We failed, Orange County, to keep 84-year-old Ignacio Lujano in the San Juan Capistrano orange groves he's tended to for the past 38 years. His son Alex texted me today that his papi is having a big yard sale this weekend before moving in the next couple of weeks to Lake Elsinore. City officials, instead of listening to the dozens of county residents who expressed their outrage at bureaucrats booting an old man from his livelihood, painted Lujano as a welfare case--cold bastards. If you want to visit a living, breathing remnant of Orange County's past before it becomes a maintenance yard, pass by any time this weekend at 30291 Camino Capistrano in San Juan Capistrano. We'll be there taking pictures and cursing idiot pols.

BLEND, 7 p.m.
Help create Casa Romantica’s own signature wine blend and meet the experts from the Pear Valley Winery.
Casa Romantica
415 Ave. Granada
San Clemente CA 92672
949-498-2139

CAROLYN GROSS SIGNING, 7 p.m.
Meet the author of "Treatable and Beatable: Healing Cancer Without Surgery"
Barnes & Noble
901 South Coast Dr.
Costa Mesa CA 92626
714-444-0226

NICHOLSON PIPES & DRUMS AND THE CELTIC SKY DANCERS, 6 p.m.
LSD optional.
Civic Center Sunken Gardens
8200 Westminster Blvd.
Westminster CA
714-895-2860

WORLD GROOVES, 8:30 p.m.
An international dance music experience.
THE BLUE CAFÉ
210 N. Promenade
Long Beach CA 90802
562-983-7111

GLAM, 10 p.m.
Glamourous?
Bravo Nightclub
1490 S. Anaheim Blvd.
Anaheim CA 92805
714-553-2291

Friends of San Onofre, the “naturist” enthusiasts trying to stop the California Parks Department from banning nudity on a remote, 1,000-foot stretch of San Onofre State Beach's 28,000-foot shoreline, like to point out that San Onofre is the Spanish name of Saint Onuphrius Magnus, who lived about 400 A.D. in Christian Egypt, “naked in the desert as a hermit and confessor.”

Onuphrius – known as Onofrio to Italians, Abü Nufar to Arabs and Onofre to the Spanish and Portuguese – has been honored at the Trail 6 nude beach on his June 12 feast day. “It is said that the Saint intercedes when a good festival happens, thus ensuring that the June gloom will go away, the surf will be excellent, and the sun will shine,” according to the Friends of San Onofre website.

Bringing gloom to the bare naked ladies and gentlemen these days is state Parks Director Ruth Coleman, who in May ordered the nudity ban that is scheduled to go into effect after Labor Day, although the Naturists Action Committee has filed a lawsuit to stop that action.

In Coleman's message that directed San Onofre park rangers to begin informing the public about the ban on June 1, she stated that “Trail 6 has a history of attracting criminal activity,” citing figures that park officers have issued 82 citations for lewd behavior and 35 citations for indecent exposure over the past five years.

In a April 29 memorandum to his boss Coleman, Southern Division Chief Tony Perez revealed that the Parks Department had “secured support” for the nudity ban from the Orange County Sheriff's Department, San Diego County Sheriff's Department, San Diego County's District Attorney, U.S. Fish and Game wardens and the Camp Pendleton's Provost Marshall's Office and military police.

But Friends of San Onofre president Allen Baylis, who is also a lawyer, naturist and just-announced Huntington Beach City Council candidate, swears that it is not the practicing nudists who create all the law-enforcement problems. If anything, the naturists help shoo away law-breakers and inform rangers of evil doers.

One state government document reinforces that Friends of San Onofre assistance: the Parks Department report Coleman apparently relied on before imposing the nudity ban.

“Members and supporters of this club will often educate persons, who appear to be soliciting others for lewd activity or actually engaged in sexual activity, about California law and departmental regulations concerning illegal sex acts in public and nudity,” states the report, which adds that despite these efforts, “the lewd acts and indecent exposure continue to be common and frequent.”

So someone's gotta ask: If the people alerting rangers to the lawlessness are driven away, who will be left to rat out the bad guys and gals?

More of the naked truth about the battle over Trail 6 appears in my story “Suits vs. Skins,” which hits the streets and this website Thursday.

Perhaps the spirit of Saint Onuphrius will ultimately descend from the heavens to help the naturists -- so long as everyone ignores his adoption in the puritanical West by weavers who renamed him Saint Humphrey the Great and covered up his naughty bits with fig leaves.

Suppose Ruth Coleman's a weaver?

After coming to terms with the fact that I have to purchase some kind of hands-free device for the car, I weighed my options. Of course, you and I both know the majority of the gadgets work via Bluetooth—which can be a mystifying subject for some.

Bluetooth, named after a 10th century Danish king, is just a way for individual devices to communicate with each other, sending data or in this case, linking cell phones to headsets.

