Is Mike Schroeder a bad lawyer? Or just a bad liar?

R. Scott Moxley recently announced Schroeder’s hackneyed effort to kneecap Huntington Beach Mayor Debbie Cook’s election challenge to Congressman Dana Rohrabacher (R-Islamabad). It seems Schroeder took issue with Cook’s reference to herself on the ballot as “Mayor” because she was appointed by representatives. At the time, we had no idea just how hackneyed the effort was. In the marvelous words of the court document, prepared by Judges Rylaardsdam and Ikola:

The theory is that section 13107, subdivision (a)(1) of the Elections Code only allows reference to an “elective city ... office which the candidate holds at the time of filing the nomination documents.” (While we do not decide the issue now, we do observe that under this reading of the statute, the President of the United States, having been elected by the Electoral College or House of Representatives, would not qualify.) The theory was apparently to try to establish that the duties of a mayor in a major city in Orange County are ceremonial at best, so that Cook could not claim that being “mayor” was a principal profession, vocation or occupation under section 13107, subdivision (a)(3). That is a highly counterintuitive proposition at best, given that mayors of cities of the population of Huntington Beach typically are on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week to respond to major municipal emergencies, have independent powers of appointment, receive extra compensation, serve on regional commissions and are under a duty, often spared ordinary council members, of attendance at ceremonial functions.

Highly counterintuitive at best? Howsabout at worst? Why would such a skilled strategist as Schroeder, allegedly a Machiavellian mastermind pulling the strings behind the Orange Curtain of the OC Republican power structure, make such a boneheaded claim? Not only that, but why would he fail to PROPERLY make such a boneheaded claim? It turns out Secretary of State Debra Bowen is required to make such a call in Congressional primaries, and thus she is what’s known as an indispensible party and must be named in any such complaint.

She wasn’t. Should Schroeder have picked up on that fact? The court seems to think so.

Country Night, 6:30 p.m.
It's a shit kickin' hoedown. Yee haw!
TIA JUANA'S
14988 Sand Canyon Rd. Irvine, CA 92618
949-551-2998

Industry Night, 9 p.m.
Industrial strength.
Johnny's Saloon
17428 Beach Blvd. Huntington Beach, CA
714-848-0676

Posh Mondays, 9 p.m.
Becks will be served.
Lion's Den
719 W. 19th St. Costa Mesa, CA 92627
949-642-2243

S.I.N. Mondays, 10 p.m.
We think it stands for Stinky Internal Navel. Tough to wash. Uncomfortable mostly.
Fury
4221 Dolphin Striker Way Newport Beach, CA

Salsa Mondays, 8:30 p.m.
Goes well with Taco Tuesdays.
Sachi Bar
6400 E. Pacific Coast Hwy. Long Beach, CA
562-252-8434

This weekend found OCW's Le Receptionist, Leslie Agan, at the opening night of Phantom of The Opera at OCPAC. While our oh-so-fabulous Music Editor Dave Segal was at Kitsch Bar in Costa Mesa catching the diverse and excellent Steve "aDJective" Fisch.

As usual, Managing Editor Rich Kane spent Saturday tearing apart the OC Register and feeding the bits to his Reg-O-Meter. The results didn't come out too well (a.k.a. the machine broke).

Meanwhile, Clubs Editor Erin DeWitt and I caught the OC Music Awards on Saturday night and on Sunday Edwin Goei had a splendid time digesting avocado pizzas at Stonefire Grill in Irvine. Yummy.

Sometime in between, Gustavo Arellano went to Jason's in downtown SanTana to celebrate his retirement with Corsican calamari and an extra-spicy Bloody Mary and Luke Y. Thompson attended a film screening (he loves those darn things). He viewed the world premiere of AMHURST at the Huntington Library, to be precise. It's a horror movie from Huntington Beach director Rocky Costanzo and his company, LifeLine Entertainment. You can catch a full review of the film in an upcoming issue of the OC Weekly.

Yes, we know. Our weekends are just amazing. You may feel jealous now.

Before anyone asks what this has to do with Orange County, I'll tell you:

Headliner John Cena received his training right here in OC, at Rick Bassman's Ultimate Pro Wrestling.

and

Eight years ago, this year's co-headliner Triple H became the first ever "bad guy" to win the main event at WrestleMania...in Anaheim at what is now the Honda Center. WWE and OC have a history.

Results, as they happen:

-Kane won a battle royal to become number one contender for the ECW title.

-JBL defeated Finlay (with Hornswoggle) in a no-disqualification Belfast Brawl.

