The Orange County Interwebs Horror Show, Double Entendre Edition

​This week's edition of The Orange County Interwebs Horror Show, which presents stuff written from about our paradise online, is filled with double entendres.

Enjoy.

Pervs.

Illustration by Jay Brockman

​Blown Wod? I don't know what Elizabeth's selling, but I think I'll need a cigarette afterward: "Hey folks, let's crank this one up and go hard and fast. Get that weight moving with some explosive movement and catch it with our elbows up and on the natural shelf we create on our chest. ring dips....gotta love them, right? right! mix it up with your legs in the 'L' position, or adjust the rings high. Have fun with this wod and I'll see you tomorrow." (Crossfit San Clemente) 

Balance My What? To support its mission of better health through your feet, Foot Solutions of Long Beach donated $5 to Susan G. Komen for the Cure through the sale of "Pink Pole Balance Walking." Though it sounds like a trick one would associate with TJ and donkeys, it's apparently a fitness product. (PR Log)

Speaking of Pink Poles This OC company is hawking curved rods in 5' and 6' lengths. Mercy! And there's "no visible mounting hardware." Yeah, otherwise you might get arrested. "We call it the ultimate answer for Freedom of Movement," says a company rep. "And we are excited to offer this freedom for everyone!" I didn't associate packing a 5' to 6' curved rod with freedom of movement, until I discovered the product was a shower rod. (Benzinga)

... But It Wasn't a Rock "Forget those out-of-control housewives of Orange County," advises Robin Soslow. "The OC abounds with more fascinating wildlife." It may not be what you think, unless you were thinking of the smelly shorelife that lives between rocks on local beaches. (Prime.PETA)

Same-sex'd Up All K.P. wrote was, "Orange County is gay: this place is too happy." David B. had to clarify: "Let's all live in a suburban bubble and pretend that gay people aren't everywhere. Anyone ever actually hang out in Laguna Beach? Case closed." But L. believed K P. was not referring to gay as in homosexual but gay as in happy, like they used to say in the '20s and '30s. Anthony B. agrees: "Amazing how people have forgotten the original meaning for gay. Wonder why it went from happy to homosexual to begin with." Then came Brian "BK" F.: "Yeah, they should have stuck with 'queer.'" But wouldn't that be queer? Oh, never mind. (Yelp)

What's the Opposite of a Double Entendre? The answer may be the product hawked in this press release from Huntington Beach adult distributor SexToyDistributing.com, which announced it "has exclusive rights to Pipedream Products' PDX Fuck Me Silly 2 Mega Masturbator." Does it come in pink, is it balanced and curved and does it walk? (Adult Video News)