By Alex Brant-Zawadzki

The TCA's new number for the cost of construction for the 241 extension is $1.14 billion. However, they've tacked on additional costs not associated with the previous $875 million figure, hence the $1.3 billion figure cited in a recent LA Times article.

What follows are a list of direct quotes, in a format very suitable for bullet-pointing, from TCA spokesperson Jennifer Seaton, who was kind enough to take personal time after work to call and make sure I got the information I requested. Being the TCA's mouthpiece must be like being Dr. Hunter S. Thompson's cigarette holder. I'm not saying I trust the lady, I just appreciate the call-back is all.

Veering through the local bar hoppers in Fullerton, I found the Hibbleton Gallery and it's first exhibition TO THE FIFTH DIMENSION! At first I didn’t know what it was, or where it was, but there it was right there next to the Back Alley Bar with a sidewalk of hipster art fanatics talking about the scene.

This being the opening night of the gallery, it was expected to be a bit crowded and claustrophobic, but that's what you get when you go to any small show in Orange County.

The inside also met my expectations—a small room filled with people drinking wine and hardly paying attention to the artwork. It could be that these hipsters had arrived early and had already made the rounds leaving time only for socializing, but if that's the case, it made it difficult to absorb the art on display. See, they wouldn’t move. However, through my discourteous actions of wedging myself between hipster and art, I got to see what was being offered.

Artist Jason Jones (Japanland!) who describes his art as “super-enjoyable, decoupage-ish, melancholy, and whimsical,” lived up to his words. I was stuck on his work for a majority of the time that I in attendance, and contemplated even purchasing a piece. It was something that I had fun looking at, and would love to have in my house… Unfortunately, I had to use the $200 to fill up my gas tank to get home. But I do love the creatures that he’s created.

Though most of the featured artists have been exhibited throughout Orange County and Long Beach, it was fun to see them all in one location in a part of Fullerton that could have used some culture. The gallery hopes to focus on works from the latest underground, pop surrealist, outsider, graffiti, lowbrow, street, and subculture artists. I hope they live up to it, as I plan to return to see more.

Check out the artists:
Chad Eaton (Timber!)

Sarah & Trevor Girard (Metasaurus)

Jason Jones (Japanland!)

View a photo slideshow of the opening here.

--Gabriel Ryan / OC Weekly

Orange County has a notorious tradition of historians who subscribe to the Cult of the Orange Crate, the idea that our region's yesteryears are as immaculate as the images depicted on the labels of the long-gone citrus industry. This paper has long challenged such orthodoxy by publishing stories dealing with the dustbin of OC's past: Francisco Torres, Modesta Avila, the 1936 Citrus War, San Juan's swallows. Because of this, we get accused of being revisionist commies--go figure.

The biggest believer of the Cult out there right now is Chris Jepsen, who works at the Orange County Archives and maintains a personal blog titled O.C. History Roundup, "information and photos for people interested in the history of Orange County, California." The bulk of his postings are historical pictures, calendar of events for historical societies, and links to current articles or specials by media outlets regarding Orange County history--except those of your favorite rag.

While county supervisors struggle to pick a replacement for indicted ex-sheriff Mike Carona, District Attorney Tony Rackauckas is seeking to rob the Orange County Sheriff's Department of its nationally-recognized forensic DNA crime lab.

According to a newly released county staff report for the upcoming June 3 supervisors meeting, Rackauckas wants the board to remove sheriff's control over the unit "in order to streamline processes, improve communication and maximize operational efficiencies."

If Rackauckas succeeds, he'll be California's first prosecutor to wrestle control of DNA issues from an existing sheriff's crime lab, several law enforcement sources say. The DA claims the change makes sense for numerous reasons, including that the sheriff's crime lab personnel haven't been adequately prioritizing their work to help prosecutors preparing for trial.

"The Orange County District Attorney's Office is the only organization capable of harnessing the vast potential of forensic DNA technology for our community," Rackauckas writes in the staff report.

Not surprisingly, some Sheriff's Department officials vehemently oppose the transfer. One high-ranking official there told me the proposal "is nothing more than a blatant power grab before we get a new sheriff."

Though Rackauckas writes that the proposal "is designed to increase accountability," the plan arrives with an ominous backdrop outlined by this publication in a March 13, 2008, column:

In the wake of a November 2005, OC Weekly article detailing how a 20-year-old Buena Park man faced prison for a robbery/carjacking he didn’t commit, prosecutors asked the Orange County Sheriff’s Department (OCSD) crime lab to alter key exculpatory evidence.

