John Campbell's Back, And We Unfortunately Know Why He Left

Categories: Politics
160px-John_Campbell_(congressman),_official_photo_portrait,_color.jpg
You now know too much about this man.
No one seemed to notice when John Campbell, the Republican U.S. Rep. for Irvine, Newport and coastal South County, stopped showing up to Congress last month. And by "no one," I mean the Weekly, the Times and the Register, none of which ever mentioned that Campbell had announced he was going under the knife for gastrointestinal surgery at the beginning of February.

But Campbell updated constituents in an email blast today, saying he's recovering nicely and is ready to get back to work obstructing our new president. See if you can spot the reason why, perhaps, there's been relatively little talk in the media about our local representative's medical problems (emphasis mine):

The surgery went very well (they took out 18" of my colon) and my recovery is on schedule. Statistics at the Mayo Clinic (where the procedure was done) say that 98% of people who go through this surgery never experience diverticulitis again. I hope I am not in the other 2%. Besides, if I were, Obama would raise my taxes more!

Well, thanks, John! Not only do we have a better sense for your dadaist humor and avuncular tone, we also know about your colon! Props to him for being upfront with his constituents about why he hasn't been on Capitol Hill lately, but he maybe should have included a warning about Google Image Searching his condition -- diverticulitis --  and a note about how all those little would-be-congressmen should be sure to eat plenty of fiber if they don't want to end up like him.

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