-C.M. Punk won the "Money in the Bank" ladder match that also featured Chris Jericho, Mr. Kennedy, MVP, Shelton Benjamin, and John Morrison. During the match, Matt Hardy made a surprise run-in that prevented MVP from winning.

-Batista beat Umaga

-Kane defeated Chavo Guerrero in less than a minute to become the new ECW champion. Good for Kane; he deserves a decent title run after all these years.

-Shawn Michaels pinned Ric Flair. Due to prematch stipulations, Ric Flair must now retire, and based on his recent interviews in the mainstream press, it seems this won't be just a gimmick. Odds are he'll still be around as a personality, but his in-ring career is done.

-"Glamazon" Beth Phoenix and Melina (with Santino Marella) defeated Ashley and Maria in a "Playboy Lumberjack Match." Snoop Dogg was the master of ceremonies for the match, and hit a clothesline on Santino afterwards. Santino and Jerry Lawler both got physically involved in the match.

-Randy Orton pinned John Cena -- in a triple threat match that also included Triple-H -- to retain the WWE championship.

-Floyd Mayweather beat The Big Show by knockout in a no-disqualification boxer-vs.-wrestler match, after hitting Show with a steel chair and brass knuckles.

-Undertaker defeated Edge by armbar submission to win the World Heavyweight Championship.

[Reg-O-Meter staff memo: With yet another entry this week of the name “Gordon Dillow,” the Reg-O-Meter, after being in operation a mere three weeks, incurred a major, possibly fatal technological malfunction—goddamn Radio Shack parts. Until repairs can be made, the Reg-O-Meter has been shut down. So instead, please enjoy the following slices of bad Reggie behavior from the past week you may have missed, sans highly scientific calculatin’ and shit.]

SUNDAY, MARCH 23
The Weekly’s R. Scott Moxley posts this steamy-hot, leather-clad, ball-gagged POV on Gordon Dillow’s latest I-love-a-man-in-uniform column. Just in case, you know, you missed it.....

MONDAY, MARCH 24
Hey, Marty Wisckol! Look, man—I don’t know what it’s like to work for the Register—oh, wait . . . yes I do!—but it’s gotta be hard coming up with fresh material for your political column there at the Grand Avenue mausoleum.

Today, though, in “The Buzz”---how much market research was done before the Reg mucky-mucks thought that name up, anyway?—your sense of quiet desperation became terribly obvious. We know how you have to make your job there seem as relevant as possible to your bosses, even though it ain’t. Especially when, like today, you start off your column—headlined “Race makes some wary of Obama”----with the line “If you have any doubt that race remains a significant issue for many voters, check out the OC Political Pulse poll last week on Barack Obama’s ‘race’ speech last week. A quarter of GOP respondents said that Obama had an ‘underlying black agenda.’”

The OC Political Pulse is an online Register poll that’s just as ridiculous and insipid as the Reggie’s old daily telephone polls they used to run in print in an attempt to engage readers—stuff like “Do you like cats? Vote ‘Yes’ or ‘No’” (well, maybe not that insipid, but pretty damn close).

But back to that first graf of Marty's story . . . race a significant issue for “many voters?” Based on your cute li’l fuzzy-faced poll, Marty? As much as we suck at it, let's do the math: The total number of Republicans who responded to your loaded Obama question—and I’m writing this a week after the fact—is 42. And, as you say, a full quarter of that number comes out to . . . a whopping 11. But a headline blaring 11 REPUBLICANS THINK OBAMA HAS AN UNDERLYING BLACK AGENDA just ain’t really sexy, is it? About as sexy as the picture of you that stares at me from your column, Marty . . . you with your creepy Manchurian Candidate/Scientologist's gaze and Charlie Manson grin.

So your whole column is based on the results of a completely batshit poll, and then you go and give it an air of legitimacy by printing the equally batshit rantings of one Sharon Bush, who basically thinks that Obama is a slobbering, sword-carrying, blood-drinking, child-eating Muslim who's trying to take over the country and enslave Christians.

Lovely.

TUESDAY, MARCH 25
Some 7 years after the Weekly first scrawls about very, very OC artist Aaron Kraten—
we’ve even put his work on our cover. Twice!—the Reg finally discovers him and runs a piece on Kraten's new iPod skins. Better late than never, though seven years practically is.

If you read my entry a few posts down, you know it isn't going to be SUPERHERO MOVIE (mark my words, eventually someone will put out a film entitled PARODY MOVIE, and it will still suck, but in a really postmodern kind of way).

So, what to pick this weekend? 21 or STOP LOSS? Because those are really you're only choices unless you want to drive out of county and see AMERICAN ZOMBIE or something like that (better yet, go see THE ROOM Saturday midnight at the Sunset 5. It's been running there for four years now, and is a must-attend for any cinemaniac at some point).