That story can be read in full here.

Despite that ugly controversy, Rackauckas insists that his office is better suited than the OCSD "to ensure fairness in the criminal justice system, to exonerate those wrongly accused, to help protect our citizens and to enhance support for victims of crime."

But, oddly, Rackauckas didn't consult Acting Sheriff Jack Anderson in advance. "I haven't been asked for any input and I haven't yet seen the District Attorney's proposal," he tells me. "I don't know if its a good business model or not. He hasn't shown me anything. I've got a lot of questions."

—R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly

So they finally coaxed me out of the ivory tower that is the Calendar Dept. and convinced me to blog. Okay, first thing's first. A moment of silence for Harvey Korman. Blazing Saddles is playing this Wednesday at the Regency South Coast Village. Go see it and be reminded of the man's brilliance.

My film pick of the weekend is definitely not Sex and the City. Haven't seen it, and, merciful God willing, I won't ever have to. Lest you assume my opinion is based on some kind of willful ignorance, I will tell you that having spent two years with a roommate for whom the show was a guilty pleasure, I have watched my fair share of episodes. I'll let the highly paid critics tell you why the movie is bad, but let me just point out how annoying it is that Carrie Bradshaw, ostensibly a "sex" columnist, is constantly having her mind blown by the most basic of kinks. "A foot fetish? Well, I mean, I've read about that in books, but I thought it was just a legend!" Compare this to the borderline unflappable Dan Savage, who I am reasonably sure is familiar with nearly every facet of human sexuality and has even added a few descriptive words to our sexual lexicon.

So, it was a silly show, and it's allegedly a silly movie (though if you want to hear some real hating, ask me about Entourage) but I won't deny that, at times, it had its charms—mainly thanks to the show's stars: Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon, Kim Cattrall and Kristin Davis. But wouldn't it be nice to be able to see these appealing stars in far more interesting vehicles? Well, thanks to the magic of DVD rental, you can!

One of my favorite columns is "Edge of Sports," written by Dave Zirin. The man combines the best of sportswriting and progressive politics, disproving those asshole hipsters who say sports means nothing in this world. When Zirin's People's History of Sports arrives later this year, y'all crazy lefties better make some room between the Chomsky and Cornel West tomes in your bookshelf.

This week, Zirin focuses his razor pen on a surprising subject: our own Tiger Woods. 'Round here, Tiger is a god, giving millions of dollars away through his Tiger Woods Foundation. But Zirin has made the disturbing discovery that one of the non-profit's main funders is Chevron. Take it away, Dave!:

Chevron is in full partnership with the Burmese military regime on the Yadana gas pipeline project, the single greatest source of revenue for the military, estimated at nearly $1 billion in 2007, nearly half of all the country's revenue. These are the same people who are blocking international aid workers from assisting the victims of Cyclone Nargis.

And it only gets better from there. Going after sacred cows with brash, tight writing: Zirin should work for the Weekly. Read "Edge of Sports" every week, buy Zirin's books, and go Pistons!

Once again, the OBEY Giant warehouse in Santa Ana will be hosting its ultra popular sample sale.

The sale will run from today, 9 a.m.-7 p.m., until Saturday, 8 a.m.-3 p.m. The flier promises diggs for days, tunes selected by OBEY Records, babes provided by you (!!!) and grubbabge by the Crosby.

Remember to keep in mind the usual sample sale protocol: cash, VISA/Mastercard accepted; all sales final; no returns/exchanges; no bags; no backpacks; and don't wear any OBEY items to the sale. Oh, and be sure to show up early, as lines will be wrapping around the block—you don't want to forego premium selection, do you?

Flier with location and further info after the jump.

The Original Booty Burglars, Friday 9 p.m.
Someone call the sheriff! There's junk in the trunk!
Surf City Saloon
18528 Beach Blvd. Huntington Beach, CA
714-963-7744

Collections 2008: Graduate Designers Fashion Show, Friday 7 p.m.
Celebrate the release of Sex and The City: The Movie with a student fashion show
El Salvador Community Center
1825 W. Civic Center Dr. Santa Ana, CA 92703

Men Alive, Saturday 8 p.m.
The OC Gay Man's chorus reminds us that live men are more entertaining than dead ones
Renee and Henry Segerstrom Concert Hall
615 Town Center Dr. Costa Mesa, CA 92626
714-556-2787

OC Underground Burlesque Society, Saturday 8 p.m.
Risky business
Hunger Artists Theatre Co.
701 S. State College Blvd., Suite 699-A Fullerton, CA
714-680-6803