The headsets are obviously the most popular choice these days—how many times have you seen some dude in a gold chain strut down the street carrying an animated conversation with... himself? No matter how convenient, I just can't let myself become one of those guys—and then I'd also have to actually prepare for a phone call when I get into the car.

But then I heard about the portable Parrot MINIKIT, which basically works like a speakerphone that can clip to the visor (or what have you) of your vehicle. While speakerphones—especially the crappy speakerphone option on your cell—haven't exactly garnered the very best of reputations for voice quality, the Parrot actually extinguished any kind of negative connotations I had previously.

And actually, I was really surprised: I couldn't find anything wrong with the Parrot MINIKIT. And I tried. I really did. In fact, I'd recommend it to anybody not willing to be seen with a Bluetooth device lodged in their ear.

The Flying Smolenskys, 7:15 p.m.
The inaugural show of this devilishly beguiling family band is sure to thrill young and old alike. They will wield their acoustic instruments and collection of classic rock tunes (some you may recognize, others you may not!!!) for a revue of tuneful tumbling, operatic acrobatics, and death-defying melodies!
Table Ten
124 W. Commonwealth Ave.
Fullerton, CA

Paramore; Jack's Mannequin, 7 p.m.
View concert photos at OCweekly.com
Pacific Amphitheatre
Orange County Fairgrounds, Fair Dr.
Costa Mesa CA
714-740-2000

Annual Reading Room Book Drive, through July 31
The books received will be donated to CHOC's Reading Room for children who are chronically ill and cannot go home. No, they will not be driving themselves.
Barnes & Noble
791 S. Main St., Orange, CA
714-558-0028

Southland Strutters Ball, 7 p.m.
You've read this correctly. It's a Strutters Ball!
The Woman's Club Of Orange
121 S. Center St. Orange, CA 92866

This afternoon, the same female who was filmed yesterday punching, choking and strangling a small dog in Santa Ana tried to pummel the dog again. But, alerted by the OC Weekly blog post, the building's residents came to the dog's rescue.

"I heard that same little dog crying," one of them just told me. "I ran to the window, looked down and saw that person from the video hitting the dog again in the face and head. Right then, another neighbor who was closer ran up to her and told her to stop. I can't believe she was going to beat that dog again."

Santa Ana police officers--who'd expressed shock after seeing the video this morning--quickly arrived and took the 15-year-old suspect, who is in the 10th grade of high school, into custody.

"Our main concern was for the welfare of the dog, and I'm happy to report that it's now safe," said Corporal Jose Gonzalez. "The girl apparently has a diminished mental capacity."

After questioning, the girl was released to the custody of her mother, who voluntarily surrendered the pet to an animal control officer. The dog will be transported this afternoon to a county shelter and made available for adoption.

Santa Ana police say they will submit a report plus the Weekly's video footage to the Orange County District Attorney's office for prosecution consideration.

-- R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly

About 75 minutes after this morning's Southern California earthquake, Reverend Wiley Drake named the seismic event, "the California Queer Quake," and announced via email to his nationwide followers that "another queer quake [is] trying to get California's attention."

Won't you listen, damn it?

"Thou shalt be visited of the Lord of hosts with thunder, and with earthquake, and great noise, with storm and tempest, and the flame of devouring fire," quoted Drake, a resident of Buena Park."

"We had better listen," he added. "5.8 this time. What is next?"

Wiley's pretty wily, isn't he? Scientists have said for years that California is due for a massive magnitude 7.9 quake or larger sometime within the next decade.

He can call that one the Foot Tapper Quake.

Just before noon this morning, an earthquake rocked Southern California--Orange County, Riverside, San Bernardino and Los Angeles.

From the fifth floor of OC Weekly's Santa Ana headquarters, the 5.8** magnitude quake felt like I was standing on a rocking waterbed for at least 12 seconds. The building swayed back and forth. A large corkboard fell off my office wall. An energy drink can stupidly placed (by me) on top of a file cabinet flew three feet in the air. The staff quickly evacuated the building and found phone lines dead.

But KCAL is reporting no major damage in OC from the 11:42 a.m quake that was centered 29 miles from Santa Ana.

(**Update: After this early posting, officials said the quake carried a 5.4 magnitude.)

-- R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly

'80S WHITE TRASH DISCO, 9 p.m.
A combination so grand, it's kept this night raging for 5 years.
BLUE BEET CAFE
107 21st Place
Newport Beach CA 92663
949-675-2338

JAZZ TUESDAYS, 9 p.m.
Treat yourself to some great music.
THE DISTRICT LOUNGE
233 W. Chapman Ave.
Orange CA 92866
714-639-7777

METAL SHOP; THE M-80S, 8 p.m.
An explosive '80s mix.
SLIDEBAR CAFE
122 E. Commonwealth Ave.
Fullerton CA 92832
714-871-7469

SKEETER'S SHOWCASE, 10 p.m.
Sadly, Doug Funny and Patty Mayonnaise will not be in attendance.
LA CAVE
1695 Irvine Ave.
Costa Mesa CA 92627
949-646-7944

Several months ago, I drove three times to visit the Santa Ana Police Department Animal Control to report a neighbor's dog abuse. I was told my word wasn't good enough--that I needed evidence such as photographs, video--proving the abuse.

