Hail Jesus: The Weekly and Pastor Wiley Drake Save America, One Day at a Time!
Dearest brethren and sisters of the Internet, God's children all:
Let us all join our hands in prayer and thank the Lord for both the Orange County Weekly and Wiley Drake, the Buena Park-based, homeless-person-feeding, gay-bashing, Southern Baptist Pastor.
Why blesseth we the Weekly and Pastor Drake?
For this, I sayeth: America would certainly have blown up into a million billion little pieces by now if it weren't for them, because God--yeah God, the bearded fella who teaches us that the queers should be killed and you should never worship golden cows or covet your neighbor's wife or other property--loves Israel. And the Bush administration, those whores of Babylon, have earned His wrath by sponsoring so-called peace talks in that sinful land known as Annapolis, Maryland.
Get behind me, Satan!
Now, this so-called peace deal, as told to us by Pastor Drake--praise Jesus!--between the Israelis and the Palestinians is a threat to God's chosen people and their land. Don't ask why! Don't question Pastor Drake on this, for he is a Pastor and he knoweth the Lord! Amen!
In a Nov. 27 email Pastor Drake sent the Weekly, he called on us to join him in his daily prayer vigil on behalf of Israel, warning us that the "Piece [sic] deal in Annapolis will blow America to pieces." Drake, who talks to God on a daily basis, quoted Him as saying that "And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed."
When we got this email, we prayed, and we prayed hard. Praise Jesus! All hail the Lord!
And so far the world ain't blowed up yet.