Say Adios to Ignacio Lujano This Saturday

2184606.51.jpgWe failed, Orange County, to keep 84-year-old Ignacio Lujano in the San Juan Capistrano orange groves he's tended to for the past 38 years. His son Alex texted me today that his papi is having a big yard sale this weekend before moving in the next couple of weeks to Lake Elsinore. City officials, instead of listening to the dozens of county residents who expressed their outrage at bureaucrats booting an old man from his livelihood, painted Lujano as a welfare case--cold bastards. If you want to visit a living, breathing remnant of Orange County's past before it becomes a maintenance yard, pass by any time this weekend at 30291 Camino Capistrano in San Juan Capistrano. We'll be there taking pictures and cursing idiot pols.

To Do Tonight 7/31

Categories: To Do Tonight

BLEND, 7 p.m.
Help create Casa Romantica’s own signature wine blend and meet the experts from the Pear Valley Winery.
Casa Romantica
415 Ave. Granada
San Clemente CA 92672

Meet the author of "Treatable and Beatable: Healing Cancer Without Surgery"
Barnes & Noble
901 South Coast Dr.
Costa Mesa CA 92626

LSD optional.
Civic Center Sunken Gardens
8200 Westminster Blvd.
Westminster CA

WORLD GROOVES, 8:30 p.m.
An international dance music experience.
210 N. Promenade
Long Beach CA 90802

GLAM, 10 p.m.
Bravo Nightclub
1490 S. Anaheim Blvd.
Anaheim CA 92805

Sinners and Saint Onuphrius

Onuphrius.jpgFriends of San Onofre, the “naturist” enthusiasts trying to stop the California Parks Department from banning nudity on a remote, 1,000-foot stretch of San Onofre State Beach's 28,000-foot shoreline, like to point out that San Onofre is the Spanish name of Saint Onuphrius Magnus, who lived about 400 A.D. in Christian Egypt, “naked in the desert as a hermit and confessor.”

Onuphrius – known as Onofrio to Italians, Abü Nufar to Arabs and Onofre to the Spanish and Portuguese – has been honored at the Trail 6 nude beach on his June 12 feast day. “It is said that the Saint intercedes when a good festival happens, thus ensuring that the June gloom will go away, the surf will be excellent, and the sun will shine,” according to the Friends of San Onofre website.

Bringing gloom to the bare naked ladies and gentlemen these days is state Parks Director Ruth Coleman, who in May ordered the nudity ban that is scheduled to go into effect after Labor Day, although the Naturists Action Committee has filed a lawsuit to stop that action.

In Coleman's message that directed San Onofre park rangers to begin informing the public about the ban on June 1, she stated that “Trail 6 has a history of attracting criminal activity,” citing figures that park officers have issued 82 citations for lewd behavior and 35 citations for indecent exposure over the past five years.

In a April 29 memorandum to his boss Coleman, Southern Division Chief Tony Perez revealed that the Parks Department had “secured support” for the nudity ban from the Orange County Sheriff's Department, San Diego County Sheriff's Department, San Diego County's District Attorney, U.S. Fish and Game wardens and the Camp Pendleton's Provost Marshall's Office and military police.

But Friends of San Onofre president Allen Baylis, who is also a lawyer, naturist and just-announced Huntington Beach City Council candidate, swears that it is not the practicing nudists who create all the law-enforcement problems. If anything, the naturists help shoo away law-breakers and inform rangers of evil doers.

One state government document reinforces that Friends of San Onofre assistance: the Parks Department report Coleman apparently relied on before imposing the nudity ban.

“Members and supporters of this club will often educate persons, who appear to be soliciting others for lewd activity or actually engaged in sexual activity, about California law and departmental regulations concerning illegal sex acts in public and nudity,” states the report, which adds that despite these efforts, “the lewd acts and indecent exposure continue to be common and frequent.”

So someone's gotta ask: If the people alerting rangers to the lawlessness are driven away, who will be left to rat out the bad guys and gals?

More of the naked truth about the battle over Trail 6 appears in my story “Suits vs. Skins,” which hits the streets and this website Thursday.

Perhaps the spirit of Saint Onuphrius will ultimately descend from the heavens to help the naturists -- so long as everyone ignores his adoption in the puritanical West by weavers who renamed him Saint Humphrey the Great and covered up his naughty bits with fig leaves.

Suppose Ruth Coleman's a weaver?

Because You're Ugly: Parrot Minikit Review!

After coming to terms with the fact that I have to purchase some kind of hands-free device for the car, I weighed my options. Of course, you and I both know the majority of the gadgets work via Bluetooth—which can be a mystifying subject for some.

Bluetooth, named after a 10th century Danish king, is just a way for individual devices to communicate with each other, sending data or in this case, linking cell phones to headsets.

The headsets are obviously the most popular choice these days—how many times have you seen some dude in a gold chain strut down the street carrying an animated conversation with... himself? No matter how convenient, I just can't let myself become one of those guys—and then I'd also have to actually prepare for a phone call when I get into the car.

But then I heard about the portable Parrot MINIKIT, which basically works like a speakerphone that can clip to the visor (or what have you) of your vehicle. While speakerphones—especially the crappy speakerphone option on your cell—haven't exactly garnered the very best of reputations for voice quality, the Parrot actually extinguished any kind of negative connotations I had previously.