Sunday Fundays, Sunday 8 p.m.
With a name like this, it has to be good
Ocean Avenue Brewery
237 Ocean Ave. Laguna Beach, CA 92651
949-497-3381

The Department of Commerce has stated their interest in holding a public hearing on the Foothill-South toll road extension, disregarding the impotent raging of Transportation Corridor Agencies counsel Robert Thornton. The LA Times reported on the road's construction cost leaping from $875 million to $1.3 billion and that ridership is down on the Foothill-South by "nearly 4 percent." The Army Corps of Engineers has declared that there could still be potential alternatives to the favored route, one which would carve through the Donna O'Neill Land Conservancy and inland San Onofre State Beach, potentially exterminating the Pacific pocket mouse and annihilating any sense of tranquility at the Acjachemen sacred site of Panhe. One has to ask, what hasn't gone wrong for the TCA lately?

Got a MySpace message from Sancho the Latin Blogger regarding a community meeting this past Tuesday in Fullerton regarding the city's endangered Chicano murals on Lemon Street south of Valencia (I would've gone but made the mistake of trying to leave San Bernardino at 5pm--HELL). Not only are the murals not coming down, but Fullerton is receiving a $10,000 grant to restore the murals and the city will actively collaborate with the Maple Street barrio to get the treasures looking their best again. Congrats, Fullerton, for doing the right thing--and for Sancho for spearheading the effort to save the murals.

Also of note: councilmember Shawn Nelson, the idiot who first suggested painting them over, was a no-show. We call him an idiot anew because he also reneged on his promise to meet with Sancho and ask the Mexican a YouTube pregunta. Silly Shawn: where are you???

A Tribute to Ms. Billie Holiday, 7 p.m.
An evening of songs from the classic jazz diva in a dinner theater venue
The Riverboat Angela Louise
700 Edgewater Newport Beach, CA 92661
949-633-5997

Girls Night Out, 9 p.m.
Better than a night in
Chronic Cantina
1870 Harbor Blvd. Costa Mesa, CA 92627

Glam, 10 p.m.
So glamorous and stuff
Belluno
12361 Chapman Ave. Anaheim, CA 92840
714-971-8520

Indulge, 9 p.m.
You know you want to
Proof Bar
215 N. Broadway Santa Ana, CA 92701
714-953-2660

Missiles Of October, 8:30 p.m.
Not those pesky August missles
Marine Room
214 Ocean Ave. Laguna Beach, CA 92651
949-494-3027

On Dec. 17, 2005, Gi Jeon Moon thought it would be cool to pull down his pants and masturbate next to a sleeping young woman. Though just friends who’d met at DUI classes several years earlier, she’d come to his Buena Park apartment that night for dinner. They drank beer, and after she’d become intoxicated, she asked to sleep over because she didn’t want to drive home drunk. Moon suggested more drinks. She declined, noting the late hour and her tired condition. Still being a gentleman, he suggested she sleep in his bed while he take the sofa. The woman—whom we’re not identifying because she’s a sex-crime victim—quickly fell asleep fully dressed. Moon continued to drink booze. Eventually, he convinced himself of the merits of sneaking back into the bedroom to quietly jack off without waking his guest. That plan might have worked, but temptation proved too much.

Moon entered the bedroom, stripped, worked up an erection, climbed into bed next to the sleeping woman, placed his penis on her thigh and began to grope her breasts. She awoke and told him to stop. Rejection didn’t suit Moon. He attempted to undress her, breaking the zipper on her blue jeans. They struggled. She bit his forearm. He repeatedly punched her in the face before grabbing her hair and yanking her off the bed. She crashed onto the floor, where Moon kicked her, wrapped his hands around her throat, squeezed and ordered her to “stop being a bitch.” His final act of violence included throwing a lamp and a clock at her. He demanded sex again and noted that she was “lucky” because his friends routinely gave their dates worse beatings if they resisted intercourse.

Injured and terrified, the woman devised a plan. She told him she sympathized and asked him to go to a drug store for medicine because she was bleeding profusely from the head, mouth and nose. Moon fell for it. As soon as he left, she fled and called police. They found a blood-soaked bed and bloody bedroom floor, even a clump of the woman’s hair.

After his arrest, Moon admitted his temper but argued that her presence in his bed meant she’d consented to sex. He also volunteered this equally ridiculous logic: It is “impossible” to rape a woman unless she’s been tied up with rope or wire. For 15 minutes of stupidity, the 5-foot-5, 130-pound man branded himself a registered sex offender for the rest of his life. Moon awaits sentencing.