Today, I went home for lunch and found another neighbor repeatedly punching, choking and strangling her small dog in the courtyard of my condo complex.

An immediate call to a local animal cruelty organization produced only a figurative shoulder shrug and a suggestion to call the Santa Ana police.

In a call to Santa Ana police, an officer said they were too busy to listen to my report today but will "try to call" tomorrow.

If you'd like the authorities to act with a bit more urgency, call the department at 1-714-245-8665 or the Orange County District Attorney's office at 1-714-834-3600.

WARNING: This woman's behavior is extremely disturbing.

-- R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly

Don't you hate it when solicitors, poll takers and bill collectors phone just as you're sitting down to dinner? But who in their right mind would hang up on their Man in Congress? In this case, Dana Rohrabacher was conducting a telephonic town hall the other night.

The thing that became most clear while the rabidly right-wing Republican reached out and touched me: constituents in his Huntington Beach-based 46th District are nuttier than he is.

Most callers during the 35 minutes this listener could stomach made comments or crafted questions that blamed society's ills on the illegals, Nancy Pelosi, the illegals, environmental wackos, the illegals, the children of illegals and Nancy Pelosi's illegitimate environmental wacko child, fathered by an illegal.

Topics included oil drilling in ANWAR (hell yes!), high gas prices (the fault of Pelosi listening to environmental wackos who want to jack prices much higher to force lifestyle change), and – numero uno with a bullet – illegal immigration.

One caller suggested going beyond deporting the undocumented who get arrested: send 'em back when they get so much as pulled over for a broken tail light. In a rare moment of going much farther than his callers, Rohrabacher favored deporting those who enroll in schools or enter hospitals for care.

Of course, he qualified that by saying most illegal aliens are good, hard-working people, and that if he were in their border-crossing shoes he might do the same for the sake of his family. But, doggone it, enough's enough!

Except for the immigration hoo-hah, Dana came off as downright sane compared to most who phoned in. A couple times he defended his fellow congresspeople (Democrats and Pelosi even!) when callers suggested certain issues were all their fault.

After one such Dittohead commented that anyone who does not think his way is unAmerican, Rohrabacher replied, “I'm sure they are just as American as you or I.” He also offered examples of the frequent times he has been out of step with his own party, or times his own party has sided with Pelosi, environmental wackos and the illegals.

His candor made you almost want to vote for him. Almost.

Admitting that you admired a Pageant of the Masters show is the kind of thing that can (and arguably should) get an art critic strung up by the thumbs. The Pageant of the Masters is just a big, crazy, ridiculous mess, any way you look at it. But it is also a spectacle worthy of the court of the Medicis. You spend the evening ping-ponging back and forth between awe and tedium, oohing and ahhing when you're not too busy wondering what the heck's the point of it all. Imagine all the (probably literal) blood, sweat and tears that went into just the painstaking recreation of Edgar Degas' "Le Cafe Concert aux Ambassadeurs." If you think this is pure kitsch, try re-framing it as extreme performance art; three ladies crusted with paint, wearing stiff and itchy costumes, posed onstage as they desperately clench every muscle and try not to look like living human beings. Beautiful, shmeautiful - that's some Matthew Barney shit, right there.

Pageant of the Masters at the Festival of Arts
650 Laguna Canyon Road
Laguna Beach, CA 92651
949-494-1145

From the second paragraph of "Beach Boys in Coto concert," a Saturday Orange County Register story by Mark Eades:

Before three of the original members – Mike Love, Bruce Johnston and John Stamos – took the stage, concert goers imbibed in a bit of food and drink at a pre-concert bash by the club's swimming pool.

The Beach Boys first formed in 1961. According to his bio, Stamos was not even born until 1963. Johnston also was not part of the original group, although he did join in the early days and was with the original, surviving members who were inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 1988.

Stamos and David Marks, who was also on stage with Johnston and the original members at the Hall of Fame induction, are often referred to as "honorary Beach Boys."

Ironically, Al Jardine is often referred to as "an honorary Full House cast member."

So you can't afford that $3,000 handbag or even a $25 bottle of limited edition nail varnish—but Urban Outfitters has made owning a liiiittle piece of Karl Lagerfeld possible.

The Beautiful Ones has released a series of Tees with all our favorite fashion icons: Michael Jackson, Lagerfeld and an Aladdin Sane Bowie. But the favorite by far seems to be this one with a caricature of Lagerfeld, complete with signature fan, dark shades and fingerless driving gloves. And you know what? It's actually kinda cute. Cute enough to make me want to wear a T-shirt even.

