The "Real" Housewives of Orange County

Categories: TV

Surprise! There is a new housewife out of nowhere! She’s a cougar named Quinn. And boy does she like her some sex. For those of you who are totally out of it, a cougar is a woman who dates men much younger than herself. Quinn is currently dating a 26-year-old who she met at a bar. Annnnnd a few other guys too.

Quinn considers herself to be a good Christian woman and not a cougar. Her reasoning behind this belief is confirmed because she regularly goes to church and because the men she’s dating “think she is closer to their age.” Right Quinn. Like you look 26. Give me a break.

Along with her 26-year-old boy toy, Quinn is dating Billy, a golf pro at one of the country clubs she frequents for boozing purposes. Quinn says she hates being alone and likes “being touched” which is made fairly evident by the fact that she can’t keep her hands off of Billy. This is understandable because they have so much in common, like the fact that they both go to church on Sundays. It is kind of disheartening to watch her neediness with him. She looks like she has to beg for it and Billy seems a little uncomfortable about the cling. But Quinn describes the relationship as being in its honeymoon stage, which she follows up by saying she almost doesn’t want to go out with him in public, rather she “wants to take him out back and mack on him.” I believe that saying was originally written in the Old Testament but I could be wrong about that.

As their PDA-a-thon of a date nears its end, Billy asks Quinn what she is doing the next day.

“I have a date,” Quinn responds. You can see him deflate. Poor Billy. But Quinn is out to play the field. She doesn’t want to put all of her eggs in one basket.

Quinn is dating a couple people right now but decides to meet up the 26-year-old Jared, who has been her “friend” for several months now. Holy shit. It must be nice to have money. This guy is a nice looking gent, a little douchey, but in good shape. Quinn feels it necessary to add that he goes to church with his family. So they have that in common. It’s funny how she brings this up right after he asks her if she’s wearing any panties . . .

Later in the episode all of the housewives get together for drinks. Vickie is loud and drunk as usual and Quinn finds them a little intimidating. After all, the ladies are a tough crowd and very hard on each other. But nice Tammy, my favorite housewife, decides not to be a complete bitch like her lady friends and compliments Quinn’s shirt. I love her. Tamra on the other hand, decides to take another route and busts out the rudeness by asking inappropriate first meeting questions like, how old are you? And who’s your doctor? But she goes into full on bitchiness overload when Quinn brings out Jared. At first the women are confused and think Jared is Quinn’s son, but then they start to understand that Quinn isn’t a normal housewife. She is a lady cougar on the prowl! Hold on to your children ladies! Quinn is out tonight!

Tamra may feel a bit threatened by Quinn, which becomes evident when she says, “I think if you’re super hot like Demi Moore you can pull [dating a younger man] off, but that’s not the case here.” Ouch. Damn Tamra’s mean, but kudos to her for speaking the truth. Now go get some more botox and quit talking.

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