(Discover the depths of human depravity in Orange County, California, Wednesdays at ocweekly.com.)

To read about previous Citizen of the Week winners, click here.

—R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly

Spotted the past two days on the 405 Freeway North, in one of the overpasses between Culver Drive and the 55 Freeway interchange, in immaculate Irvine: a banner reading "Bush (Hearts) Putin." Since I've yet to join the 21st century and don't have a digital camera, first person to snap the shot and email it to me gets a free copy of my ¡Ask a Mexican! paperback book!

Notice anything odd about this online Orange County Register story teaser from last night and this morning?

Check our Total Buzz blog to find out what candidates Bill Hunt, Craig Hunter, Sharon Hutchens, Randy Adams, Jack Anderson, Salt Lake City undersheriff Beau Babka, San Bernardino undersheriff Richard Beemer and Santa Ana Police Chief Paul Walters had to say.

Yep, Register editors left out one of the nine interviewed candidates for sheriff: Los Angeles County Sheriff's Commander Ralph Martin. Okay, okay. They also botched the name of another candidate: ex-Los Angeles County Sheriff's Chief Sandra Hutchens.

(Does the Reg have something against the LA folks? Martin backers say it's not the first time the paper has shortchanged them with sloppy coverage. The paper's editorial management is cozy with a wing of the local Republican Party that's supporting Paul Walters.)

Surely the screw-up was unintentional, although Martin is considered one of three top candidates to replace FBI-indicted ex-sheriff Mike Carona (pictured) for the remaining two years of his term. If conventional wisdom is right, the other top choices are Walters and Jack Anderson, current acting OC sheriff. All three men impressed members of the Orange County Board of Supervisors during nearly 12 hours of public interviews on Tuesday.

Supervisors are expected to select a replacement sheriff sometime in June. Any of the candidates will do a better job than Carona, who brought a new low to California policing with his womanizing, constant lies, cowardly conduct, waste of taxpayer resources, supersized ego and gross incompetence. He faces a federal corruption trial on bribery charges later this year.

-- R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly

Why Not Wed?, 9 p.m.
Because. That's why.
Hurricanes Bar and Grill
200 Main St., Ste 201 Huntington Beach, CA 92648
714-374-0500

Karaoke At The Prospector, 8 p.m.
Mining for hits
The Prospector
2400 E. Seventh St. Long Beach, CA 90804
562-438-3839

EssenChill, 9 p.m.
Chilling is essential
Memphis Soul Cafe
2920 Bristol St. Costa Mesa, CA 92626
714-432-7685

Whiteboy James And The Blues Express, 8 p.m.
Hop on board!
The Cellar
201 E. Broadway Long Beach, CA 90802

The Danimals, 8 p.m.
Rock solid.
Renaissance Dana Point
24701 Del Prado Ave. Dana Point, CA 92629
949-661-6003

The love the OC Young Democrats bestowed on sweetheart First District candidate Hoa Van Tran, the other Vietnamese candidate (and only Democrat) running against Janet and Dina Nguyen (no relation) for the First District Supervisor's seat, has officially wilted. After rushing ahead of the OC Democratic Central Committee with a zealous early endorsement, the Young Dems officially retracted their support today, "citing the questionable connections of several staff members on the campaign." The Central Committee is holding a special meeting tonight to decide whether they'll pull their support.

Tran hasn't had a pretty month. Allegations that gang members were working for his campaign, finance disclosure missteps, a restraining order filed against his campaign manager Edgardo Reynoso by a former staffer and the strange but identical-to-Dina-Nguyen campaign flier web address typo that sent readers to a gay Cholo porn site, have left supporters and critics wondering what the hell is up with Hoa Van Tran.

Jim "Poorman" Trenton, local "celebrity" and self-described "most fired man in show business" (see "Enter Poorman," Nov. 8, and "Exit Poorman," Jan. 3] is once again caught up in controversy after his May 16 third-annual Bikini Mile at Hollywood Park Race Track and Casino in Inglewood.

The event, which featured 16 strippers jiggling down the horse track in bikinis, seemed to have offended some of the top brass at the famous horse-racing and gambling venue because of it's "lewdness," says Marketing Promotions Manager George Ortuzar.

According to Ortuzar, the managers who okayed Poorman's event—which was taped for his late-night syndicated television program, Poorman's Bikini Beach—thought the women running in the race were "wholesome," "girls-next-door" types, not exotic dancers from Deja Vu in Los Angeles and Larry Flynt's Hustler Club in Westminster, as was the case.