Nylon magazine insists you might have to "explain your shirt to half the girls who wear Chanel sunglasses"—snoot, snoot—and I think they're right (snoot!). Head over to Urban Outfitters to snatch up the v-neck raglan Tee (on sale! for $19.99!).

Yesterday, the Washington Post did a good recap of our disgraced ex-sheriff, Mike "Phenomenal Pussy" Carona. Past the expected cliches thrown around by out-of-town reporters ("famously conservative bastion," "the sensibility enshrined at Anaheim's Disneyland long has informed local politics," "a community once represented by a congressman the John Birch Society had ejected for "extremism") was some words from our own Scott Moxley on Carona:

Court papers indicate the woman has turned state's witness, sharing with investigators "without limitation, physical characteristics, the kinds of sex he preferred, examples of sexual talk, and a nickname he used for his private parts."

"In the middle of these discussions, he's saying to me: 'Hey, I got these great helicopters. You want to go up in a helicopter?' " Moxley said.

Congrats, Scott--YOU RAWWWWWWWK.

Orange County Register Angels Blogster Todd Harmonson wonders why no one outside Angel Stadium seems to notice that our Halos have the best record in baseball. He even has a poll asking which front-burner sports stories--including Brett Favre's on-again, off-again retirement, the yet-to-begin Olympics and "anything about the Lakers"--should be pushed aside in favor of Los Angeles of Anaheim coverage.

But another poll may answer why the Angels can't bust into national sports consciousness. Richard Nickerson at the Big A Baseball Blog reports today on the Harris Poll concluding Your Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim are the least-favorite baseball team in America. The survey of 2,454 people nationwide finds the only team less popular than the Halos are the Toronto Blue Jays. "Of course it was an unfair poll for the Jays whose bulk of supporters reside north of the border where exactly no one was polled," notes Nickerson. "So you could make the argument that the Angels are likely the least popular MLB team in North America."

The poll identified some Blue Crew Mutants up the freeway as the most popular dirt-baggers in the West, while Pinstriped Big Apple Adulterers are at the Tops of the Pops nationally.

Nickerson theorizes that Angels owner Arte Moreno adding "Los Angeles" to the front of the team name and the Halos perfecting small ball have turned off Americans. "The Angels are the Patton Oswalt of the baseball world, a likable bunch but essentially boring when compared to Brad Pitt," Nickerson writes. "... Chicks dig the long-ball, not the 'first-to-third-runner-advancement-followed-by-a-sacrifice-fly' style of the Halos."

It's now up to this year's Angels squad to not only win the world championship, but piss off the rest of the country. I can't think of a better reason to fight on.

It's a sad fact that Orange County serves as home to numerous shills pretending to be journalists, but we've also been blessed with excellent reporters who've served their time here before graduating to the national and international stage. To name a few: Dexter Filkins, who has won acclaim for his fearless Iraq War coverage in the New York Times, and best-selling author J.R. Moehringer.

The next rising star might be The Orange County Register's Peggy Lowe, who has made often cynical and bitchy fellow journalists openly envious of her work on the Sheriff Mike Carona corruption scandal, coverage of the county's Board of Supervisors and, my favorite, the dissection of county Treasurer Chriss Street, who—as a private court trustee for a bankrupt company—used the business' money for his own European vacation and Botox treatments. At the Denver Post before her Register gig, she was part of a team that won a Pulitzer Prize for reporting on the Columbine High School shootings.

Lowe's last day at her Register post is tomorrow. Earlier this year, she won a prestigious Knight-Wallace Fellowship at the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor. (You might recognize the name Wallace as belonging to Mike Wallace of 60 Minutes fame.) For nine months beginning in September, Lowe will hone her already-fine skills on this topic: the intersection of politics with civil and criminal law.

Here's the bad news for OC residents and the local journalism community: While Reg bosses have promised to give Lowe her job back after she completes the fellowship, there's no guarantee she'll return at all. Will a wise media giant snatch her away?

-- R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly

SALSA MONDAYS, 8:30 p.m.
Don't forget the chips.
Sachi Bar
6400 E. Pacific Coast Hwy.
Long Beach CA
562-252-8434

PAJAMARAMA, 7 p.m.
Bring your little ones in their jammies for some story time.
Barnes & Noble
7881 Edinger Ave.
Huntington Beach CA 92647
714-897-8781

CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’, until August 1
Photographs of California by Mike Kelly.
Pure Color
570 S. Coast Hwy.
Laguna Beach CA 92651
949-497-1128

BLOC PARTY; DOES IT OFFEND YOU, YEAH?, 7 p.m.
Price: $26. Is that a bargain, yeah?
The Glass House
200 W. Second St.
Pomona CA 91766
909-629-0377

So here's what happened since we last checked in: Lima City (a Peruvian food stall in an Irvine food court I previously reviewed) is gone, replaced by Peruvian Kitchen, who moved out from its Fountain Valley digs, which is now occupied by another Peruvian restaurant called Casa Inka.

I won't attempt to explain the reasoning behind this game of Peruvian restaurant musical chairs, except to say that it sounds like the plot of a bad telenovela. But whatever may have occurred behind the scenes, it's a good turn of events, at least for Irvine.

At first, I didn't think so. When I saw that new owners had taken over Lima City in a bloodless coup, I shunned their offerings. I was a Lima City loyalist, entrenched in a comfortable routine of ordering nothing but their mushroom chicken from a heated trough.

I ate the dish once a week. Sometimes even twice or three times. Sure, it wasn't something I'd ever seen at any other Peruvian restaurants. And yes, the dish's authenticity was dubious. It's deliciousness, however, was undeniable. Above all, it was quick, good, and cheap -- perfect for a working schlub with only an hour to spare for lunch.

In "I Want my Midwife!" Daffodil Altan investigates the reasons behind the shrinking list of OC hospitals that allow midwife-assisted births—but moms-to-be and midwives aren’t taking it lying down.

In "Mixed Signals" Gustavo Arellano wonders, Does Caltrans have a double standard when it comes to Minutemen adopting highways?

In "Moxley Confidential: This Time It's Personal" R. Scott Moxley discovers that businessman Ronald Cedillos hasn’t told the whole story of his falling-out with Mike Carona.

Plus...

• The Weekly's standing columns, ¡Ask a Mexican!, Hey You! and Savage Love

• Restaurant reviews of Shik Do Rak in Irvine and Mos 2 in Anaheim.

• Culture focuses on Amy Catrina's green art instillation at Grand Central Art Gallery, Brian Kojac's Production of Dan Acre's 'Dirty Laundry' at STAGEStheatre, Musicians, Fans and Fashions and Wii's 'Final Fantasy' E3

• Film reviews of Step Brothers and local special screenings

• Music dishes on Mozambique's Reggae Night; Hedonistic Hardcore Band Annihilation; Dave Segal's Sprawl of Sound covers Hommes & Femmes Vitales; Rex Reason looks at International Pop Overthrow; Locals Only reports on Oddity's 'Illegal Truth' (Gutter Water Music) and read new CD reviews on Various Artists, 'Life Beyond Mars—Bowie Covered' (Rapster/!K7) and One Day As a Lion, 'One Day As a Lion' (Anti).

And more daily at OCweekly.com

The U.S. Open of Surfing might bring obnoxious swarms of people to Huntington Beach every summer, but it also brings the world's best surfers, BMXers, skaters and motocross riders to town. The event spans over nine days which includes surf competitions for men, women, juniors and long boarders. The Open has a couple of boasting points which help secure that "Surf City USA" title Huntington snatched from Santa Cruz not too long ago: it's the only six-star Association of Surfing Professionals (ASP) event in North America and is easily the world's largest surf contest.

Today, RVCA will be hosting three sessions of RVCA team signings with a delightful mix of appearances by Hawaiian big wave surfer Makua Rothman, artist/surfer/Japanese Motors front man Alex Knost, dance-y white boy rapper (really!) Mickey Avalon and current UFC Lightweight Champion BJ Penn. Something for everyone.

For further info on the signings visit RVCA.com or see the full flier after the jump. For a complete schedule of all U.S. Open of Surfing events, click here.

Jack's Bad Monkey, Friday 9:30 p.m.
Bring bananas.
Harp Inn
130 E. 17th St.
Costa Mesa CA 92627
949-646-8855

Whos Bad—the world's #1 Michael Jackson tribute band, Friday 8:00 p.m.
The one-gloved wonders.
House of Blues
1530 S. Disneyland Dr.
Anaheim CA 92802
714-778-2583

Senior Patriots Against the War, Saturday 10 a.m.
Old people holding signs.
Intersection of Seal Beach Blvd. and Golden Rain Rd. at Leisure World entrance
Seal Beach, CA 90740

The Dinner Detective Murder Mystery Dinner Show, Saturday 6:30 p.m.
Fuck yeah.
Atrium Hotel
18700 MacArthur Blvd.
Irvine CA 92612
949-660-9112

2000 Pounds Of Blues, Sunday 4 p.m.
That's a whole lotta blues.
OC Tavern
2369 S. El Camino Real
San Clemente CA 92672
949-542-8877

Mere hours after the Weekly's story regarding the tale of two Minuteman Project Adopt-a-Highway signs hit the streets, a federal judge ordered Caltrans to restore the one on Interstate 5 near the San Onofre immigration checkpoint sponsored by the San Diego Minutemen. In a misleading email sent out last night ("misleading" only because the subject line read " My heartfelt thanks go out to you!" and I thought it was about me, but in reality it was a mass e-mail), San Diego Minutemen founder Jeff Schwilk thanked supporters. "Thanks to great patriots like yourself from all around the nation," he wrote, "we have had the backing we needed to take on the powerful illegal alien lobby, the Latino Caucus, and the state of California which has bowed to the pressures of those who want open borders and special rights for illegal immigrants."

Congrats, San Diego Minutemen, but like we wrote before: you folks are plumb loco. Nevertheless, if ustedes find further censorship, we'll be there flying your freak flag for the First Amendment.

Illustration by James McHugh

Eight to 10 years ago, when South Countians, prodded by Irvine, wanted to stop plans for a commercial airport from being built over the soon-to-be abandonded El Toro Marine Corps Air Station, they pointed to studies showing a toxic plume from years of oil, fuel and chemicals spilling onto, running off of and being dumped over the base had leeched into the city of Irvine's ground water, making an airport incompatible as a future use. Yours truly even wrote about it here.

A couple years later, when powerful commercial airport advocates, prodded by John Wayne Airport-impacted Newport Beach, wanted to stop the momentum building for a Great Park at El Toro, they pointed to studies showing a toxic plume from years of oil, fuel and chemicals spilling onto, running off of and being dumped over the base had leeched into the city of Irvine's ground water, making a park incompatible as a future use. My pal Anthony "The Pig" Pignataro even wrote about it here.

In 2003, when it was looking more like a park, and not an airport, was coming to El Toro, Pignataro wrote here about how then-mayor, now-Great Park Corp. Chairman and Irvine City Councilman Larry Agran would say there was or was not contamination on the site depending on which argument best suited his point at the particular time.

When the keys to El Toro were handed over to Irvine in 2005, the toxic soup talk went away. Now it's back, from the most unlikely of sources. Forces opposed to Agran's glad-handing handling of park development report on newsOC.org that the Great Park Corp. is covering up toxic contamination at the future site of homes ringing the park.

This cover-up has not been reported by the Orange County Register, Los Angeles Times, Irvine Inquirer, the Trichloroethylene Tattler nor even your favorite muckraking alt. weekly. Nope, the news source that broke this story is Financial Times News. Printouts of FTN's "A Toxic Danger: El Toro Base Model, Great Park Caught Up in Massive Cover-Up" began appearing in Irvine mailboxes over the past couple weeks. The newsOC.org site has a link where you can download the story.

But when an item about the story was posted on the South County Redfin real estate blog, commenters began asking who is the Financial Times News. No one could seem to find a link to such a site or publisher of such a media outlet. There is a Financial Times newspaper, of course, but one has to subscribe to access the content, and the paper's fonts don't match up with the printout that was distributed in Irvine.

As folks were still scratching their heads over that one, a reporter from the Oregon-based Salem News showed up in town to stir up the toxic soup. Tim King's Wednesday story, "Sick Marines and Contaminated Water: Questions Surround El Toro Marine Air Base," includes a video and only one very loose connection between Irvine and his readership 968 miles away: Trichloroethylene (TCE), which either is or is not found in unhealthful levels in Irvine's ground water depending on who is doing the testing and spinning. TCE has been detected in Salem's ground water.

The soup thickens.

Last week, we featured the story of Gunner Jay Lindberg's attempts to get off California's death row by arguing that his brutal, 1996 ambush murder of Thien Minh Ly, a popular Vietnamese American immigrant, was not a hate crime related to white supremacist views. (That story can be found here, for those of you who missed it.)

The state's Supreme Court is considering Lindberg's claims and is due to issue an opinion this summer.

Yesterday, we received a handwritten letter from Lindberg, who expressed sorrow.

"I've never denied that I took Mr. Thien Minh Ly's life--but not for the reasons I was convicted," Lindberg wrote from condemned row in the notorious San Quentin State Prison. "It was not a robbery nor was it a hate crime. I do believe I should pay for my crime as I took his life, so I see my punishment as justice. I know if it were someone in my family I'd want justice and no amount of sorrys would change that. I'm no where near perfect, but I'm not a monster. I've done a terrible wrong not only to Mr. Ly but his family and I can't take it back."

So why did he stab Ly--president of the Vietnamese Student Association when he attended UCLA--22 times, mostly in the heart?

It was, Lindberg (pictured at the time of his arrest) tells me, merely "reckless actions."

-- R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly

Boogie Nights, 9 p.m.
Sorry, Mark Wahlberg's penis will not be present.
Que Sera
1923 E. Seventh St.
Long Beach CA 90813
562-599-6170

Go Figure!, daily
Featuring works that incorporate the human figure. It's a play on words. Get it?
SoCal Artists Studio
3251 Laguna Canyon Road, Suite F3
Laguna Beach CA 92651

Indulge, 9 p.m.
indulge |inˈdəlj| verb [ intrans. ] to allow oneself to enjoy a particular pleasure, esp. that of alcohol
Proof Bar
215 N. Broadway
Santa Ana, CA 92701
714-953-2660

OC Fair Senior Days, 8 p.m.
$4 for seniors (60+) and free merry-go-round and Ferris wheel rides all day!
OC Fairgrounds
88 Fair Dr.
Costa Mesa, CA

The last time Orange County's sheriff announced the department's new management team, Bill Clinton was president, gasoline cost less than a buck fifty, people could afford their mortgages, and you didn't have to remove your shoes to enter buildings or airport terminals. Everything was better then--except at the OCSD. Mike Carona, our cry-on-cue glorified bailiff turned womanizer/pompous ass/N-word-tossing/federal indictee in a gold-star-studded uniform, had surrounded himself with future convicted felons.

This afternoon, Sandra Hutchens--the Board of Supervisors' handpicked Carona replacement--gathered reporters in the department's Brad Gates forensic-sciences building to announce her command staff: John Scott, Michael R. Hillmann, Jack Anderson, Mike James, J.B. Davis and Rick Dostal.

The three who stood out were:

--Scott, one of Hutchens' old colleagues from the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department and an expert in jails, looks like a retired pro wrestler or the president of a culinary union run out of Chicago or Cleveland.

--Hillmann, a former Los Angeles Police Department chief, won the honor of being called a "legend" at the press conference not by Hutchens, but by KCAL reporter Dave Lopez.

--Anderson, the man Carona left in charge when he quit last January to concentrate on his upcoming federal bribery trial and turned out to be a pretty decent guy, looked, well, sheriffy.

The most important change was Hutchens (pictured at today's press conference). Sure, she's tiny like Carona, but she doesn't appear to be an egomaniacal liar looking for staffers to screw in county vehicles, monthly bribes or free vacations from a billionaire. She answered reporters' questions with seeming sincerity.

Let's all pray it's not an act.

--R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly

As a teenager in Los Angeles using the name "DJ Tran," Daniel James Bell twice lured unsuspecting Southern California Asian women to fake modeling jobs and threatened them with weapons before robbing and sexually assaulting them.

With that in mind, it might be difficult to believe Bell's latest tale. Sure, Bell now admits he entered the home of a 50-year-old Santa Ana woman (the mother of one of his friends) and left with valuables on May 30, 2002. But he maintains that Deputy District Attorney Keith C. Bogardus wrongly elevated the matter to a sex-crime case.

Here's part of the evidence the prosecutor considered: During the incident, the then-19-year-old grabbed the Asian American woman in her family room, twisted her arm behind her back and forced her into her bedroom on the other side of the house. He shoved her onto her bed, jumped on her, chest to chest, and repeatedly demanded that she open her legs for him. He then wept when she refused.

Here's Bell's lawyer: “What we do know is that during the course of this assault, there was nothing sexual said. He didn't tear at her clothes. He didn't touch her in any sexual fashion. Bogardus would like you to just throw that out the window and disregard it.”

Guess who an Orange County jury believed.

Right.

But now, the 5-foot-11, 175-pound Bell, who got probation in his first case and 19 years in the second one, claims he's being punished too harshly in the third. Superior Court Judge John Conley dealt him a prison term of 15 years, 8 months for the Santa Ana conviction. It's not fair that Conley is making him serve that sentence after he completes the 19-year-term from the earlier case, argues Bell, now 25 and a resident of a state prison in Coalinga.

Believe it or not, the California Supreme Court is considering his complaint.

(Wednesdays at OCWeekly.com, discover the depths of human depravity in Orange County, California.)

Click HERE for previous "Citizen of the Week!" winners.

— R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly

Hugh Hewitt will stop at nothing to ensure that Democrat presidential nominee Barack Obama fails to become America's president. He's hawking a pamphlet titled "Letter to a Young Obama Supporter" (I'd love to review it, but no way in hell I'm giving Hewie moolah) and blogging incessantly about the Illinois senator. Hell, Hewie's even allowed his own writers on Townhall.com, where Hewie serves as executive editor, to smear his old boss, Richard Nixon.

In an email sent out today by Townhall.com, columnist Richard H. Collins throws a plug for a website of his that bashes Obama. Interestingly enough, there's a graphic on this page that has Obama morphing into Nixon. "In true Nixonian style, Sen. Barack Obama’s paranoid website links a list of political enemies that are allegedly conducting a covert internet campaign against him," Collins' Townhall.com email claims. "Obama may be thinking he is JFK but he is acting like Dick Nixon, completely paranoid."

Absolutely stunning. Baby Hewie is amongst the most notorious of Nixon's apologists, the man who proposed banning journalists that didn't meet Dick's criteria from visiting Yorba Linda's Nixon Library. For him to allow a writer under his watch to smear Nixon either shows Hewie's come to grips with his old boss's many warts, or that Hewie doesn't give a damn about throwing bodies on the rails of the Obama Express. We choose the latter--absolutely stunning.

CLUB ABSTRACT, 9 p.m.
Don't be a Cubist.
Hogue Barmichael's
3950 Campus Dr.
Newport Beach CA 92660
949-261-6270

CLUB LUCKY, 10 p.m.
Be a lady.
House of Blues
1530 S. Disneyland Dr.
Anaheim CA 92802
714-778-2583

NATIVE AMERICAN BASKET WEAVING, 1 p.m.
Made from scratch.
Mission San Juan Capistrano
31522 Camino Capistrano
San Juan Capistrano CA 92675
949-234-1300

RINGLING BROS. AND BARNUM & BAILEY: OVER THE TOP, 6 p.m.
Witness the spectacle. Price: $16.50-$91.50
Honda Center
2695 E. Katella Ave.
Anaheim CA 92806
714-704-2400

SPINNERS OF PUPPET TALES, 11 a.m.
Check out Rumpelstiltskin and Puss 'n Boots!
Saddleback College Studio Theatre (Fine Arts Room 308)
28000 Marguerite Pkwy.
Mission Viejo CA 92692
949-582-4656

Diffusion lines have proven again and again to be the most lucrative for fashion designers. Marc Jacobs has his own collection but its the Marc by Marc Jacobs stuff, the $12 canvas tote bags and $20 costume jewelry that really rake it in. Vivienne Westwood recently did a line for Nine West here in the States. Proenza Schouler and Erin Fetherston worked with Target's GO International. Isaac Mizrahi's Target items fly off the shelves. Most women can only dream of owning Chloe stacked oxfords or a Prada dress. Diffusion lines take care of that.

Paul & Joe Sister, the Parisian-based line designed by Sophie Albou, has designed an exclusive line for Urban Outfitters. While Paul & Joe Sister is already a diffusion line of Paul & Joe, now things are finally even more affordable with Rendez-Vous. Albou's translated her floaty modern romanticism for the Urban Outfitters crowd for somewhat reasonable prices. The pieces range from $128 to $228 and seem to be just a tad more chic than the usual Urban wear. A standout item is the Masaao jacket. Priced at $208, the silk jacket would make a great contrast piece to an especially feminine dress.

Rendez-Vous by Paul & Joe Sister available only Urban Outfitters locations and at UrbanOutfitters.com.

In the Department of Hypocrisy...the Discovery Institute, largely funded by board member, certified homophobe and Orange County native Howard F. Ahmanson, Jr., is the country's premier organization pushing for the teaching of creationism in American classrooms over evolution. They're now helping out Islamic creationists in Turkey, according to the excellent Canadian Broadcasting Corporation show, The Current. Ahmanson is a Christian of the worst kind, of the kind who considers Muslims apostates and bound for hell--yet he's allowing the Discovery Institute to help out Muslims, especially Muslims of the worst kind? Oh, the joy of convenient overlooking!

TIKI FREAKOUT GROUP ARTSHOW, Daily
In this experimental group exhibit, the artists will showcase modern interpretations of art inspired by a cross pollination of Polynesia exotica, 60's psychedelia, and mid-century pop culture.
The Light Gallery
440 E.17th St.
Costa Mesa CA 92627
(949) 515-2018

MIC CHECK, 8 p.m.
One, two. Can you hear me?
THE BLUE CAFÉ
210 N. Promenade
Long Beach CA 90802
562-983-7111

CRASH FOR CAUSE: DERBY CARS!, 5 p.m.
Join CFC every Tuesday during the Street Fair in Huntington Beach, and help out building cars in the Electric Chair parking lot.
Electric Chair
410 Main St.
Huntington Beach CA 92648
(714) 536-0784

STRAY CATS, 7 p.m.
Come to OCWeekly.com tomorrow for a photo slideshow of the concert. Tickets are $49.50
Pacific Amphitheatre
Orange County Fairgrounds, Fair Dr.
Costa Mesa CA
714-740-2000

The "Supermarket" show at the Peter Blake Gallery is aptly named, offering more tasty goodies than you'd find on the shelves of a Trader Joe's. You've got everything from the heavy metal furniture of Cheryl Ekstrom to Jeffrey Krueger's luscious landscapes to the glimmery, inexplicably potent planets of Lita Albaquerque. But Jorg Dubin's "Twins On a Green Chair" is the piece that knocks you flat with its queasy, unromantacized sexiness. Two ruddy, annoyed-looking, attractive-ish, middle-aged women with '70s hair stare out at you, one wearing a man's shirt, one joylessly flashing her bra. They are the fantasy of a billion straight men across the globe: two blond twins, waiting for it. But they are the reality of that fantasy, as two sisters sit and don't look at each other, wondering what the hell they're doing here together, what the hell they're doing here with a loser like you. You can feel the guilt in the room, the guilt that makes it all just a bit more alluring. It calls to mind a line from the late George Carlin: "I never had a perfect 10, but I've had two 5's in a night." These girls are 5's, you're a 3 at best, and you all add up to a lucky 13.

Peter Blake Gallery
326 N. Coast Highway
Laguna Beach, CA 92651
(949) 376-9994