I'm stalling because it's hard to make a pick. But I'm going to go with STOP LOSS. And not just because it's Kimberly Peirce's follow-up to BOYS DON'T CRY, though that's a good reason. It's also because 21 sounds lame -- it stars a white guy playing a person who was actually Asian.

But here's another thing I dig about STOP LOSS, and which will make for some really genius Youtube mash-ups a year or so from now: It stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Channing Tatum as army buddies.

Geeks know where I'm going with this. There's a big blockbuster movie set for next year that also stars Tatum and Gordon-Levitt as army buddies who have a major falling out.

It's called G.I. JOE. And they're playing Duke and Cobra Commander, respectively.

Think of this as the prequel.

Okay, I'm not trying to pile on Chuck Philips or the Los Angeles Times over the now-retracted story about Sean "Diddy" Combs' alleged involvement in a 1994 attack on Tupac Shakur. Ever since The Smoking Gun ran a withering dissection of the documents on which the whole story depended and the Times was forced to issue a sweeping apology for the piece, that pile has gotten pretty damn big, with both readers and other journalists getting in on the action.

I just want to make sure our readers get a good look at Jimmy Sabatino, the known con artist who appears to have produced the bogus FBI documents that fooled the Times (but not the Smoking Gun). Back in 1999, when I was a staff writer at Miami New Times, my colleague and friend Robert Andrew Powell wrote this story about Sabatino. Read the whole thing, and be sure not to miss this part describing how Sabatino would routinely run up five-figure hotel bills without paying a cent:

OC MUSIC AWARDS, 3/29 8 p.m.
OC's finest.
The Grove
2200 E Katella Ave. Anaheim, CA 92806
(714) 712-2700

THE BLACK KEYS, 3/30 7 p.m.
This band fucking rocks. Be there. $20
Glass House
200 W. Second St. Pomona, CA 91766
909-629-0377

DINNER AND LANTERN-LIT TOUR WITH EGYPTOLOGIST KARA COONEY, 3/30 5 p.m.
Awesomely fantastic. Say a final farewell to the Mummies exhibit with dinner and a tour. $55.
Bowers Museum of Cultural Art
2002 N. Main St. Santa Ana CA 92701
714-567-3600

Frisbee Golf, Daily 10 a.m.
You know you want to.
Huntington Beach Disc Golf Course
18000 Golden West St. Huntington Beach, CA 92605

Whale Watching, Daily 3 p.m.
Whales, dolphins, seals, and birds all make incredible journeys along our coast, ranging from a few hundred miles to many thousands. Why not go watch them move? $28.95-$39.95
Aquarium of the Pacific
100 Aquarium Way Long Beach, CA 90802
562-590-3100

Director Craig Mazin has delivered a groundbreaking, whip-smart comic-book spoof that deftly deconstructs the genre without relying on surface-level parody...it’s called The Specials, and it came out nearly eight years ago. Superhero Movie, which is only Mazin’s second directorial effort, is everything his first film was not: predictable, flat, name-dropping, tragically unhip, and likely to make a decent amount of cash.

Drake & Josh’s Drake Bell stars as Rick Riker, a hapless Tobey Maguire wannabe who’s bitten by a genetically enhanced insect and becomes the Dragonfly; what ensues is a silly Spider-Man spoof that’s ironically less witty than Sam Raimi’s source material. Note to screenwriters: it’s clear you think that jokes ending in the words “Myspace,” “YouTube,” or “Wikipedia” are automatically funny, but it just ain’t so. The best that can be said for Mazin is that he’s still a step up from the demonic duo of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (Epic Movie), and Superhero Movie does deliver a small handful of laughs, mostly thanks to the presence of Jeffrey Tambor as a whacked-out doctor. But our standards for parody need to be higher than this.

Brohondo, 9:30 p.m.
Yo yo it's Brohondo.
The Pike Bar & Grill
1836 E. Fourth St. Long Beach, CA 90802
562-437-4453

The Copy Cats, 8 p.m.
Hello Dolly
Doll Hut
107 S. Adams St. Anaheim, CA 92802
714-533-1286

Club Eclipse, 9:30 p.m.
Go ahead. Be furious.
Fury
4221 Dolphin Striker Way Newport Beach, CA

Club Kiss, 9 p.m.
Children love to scribble.
Scribbles
245 Gentle Springs Lane Diamond Bar, CA
909-396-4244

Girls Night Out, 8 p.m.
DJ Soltani rocks the cantina all night long
Chronic Cantina
1870 Harbor Blvd. Costa Mesa, CA 92627