Founded in 1991 by Wendy Mullin, Built by Wendy has become a staple must-see boutique and personal top five favorite while shopping in Brooklyn, Manhattan and Los Angeles. The label first gained some popularity through her custom made guitar straps that were photographed on everybody from (former) Orange County gal Gwen Stefani to everybody in Sonic Youth. The straps are still for sale online and in stores for $40 and are now available in a range of patterns: plaid, striped, ultra suede, tweed and canvas.

But soon after, Mullin drew attention with her charming Americana designs that ooze a DIY sort of mentality. Season after season, Built by Wendy doesn't fail to impress, with their madras dresses, button-up blouses and some of the best non-skinny jeans you can find around for $135. The fit is key with BbW apparel: never too tight, always flattering.

In a way, the designs are reminiscent of Marc by Marc Jacobs, but less expensive and sans all the obnoxious trendy stuff Marc sometimes succumbs to.

Built by Wendy's latest boutique location is right in the Fairfax district of Los Angeles, but, of course, you can peruse the latest collection and on sale past season items on the official website here.

Pictured left is my pick of SS08, the Madras Smocked Sundress ($200) in navy/white.

It is with much regret that OC's favorite idiot bloggin' Catholic priest, Christopher Heath of St. Edward the Confessor in Dana Point, announced last week that he will no longer post, and it really is a tragedy. Now, who will be so openly cavalier in his attitude toward clerical sex-abuse victims?

For one of his swan songs, Heath wrote about the controversy surrounding retired Australian Bishop Geoffrey Robinson, whom Diocese of Orange Bishop Tod D. Brown arrogantly tried to ban from giving a June 11 speech in the Costa Mesa Community Center. Of course, Heath won't see "this Aussie," as he so eloquently puts it. But the most galling part? "I doubt this bishop is going to be any different from the kind of speakers who come every year into our diocese as part of the Los Angeles Religious Education Congress, which in my opinion is not worth going to," he opines. Oh, but he is, Chris: Bishop Robinson is a sex-abuse victim himself, and the former head of Australia's response to its own Catholic Church sex-abuse scandal, something that none of your leaders can claim. For someone prone to so many vanities, it's quite hypocritical to malign good Catholics--ah, but who are we to try to speak sense into a self-professed Downtown Disney fan (click on "About Us," then "Priests" for the disturbing confession).

Memorial Day Edition

Long weekends aren't just for relaxing. OC Weekly staffer Luke Y. Thompson kept himself busy by going to the Scottish festival at the OC fair, where he found some of his very distant relatives from the Clan Graham. He also attended a cookout with a bunch of other (relatively) young movie critics, among them Todd Gilchrist, Brent Simon, Dave White, and Alonso Duralde. But all of this action didn't stop him from writing his weekly Fast Food Review, this week features the many flavors of Mountain Dew.

Erin DeWitt partied it up at the grand opening of Santa Ana hot spot, The Crosby, while Dave Segal got queasy over the images of microcosmos on screen near the stage performances of psych-pop groups Quarter After and Asteroid #4 at the Prospector in Long Beach. Boo, insects.

On Sunday, Andrew Youssef caught The Cult's performance at The Grove of Anaheim and Edwin Goei ventured outside the county walls to review Magic Wok, a Filipino restaurant in Artesia that serves "the greatest pork dish in the world." Hefty title.

Bonus: Since it's a long weekend, we should note that on Monday Derek Olson debuted "The Village Pillage: News From The Alternative Universe," the new weekly blog column that gives us OC peeps a look at what other alt weeklies are covering around the nation.

Cooking Class: Exceptional Pizza, 6 p.m.
Why not cook your own pizza for once? You lazy little...
Blackmarket Bakery
17941 Sky Park Circle, Suite E Irvine, CA 92614
949-852-4689

Mic Check Tuesday, 9 p.m.
One. Two.
The Blue Café
210 N. Promenade Long Beach, CA 90802
562-983-7111

Orange County's Native American Sacred Sites, 7 p.m.
Learn how you can help save sacred Native American sites in OC
Tapestry
25801 Obrero Dr. #9 Mission Viejo, CA

Patrick Henry Democratic Club, 6:30 p.m.
Those crazy liberals!
Marie Callender's
1821 N. Grand Ave. Santa Ana, CA 92705

Footage from the U.S.S. Scottish festival at the OC fairgrounds this past Saturday.