And actually, I was really surprised: I couldn't find anything wrong with the Parrot MINIKIT. And I tried. I really did. In fact, I'd recommend it to anybody not willing to be seen with a Bluetooth device lodged in their ear.

More »

To Do Tonight 7/30

Categories: To Do Tonight

The Flying Smolenskys, 7:15 p.m.
The inaugural show of this devilishly beguiling family band is sure to thrill young and old alike. They will wield their acoustic instruments and collection of classic rock tunes (some you may recognize, others you may not!!!) for a revue of tuneful tumbling, operatic acrobatics, and death-defying melodies!
Table Ten
124 W. Commonwealth Ave.
Fullerton, CA

Paramore; Jack's Mannequin, 7 p.m.
View concert photos at
Pacific Amphitheatre
Orange County Fairgrounds, Fair Dr.
Costa Mesa CA

Annual Reading Room Book Drive, through July 31
The books received will be donated to CHOC's Reading Room for children who are chronically ill and cannot go home. No, they will not be driving themselves.
Barnes & Noble
791 S. Main St., Orange, CA

Southland Strutters Ball, 7 p.m.
You've read this correctly. It's a Strutters Ball!
The Woman's Club Of Orange
121 S. Center St. Orange, CA 92866

Santa Ana Dog Beater Strikes Again & Gets Nabbed

This afternoon, the same female who was filmed yesterday punching, choking and strangling a small dog in Santa Ana tried to pummel the dog again. But, alerted by the OC Weekly blog post, the building's residents came to the dog's rescue.

"I heard that same little dog crying," one of them just told me. "I ran to the window, looked down and saw that person from the video hitting the dog again in the face and head. Right then, another neighbor who was closer ran up to her and told her to stop. I can't believe she was going to beat that dog again."

Santa Ana police officers--who'd expressed shock after seeing the video this morning--quickly arrived and took the 15-year-old suspect, who is in the 10th grade of high school, into custody.

"Our main concern was for the welfare of the dog, and I'm happy to report that it's now safe," said Corporal Jose Gonzalez. "The girl apparently has a diminished mental capacity."

After questioning, the girl was released to the custody of her mother, who voluntarily surrendered the pet to an animal control officer. The dog will be transported this afternoon to a county shelter and made available for adoption.

Santa Ana police say they will submit a report plus the Weekly's video footage to the Orange County District Attorney's office for prosecution consideration.

-- R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly

"California's Queer Quake"

About 75 minutes after this morning's Southern California earthquake, Reverend Wiley Drake named the seismic event, "the California Queer Quake," and announced via email to his nationwide followers that "another queer quake [is] trying to get California's attention."

Won't you listen, damn it?

"Thou shalt be visited of the Lord of hosts with thunder, and with earthquake, and great noise, with storm and tempest, and the flame of devouring fire," quoted Drake, a resident of Buena Park."

"We had better listen," he added. "5.8 this time. What is next?"

Wiley's pretty wily, isn't he? Scientists have said for years that California is due for a massive magnitude 7.9 quake or larger sometime within the next decade.

He can call that one the Foot Tapper Quake.

Earthquake Strikes So Cal

Just before noon this morning, an earthquake rocked Southern California--Orange County, Riverside, San Bernardino and Los Angeles.

From the fifth floor of OC Weekly's Santa Ana headquarters, the 5.8** magnitude quake felt like I was standing on a rocking waterbed for at least 12 seconds. The building swayed back and forth. A large corkboard fell off my office wall. An energy drink can stupidly placed (by me) on top of a file cabinet flew three feet in the air. The staff quickly evacuated the building and found phone lines dead.

But KCAL is reporting no major damage in OC from the 11:42 a.m quake that was centered 29 miles from Santa Ana.

(**Update: After this early posting, officials said the quake carried a 5.4 magnitude.)

-- R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly

To Do Tonight 7/29

Categories: To Do Tonight

A combination so grand, it's kept this night raging for 5 years.
107 21st Place
Newport Beach CA 92663

Treat yourself to some great music.
233 W. Chapman Ave.
Orange CA 92866

METAL SHOP; THE M-80S, 8 p.m.
An explosive '80s mix.
122 E. Commonwealth Ave.
Fullerton CA 92832

Sadly, Doug Funny and Patty Mayonnaise will not be in attendance.
1695 Irvine Ave.
Costa Mesa CA 92627

Horrifying Dog Abuse in OC Captured on Video

Several months ago, I drove three times to visit the Santa Ana Police Department Animal Control to report a neighbor's dog abuse. I was told my word wasn't good enough--that I needed evidence such as photographs, video--proving the abuse.

Today, I went home for lunch and found another neighbor repeatedly punching, choking and strangling her small dog in the courtyard of my condo complex.

An immediate call to a local animal cruelty organization produced only a figurative shoulder shrug and a suggestion to call the Santa Ana police.

In a call to Santa Ana police, an officer said they were too busy to listen to my report today but will "try to call" tomorrow.

If you'd like the authorities to act with a bit more urgency, call the department at 1-714-245-8665 or the Orange County District Attorney's office at 1-714-834-3600.

WARNING: This woman's behavior is extremely disturbing.

-- R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly