Sandra Hutchens' First Action as OC Sheriff Should Be...

...Getting her boys and girls in green off Segways.

Yesterday, as I was waiting for someone to pick me up from John Wayne Airport, I saw a sheriff's deputy traipsing around in a Segway, those overhyped, useless monstrosities of technology. If I see a deputy walking around, I respect their authority. In a car, I run; in a helicopter, I hide. When they're on horseback, I stare at their beautiful equine; on bike, I might snicker. But when I saw the deputy last night, I did the only logical thing: I laughed. Loudly.

Miss Sheriff: you're from Orange County, so you should know that Orange County and Segways will forever be associated with GOB Bluth, the ne'er-do-well brother on the late, great FOX show Arrested Development. GOB showed how lame those Segways are, how they're little more than glorified chariots except much wimpier. And the worst part about the Sheriff's Department Segways? They're all emblazoned with "Orange County Sheriff Department" in bold lettering, much like GOB had his initials in gold letters. Dump those machines. Now.