I want to share with you what I consider the greatest pork dish in the world. It is called sisig, and it is made by the folks at Magic Wok, a Filipino restaurant in Artesia -- a city I want to nominate as an honorary member of Orange County, simply because Magic Wok is in it.

Their speciality of the house has long been the crispy pata; a whole hind leg of a pig, brined, boiled and deep-fried into a crackle raunchier than a thousand pork rinds. But last year, around the same time they recovered from a fire that nearly destroyed this preferred dining destination for Southland Filipino food lovers, Magic Wok introduced a dish, nay, a porcine opus, that bested its crispy pata on succulence.

This dish is sisig.

The first installment of this column is loaded with pillaged stories from OCWEEKLY's mother company Village Voice Media. This blog space will highlight investigative efforts of our colleagues and their stories' human interest qualities, literary merit, entertainment value and usefulness. Some our readers might not be aware that your favorite alternative newsweekly is actually just one member of a large family of 16. Our intrepid reporters are wearing out shoe leather on the streets of cities like Minneapolis, Nashville, New York, Seattle, Los Angeles, Miami and Phoenix, covering local issues in depth and creating innovative ways to connect their communities together with tough reporting and intelligent and challenging use of the written word.

Check out SFWeekly reporter Ashley Harrell's story "Snitch,". Harrell 's attention to detail helps build a sense of dread as the subject of the story, a grandmother living in one of the San Francisco's most notorious housing projects testifies against a murderer and breaks an unwritten code of silence.

You might think about asking your doctor a few more questions after you read "Blind Trust", Phoenix New Times' John Dickerson writes about the case of a man who went to the Mayo Clinic after having vision problems. Turns out the "doctor" he saw was actually a convicted felon who didn't even have a college degree and, well, he went blind. How did this happen? Read and find out.

Denver Westword's Adam Cayton-Holland "Going, Going, Gone" chronicles the story of a woman scientist who discovered the first new bird species in the U.S. recorded in a hundred years. Turns out it was near extinction and now teeters on the brink of being lost forever. Too bad, it's kinda cute.

Can a $13,000, three injection treatment cure addiction to everything from alcohol to cocaine? Broward-Palm Beach New Times's Michael J. Mooney investigates in "Sobriety in a Bottle,"

As you can see, I'm not fundamentalist in my definition of fast food. All mass-produced snack product is fair game, as perhaps could be noted by the fact that the first one I did involved the Dave & Busters menu.

On a late night beer run, I espied a display at the 7-11 with three new kinds of Mountain Dew. Since I adore all Dew except for that pretender flavor that you can only get at Taco Bell and doesn't even taste good with vodka, this was like a goldmine. Alas, two of these flavors are temporary. Which two? Apparently, you get to pick.

Of course, Dew-heads know that even these three were narrowed down from a wider range of possibilities at Dewmocracy.com. I tried to vote in that poll, but the site made me play a bunch of annoying mini-games first, one of which I couldn't figure out how to beat so I gave up. This is a good microcosmic argument for why there should be no poll tax.

But I will review the new flavors right now, trying to do so blindly. Maybe my vote won't count on the site, but my voice will be heard.

DEW #1
Tastes like: Artificial raspberry.
Label sez: Charged with raspberry citrus flavor and ginseng.
Color: blue like blue Gatorade, but not as dark as blue Powerade.
Name: Mountain Dew Voltage
Review: Like a blue raspberry slush puppy without the brainfreeze headache. I could enjoy this once in a while, but it's not addictive-tasting like original Dew or Code Red, or compellingly new like the late great Pitch Black.

While Rich Kane is out celebrating the legality of gay marriage for the next two weeks, I have been placed with the distinguished duty of operating the Reg-o-Meter. It’s an honor and all but . . . I think it’s broken—mostly because I’m not as funny as he is. Anyway, here we go.

Monday, May 19
●With all the hubbub about The Reggie Mom Blog’s MILF controversy, I figured it was time to check out what OC dads had to gripe about on The Dad Blog.
Would they post about drinking beer and watching the Lakers while their fake tittied wives spend all their money? Nope. They actually gripe about the fact that they don’t want people giving their kids money for gifts.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
When I was a kid all I wanted was money. Still do. Better cash than some lame turtleneck sweater. I’ve got an idea; If you don’t like the money people are giving your kids, why not donate it to me? After all, money can buy you anything. Turtleneck sweaters only buy you embarrassment.

Tuesday, May 20
●The Register’s Zena Warrior Fitness blog (No joke. That's really its name) posted a novel idea today: People should consider using online personal trainers. The article, cleverly titled “Ever considered online Personal Training?” delves into the benefits of this computer-centered, no-human-contact form of physical motivation. Now I’m no Indiana Jones over here, but doesn’t eliminating the personal aspect of personal training defeat the entire purpose? I thought the whole point was to pay someone to make you feel bad about yourself and force you to do squat thrusts until tears run down your cheeks. That’s why they're so expensive.

●Speaking of Indiana Jones, every fucking day this week The Register ran something about the new movie. Why? Is Dr. Jones a man of local significance? Does the new movie have anything what-so-ever to do with Orange County? No. No it doesn’t. But somehow the Reg's crack team of Indy specific reporters—no doubt working round the clock—found a boy obsessed with the Jones film trilogy. This two-year-old’s father has groomed him to be obsessed with the films just like dad. And sadly, it took.
The kid’s name is Harrison—after actor Harrison Ford—and was named this only because the woman who birthed him refused to call her son Indiana. They even make the poor kid wear a fadora.
“No whipping in the house!”
I think someone should call child services. This kid is going to get picked-on to no end during his formative years and grow up to be either a stalker or a delusional womanizing archeologist. I can’t decide which is worse.

Wednesday, May 21
●In the “Ask Us Anything” column, Fountain Valley resident Floyd Crabill complains about the paint colors on a local building.
And that in and of itself pretty much sums up The Register for the rest of this week.

Usually only available in specialty stores like HSS in Huntington Beach and not-so-specialty stores like Fred Segal, RVCA has finally launched an official online storefront to fulfill all your shopping needs.

While HSS, Fred Segal, Nordstrom and such reliably carry a few logo shirts at all times, it's pretty much limited to just that. The online store offers a wide range you won't likely find elsewhere in one place: men and women's accessories, hats, swim trunks, purses, even gift certificates. My favorites include this Ben Horton-designed men's hoodie and the women's nylon Marsea bag.

Visit RVCA's online store here. Free shipping on all orders over $100.

The funniest of articles appeared earlier this week in the Orange County Register: Christian churches are uniting to save marriage. At Eastside Christian Church in Fullerton, about 100 pastors gathered under the guise of the Orange County Marriage Education Initiative, which its website declares is "a non-profit organization dedicated solely to strengthening marriages and reducing the divorce rate within Orange County." On and on, these folks told reporter Serena Maria Daniels how important marriage is--then the rub. When it came to gay marriage--recently found constitutional by the California Supreme Court--California Healthy Marriage Initiative president Dennis Stoica told Daniels, "We know that is a very important issue to a lot of people," but that attendees "would not comment on political matters," according to the Register.

Oh, really? Eastside Christian is listed as a drop-off point for folks trying to get a proposition on the November ballot that would create a California constitutional amendment banning gay marriages. Other people involved in the initiative are the fag-bashers in the Calvary Chapel movement and a lot of other homo-haters. Those folks are not shy at all in telling the world how evil gay marriage is, even though as it stands without the union of same sexes, divorce amongst breeders is pretty damn high. Expect to hear more from these creeps in the coming months...

There's certainly one sheriff-busting investigative reporter here who probably isn't shocked by the revelation that Mike Carona maintained a secret, tax-payer funded, hidden video camera and password-protected computer system stashed in his office.

Apparently our trusty former-and-now-indicted sheriff took it upon himself to use our tax dollars to (illegally?) videotape conversations (and who knows what else) in his office. We'll just have to wait and see if Mike ever giggled, pointed a finger at some dark little spot in his office and said to the DA, Gotcha! The news was posted to the OCR's blog last night. Expect to see unedited clips as soon as we can get our hands on them. For now, though, not even the feds have cracked the computer code to see the goods.

Memorial Day Weekend Sales at the LAB, Friday-Monday
Sidewalk sales by Urban Outfitters, Harlow's, Carve & Blends and Habit
The Lab
2930 Bristol St. Costa Mesa, CA 92626

Standing Up for Justice and Peace, Friday 5 p.m.
Peacefully protest the wrongs of the world
Outside South Coast Plaza
Corner of Bristol and Anton Costa Mesa, CA

Money Power! 101, Saturday 12:30 p.m.
Train your children to be money hungry little bastards. Just like us!
Shore Books and Art Gallery
3064 East Broadway Long Beach, CA 90803
562-433-9633

On, Of, and About Paper, Daily
Paper?! Tell me more!
Orange County Center for Contemporary Art
117 N. Sycamore Santa Ana, CA 92701
714-667-1517

Beer Bust And T-Dance, Sunday 4 p.m.
Be there.
Ripples
5101 E. Ocean Blvd. Long Beach, CA 90803
562-433-0357

1,975 years after being nailed to a cross for our sins, Jesus Christ, son of God, our savior, the Messiah, Lamb and Nazarene, has just worked a miracle in Oregon.

