The Moreno Valley: Junkyard of OC Dreams

By Gustavo Arellano Mon., Aug. 24 2009 at 10:52 AM

Categories: Shmortgage Board

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My sole Moreno Valley experience happened in 1998, when some methed-out gabacho stole my run-down 1983 Camaro from the parking lot of the former Huish Family Fun Center in Anaheim right next to Camelot (it's now an industrial park). When the cops told me that they found my car in Moreno Valley, my first reaction was "What the fuck is the Moreno Valley?" When I found it it was about an hour away and far from Rialto, Norco, Corona, Chino, and the other cities where distant cousins lived, my next reaction was, "Why the fuck would anyone want to live here?"

My vulgar bewilderment was further stoked by the actual drive there--baking hot, horrible 91 Freeway traffic, in an unreliable Ford Explorer driven by an honest-to-goodness Cajun who was our family mechanic. The Moreno Valley reminded me of rural Mexico: underdeveloped, barren, shoddy, filled with weird people, but with a lot of lawns. Sprinklers on all the time. Eerie. I picked up my car, drove away, and never gave the town another thought.

The Moreno Valley is now the poster child for American housing gone wrong, and the New York Times weighed in with one of their stock magisterial pieces, the kinds that read purty but don't say jack shit about reality. The Orange County connection is that two of the homeowners profiled in the piece moved to the MV because they couldn't afford apartments in OC, which should clue the rest of the nation into how stupid they were to buy into Moreno Valley. Reporter Jennifer Steinhauer doesn't note that even people in Colton ridicule Moreno Valley residents for living there. It's not an area "filled with people priced out of Los Angeles and Orange Counties, or looking to escape louder, less-safe cities," as the Times notes; it's a place for fools who weren't smart enough to buy a house in Calimesa. Shit, even Beaumont is better than Moreno Valley, and Beamount is sketchy.

UPDATE: Here's Village Voice editor (and OC boy) Tony Ortega's take on the story.

