guy?" When he got the mega-ditto, Rush invited Darren to the upcoming CPAC convention, probably because the kid sounded like the type who could easily score some Oxy. (RushLimbaugh.com)
From Muffin Tops to Ta-Tas Dr. Michael Niccole, who has cosmetic-surgery offices in Newport Beach and Long Beach, takes fat harvested from a woman's love handles and stuffs it into her chest to enhance her boobs. He claims this is safer and more natural than implants, especially for cancer patients and survivors loathe to go the silicone route. The procedure has been around for a long time, but Niccole claims he is a leader, having performed such surgeries through his CosmetiCare practice for 30 years. Indeed, he claims to now be "ahead of the curve" when it comes to the procedure. Uh, Doc, shouldn't that be ahead of the curves? (CosmetiCare.com)
You'll Laugh, You'll Cry Until This Becomes a Part of You An Aliso Viejo-based pharmaceutical company trumpets U.S. Food and Drug Administration approval of its prescription medication that may help your creepy old uncle. No, not the one who bounced you on his knee a little too long, but the one given to bouts of uncontrollable laughter and crying. Avanir Pharmaceuticals' Nuedexta aims to help more than 1 million sufferers of what we would have named Terms of Endearment Syndrome but someone else already dubbed pseudobulbar affect or PBA. The best part of any drug commercial is the list of side effects; who wouldn't kill for video of a Viagra taker suffering from temporary deafness, blindness and a four-hour boner? Heart rhythm changes, diarrhea, dizziness, cough, vomiting, weakness, swelling of feet and ankles, urinary-tract infection, flu, elevated liver enzymes, and flatulence are possible Nuedexta side effects. At least you won't laugh or cry. (NUEDEXTA.com)
He Said, She Said Check out this "submission" by a "reader" of an Orange County DUI attorney's online forum: "My sister received a DUI two weeks ago in Orange County. He doesn't have some money, and I am not going to loan it to him, but I would like to be willing and able to give him some information that I can regarding attorneys in his area. Thank you." Even funnier than the gender-blending was this response: "While I don't know of any attorneys in Orange County personally, I can tell you that any attorneys that advertise by spamming on Yahoo Answers are not worth a second of your time or a single cent of your money. Advertising here is the equivalent of pasting your logo in a urinal." Of course, if you slip on the urinal cake and fall, you know who to call. (DUI Attorney Hirby)
You Are Free to Move About the Brothel Only stuffed shirts would have a problem with a private-jet broker who incorporates "fun, efficiency and originality" into her business. That said, it's unclear what exactly Tina Bartel is selling after you stumble onto her website. Her John Wayne Airport-adjacent service is described as "ambitious, bold and slightly scandalous." Then you can click onto a page and vote on which photo of a shapely female model next to a private jet is best. Not helping matters at all is the name of Bartel's firm: Jet Madam. "Charlie Sheen on line one." (JetMadam.com)