That's the good news being shared by Reverend Wiley Drake, our favorite local gay-bashing Southern Baptist. In one of his relentless, several-times-a-day-emails, Drake tells the Weekly that an Oregon supreme court ruled yesterday that the state's ban on gay marriage is constitutional. You might recall that last week, California's supreme court ruled the opposite, allowing gay couples to apply for marriage certificates as soon as the state ban expires next month.

"One more win for Jesus and the good guys," says Drake. "Praise God, Jesus and the good guys win again." The rest of the email gives a nice history of Oregon's Measure 36, passed by voters in 2004, which outlawed man-man and lady-lady nuptials. Drake doesn't give any details about how exactly Jesus achieved this "victory" nor does he answer the question of why our lord and savior failed to protect us God-fearing folks in California from gay people who want to get hitched.

As Edward G. Robinson once told Charlton Heston, "Where's your Messiah now?"

Congratulations are in order to the Orange County chapter of Voice of the Faithful (OCVOTF), a Catholic laity organization. Yesterday, we reported how Diocese of Orange Bishop Tod D. Brown wrote a letter to former Diocese of Sydney Bishop Geoffrey Robinson (pictured at left) arrogantly advising him to that "you do not have my permission to speak in the Diocese of Orange" even though Robinson's June 11 lecture at a OCVOTF gathering was to take place at the decidedly secular Costa Mesa Community Center. We placed a call to OCVOTF head Steve Dzida, and he told us the group was preparing a statement. He left it as a comment late last night, and we publish it here in its entirety:

Voice of the Faithful Orange County looks forward to Bishop Robinson’s speaking engagement on June 11 at 7 PM at the Costa Mesa Neighborhood Community Center, 1845 Park Avenue, Costa Mesa, CA. While we disagree with Bishop Brown on this issue, we applaud his other efforts to effect change in our Church.

Congratulations, OCVOTF for truly being vessels of Christ; we will definitely attend. As for Toddy Brown--you can learn a bit from your flock instead of the wolves you surround yourself with.

If the Half-Yearly Nordstrom Sale isn't your thing (...it should! Yours truly purchased an Anna Sui blouse-and-skirt ensemble at something like 58% off), then the Memorial Day sales going on at the Lab this weekend might be what you're looking for.

Everyone's favorite, Urban Outfitters, will be hosting a sidewalk sale where everything will be on sale for $9.99. Harlow's Summer Sale will also take place Friday through Sunday at both their Lab and Camp locations: purchase any item in the store and receive 20%-50% off on your selected item of equal or lesser value. They'll even have premium denim from favorites like Sass & Bide and Earnest Sewn on sale for $75-$100. And finally, Carve & Blends will have selected items on sale for 50%-60% off, while Habit will be hosting their own sidewalk sale.

Avoid the masses at the mall down the street, score some cool crap for 50% off and have an iced banana mocha at Gypsy Den while you're at it.

The Lab is located at 2930 Bristol St., Costa Mesa, (714) 966-6660; www.thelab.com. Open Mon.-Sat., 10:30 a.m.-9 p.m.; Sun., 11 a.m.-6 p.m.

To tell you the truth, I haven't regularly watched Keith Olbermann since his days as a sportscaster on KTLA-TV Channel 5 and KCBS-TV Channel 2--and even as an elementary school wab, I found him annoying. I hear his MSNBC show The Countdown is pretty entertaining--but again, I find him irritating so don't bother to watch.

Still, I give the man my respects. Yesterday, he named Orange County's premier loudmouth, Hugh Hewitt, the Worst Person in the World. Click below to watch the hilarity!

Dead birds give you the jeepers? Ick. Me too. And what's worse is OC Vector Control just issued a press release stating that 13 bird bodies have been found between Huntington Beach and Brea infected with the West Nile Virus. That's the largest number since 2004, one year after the virus was originally detected in Orange County.

Because WNV is a potentially fatal virus spread by mosquitoes, testing the bodies of dead birds is an important way to detect its presence in our area. So, if you find a dead bird: Please don't handle the body with your bare hands. Contact your local health department for instructions on reporting and disposing of the body. Also try to eliminate any standing water you see, because that's where mosquitoes like to get it on. And nobody wants to see that.