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Hey what about Lake Elsinore. named after the Danish city, Elsinore, in Shakespeare's Hamlet. Besides a lake monster, Lake Elsinore is rumored to also have ghosts, UFO's, satanists, vampire cults, and even a group of ten citizens who claim to all have known each other in past lives and have all been mass reincarnated. Not to mention the meth labs does anyone know about the lake monster Elsie ? In 1884, a creature that appeared to be a cross between a plesiosaur and a sea serpent was sighted in the lake at the small town of Lake Elsinore. Since then at least once a decade, the creature has apparently been seen. The creature is colorfully referred to as Elsie, a play on Nessie. The lake monster has been taught to local elementary school children, appeared on numerous news reports, been a part of its own local cookbook, and even graced a page in the local phone book. Native Americans have claimed to witnessed Elsie lurking on the waters. Although some people believe that a rupture in the suplphur springs on the north shore of the lake produced a big enough black bulge of mud in the water that it was mistaken for a lake monster. lol 1932 turned up what may have been a hoax sighting as several swimmers were frightened off by what had been a baby sea lion placed in the lake on a prank. In 1934, a C. B. Greenstreet along with his wife and children reported seeing it. He described it as 100 feet long with a thirty foot tail. He also stated that waves as high as light posts washed on the shore in its wake. 1967 saw a family boating on the lake capturing a view of the monster. It supposedly rolled by them making dark high humps in the water. In 1970 the creature was sighted twice by a Bonnie Play. It was described as being twelve feet long and three feet wide with a series of humps and a dinosaur head. After 1970, three state park officials supposedly saw it surface about fifty feet from their craft. Finally, numerous reports surfaced in 1992. Despite the many documented sightings of Elsie, one big factor rules against its existence. In 1954 the lake went completely dry, and not surprisingly there weren't any beached sea serpents lying on the bottom. In the 1960's it was refilled and since then there has been an ongoing effort to maintain the water level within it. Those who argue Elsie's existence, claim the creature wandered into a nearby cave in the hills and resided there until the lake was refilled. So apparently Elsie can survive on both land and water. Through the nineties and recent years a fiberglass replica of Elsie has even existed. It was built at 13 feet tall and 102 feet long. Last I heard in 2002 the fiberglass float was still land locked, but its supportes were trying to get it installed on the lake somewhere or failing that turned into a parade float. Lastly although I've heard speculation of an Elsie Museum at 199 Graham Avenue in Lake Elsinore, one does not exist, at least not at that address. In fact there wasn't even a building at 199. However, I believe that nearby at 201 is an old building that use to be or is part of what was called the Chimes Building. Once the Crescent Bath House a young boy is suppose to have drowned on the site in 1939 and now still wanders the building's halls. So is there a sea serpent lurking within the depths of Lake Elsinore? Well speculation is out, but there does appear to have been at one time a fiberglass replica, and currently there does not appear to be any museum dedicated to the missing Lake Monster. Read more at www.wierdca.com
UCR was just on the border with Moreno Valley. I used to go to their mall when I was in college because it was closer than driving to the Tyler Galleria. That's all I know about Moreno Valley.
Oh another 'Pit' even worse is.... Apple Valley. The reason they call it 'Apple Valley' is because if they called it 'Meth Valley' no one would actually live there. Moreno Valley is what you drive by or through on your way to Beaumont to get gas before you stop at the Casino in Morongo Valley.
BTW-the mother/son team who made tacos at a neighbor's 50th b-day party the other night business name is "tacos Jerez"-of course they are from Zacatecas about an hour from my wife's cousin in Sombrerete...like your folks..
Moreno Valley is indeed the butthole of southern California-at least Beaumont has good golf courses (in particular Oak Valley-a bargain for a course of that quality-but the fact that it is in Oak Valley is why it's a bargain!) There are other buttholes like this all over California-Palmdale, Lancaster, Tracy/Stockton in northern California...towns like Patterson off of I-5 in the Central Valley where you see the development in the middle of ag land and you immediately wonder who the hell would buy a house there... BTW-my wifes sister who makes the good oil-based salsa is here and IOU a jar...
Gus, I can't tell you the number of dumb-ass nephew/co-workers/friends that fled the "condoscene" in So. Coast Metro to buy a Mc Mansion in that God Forsaken Shit Hole. Naturally they all have abandoned the houses(and their countrywide loans) and are paying two grand for an apartment in GG. Every ASSHOLE that ever read Rich Dad Poor Dad , thought they were going to score it big there. The only ones that did were the smart ones that took the second, bought the trucks and bailed back to Michoacan. Oh yeah, don't be fooled the Chevy dealer in Inglewood, saw the boom coming and opened a dealership there in the late nineties, explaing "Mexicans love Chevy Trucks....And where else are they going to live?"
I grew up in Riverside, and while I completely agree that Moreno Valley is an armpit, to discredit the assertion that it's not a place filled with peoople priced out of los angeles and orange counties, is inaccurate. In 1970, some 17,000 people lived in what is today Moreno VAlley. By 1990, more than 120,000 lived there. I think at one time it was the fastest growing city in the nation, much like Rancho Cucamonga a little later. Not all those people were stupid or fools. Homes were ridiculously affordable. Unforunately, there was no improvement of the freeways to accomodate the onslaught of new humans, hence the horrible congestion. The area's boom kind of shriveled with the closing of March Air Force Base in the early '90s. I went to a high school in Riverside that would play Moreno Valley and Canyon Springs high schools in football and basketball. Both schools were awesome in both sports, mostly due to the large African-American percentage of the student bodies. To this day, Moreno Valley's demographics are 20 percent black. A lot of those families moved to the area becuase housing was affordable and they could get out of South- Central los angeles (not unlike the communities of Beaumon and Bannning, which were created in the late 60s to entice people affected by the Watts riots to get the hell out). Unfortunately, a lot of the gang problems came with those families. I remember in the late 80s, Moreno Valley was notorious in Riverside for having a horrible gang problem. One other factoid: Moreno Valley was also the home of the Riverside International Speedway for nearly 25 years. aye, verily, it sucks, but there's a history even in that dump.