NEWS FLASH: Mechanics are crooked

As dutifully chronicled by the unoverestimatable R. Scott Moxley (A Tale of Two Tapes), 2007 saw a nail driven into the coffin of Sheriff Michael Carona's political career, not to mention his testicles. When the LA Times is publishing pictures of your wife and your mistress, calling them the Two Debbies, you just know the country club won't renew your membership for love, money or even political favors.

Two Tapes. Two Debbies. Two convicted Haidls (father Don and son Greg). Two convicted associates (Cavallo and Jaramillo). Truly this story explores the duality of man, for we also have two imbeclies: Mike Carona and Tony "Dumb As A" Rackauckas, our ever-vigilant District Attorney. While he left the boring busywork of nabbing one of America's more prominent and well-funded lawmen to federal law enforcement, Tony Rock was busy with far more sophisticated police work.

Which is to say, they popped EZ Lube for overestimating the amount of repairs cars needed.

That's right. The DA's office is more concerned with auto mechanics than with the Orange County Sheriff. It's possible this is because Carona and Rackauckas share the same advisor--one Mike Schroeder. Or maybe there's a deeper story here.

From The OC Register, Dec. 31:

"We're preventing (EZ Lube) from doing any more unnecessary mechanical work … Our motivation is to make them honest,'' said District Attorney Tony Rackauckas. "If they're going to be dishonest and defraud people, we'll prosecute them."

See, Don Haidl used to be a used-car salesman. He then rose to the lofty rank of Sheriff's #1 money-man, and somewhere in the Top 3 all-time Sheriff Stooges. Now Rackauckas is busting auto mechanics. Could there be a method here?

Follow me on this one. Tony wants to clean up the county. But he can't start at the top; too much work, not to mention it would dick with his consiglieri's choke-hold on the county's power (and Carona's cock). But he DOES know that Haidl and Carona are tight. So he starts an elaborate plan to make a more honest county, starting with auto mechanics and moving up to used-car salesmen - like Don Haidl. Then, with an honest Haidl working on his behalf, Rackauckas could work on making the sheriff honest.

Too bad the lousy FBI came in with their lousy indictments for lousy corruption and lousy bribery and stuff. Lousy feds, ruining Rackauckas's delicate sense of timing.

And what would you prefer, anyway: honest auto mechanics, or honest cops? At least the mechanics only rape you on prices, right? Am I right?

That joke slays in the OC Jail.

Happy New Year! Watch out for corrupt auto mechanics! And sheriffs! And district attorneys!