The Biggest Losers: Cops or Deputies?

Ten Santa Ana police officers and ten Orange County Sheriff's deputies are facing off to see who can drop ten percent of their total weight first. There's really not a lot else I feel I need to say about this one. I'm also laughing too hard to type.

"Maureen Albrecht, 55, a senior deputy coroner's investigator, estimated that she weighs "280-something" and said she wants to lose 150 pounds. She has dropped 100 pounds before, she said, but always returned to the cookies and cakes that are readily available where she works.

She called it the "pink box syndrome."

I call it being totally unable to breathe right now.

"This is a lifelong problem with me," she said. "It will be an experience to go into a normal store and buy something off the rack and not worry about whether it'll fit."

On the other side of the contest, Santa Ana motorcycle officer Don Elmore weighed in at 240 and said he was hoping to lose at least 40 of that by April. That's when his daughter is getting married; she's a well-conditioned triathlete.

"I just want her to be proud, you know?" he said."

And I've got nothing for Don. Sounds like a good father. I'm a prick and I shouldn't make fun of these fine public servants.

Okay, fine, just a little...

COP ADVANTAGE: If things are getting down to the wire, the cops can always just "drop" one of their own like an 18-year-old girl with a Swiss Army knife. "What? It's ten percent individually, not ten percent of the total weight? Uh oh."

DEPUTY ADVANTAGE: All they have to do is spend some time in the Orange County Jail and they'll have the weight beaten out of them in no time. Plus, I hear a regular tazing is great for muscle tone. Call it the Bologna and Beating Diet.