Meg Whitman and Condoleezza Rice, Together at Last Tonight in Irvine

​Meg Whitman and Condoleezza Rice appear together at an Irvine fund-raising event tonight.

Rice, the former Secretary of State, will introduce the California governor candidate by asking, "Meg, how about if you explain for the good folks of Orange County how you earned $1.78 million while serving on the Goldman Sachs board by spinning--that is, reaping profits by getting early deals before the public on hot IPOs offered by the bank?"

And then, Whitman will say, "Oh, yeah, bitch, well have you been ignoring any memos saying a terrorist attack on the United States is likely lately?"

And then Rice will say, "Why don't you pour more of your own millions into your campaign? Surely, you can find a few here and there by searching under your couch cushions. . . . Bitch."

And then Whitman will say, "That's right, Condy, I can make millions appear where there seemingly are none. You know, like you did with weapons of mass destruction in Iraq."

The back and forth will continue, with each drawing closer and closer together, before they give in to temptation and start madly kissing one another.

As they nuzzle and exchange saliva and frantically rub the Kymaro Body Shapers under one another's smart business suits, reporters on the scene will be prevented from asking questions.

'Cause Meg don't do questions from media on the stump.

And without being able to ask questions, and being prevented under the rules of journalism to report what they see with their own lying eyes, nothing from the unusual and sickly sensual candidate's introduction will make it into coverage of the campaign event.

Don't believe me? Check the web and read the funny papers tomorrow, and I bet you the California deficit none of what you read above will be reported.

Groping hour is 5 p.m. at the Hyatt Regency Irvine.