Rocco Returns! Partnership Fails to Silence Ketchup Thief

​Steve Rocco, the former Orange Unified School District trustee with a penchant for wearing dark sunglasses and black beanies to board meetings where he ranted and raved about conspiracy theories involving Kodak film, smoked sausages and supermarkets, is back in business.

What business, you ask? Making a joke out of OC politics? Giving political scientist and election expert Fred Smoller a heart attack? Stealing half-empty, unrefrigerated bottles of ketchup from the Chapman University cafeteria? No, the correct answer is he's running for Public Administrator of Orange County--the person who decides what to do with people who die and have assets that aren't claimed by family members.


Credit to the Orange County Register for breaking this exciting news today. While their story did highlight Rocco's 2009 conviction in the aforementioned ketchup heist/obvious frame up by dark forces, the paper failed to elucidate the most interesting aspect of Rocco's qualification for this job. In the early 1980s, shortly after being convicted of shoplifting several rolls of Kodak film and a Smokecraft sausage from an Albertsons supermarket in Santa Ana, Rocco dedicated his life to exposing the Partnership, which is a nefarious cabal that secretly rules Orange County, and which is made up of Kodak Film, Smokecraft Sausage and Albertsons, as well as every person Rocco has ever run against in his never-ending bid for public office.

The Register also forgot to include the important fact that Rocco is actually the deceased performance artist Andy Kaufman.

Citizens of Orange County can nonetheless feel some measure of relief knowing Rocco wants the job, seeing as how our current public administrator, John Williams was probed by the grand jury for fattening his own budget while violating his own agency's rules. We who toil (in satirical news blogging) salute you Rocco!