Los Angeles County firefighters who traveled the distance to fight recent blazes in San Diego County are being charged $100 for using the toll roads without paying the fee, the Register reported today.

It seems that these "heroes" think they are the kings of the world who are magically exempt from such charges. Darn firefighters! They think they can get away with everything. It's not like they were heading to save some lives or anything.

Oh wait. Yes they were. In fact, the blazes destroyed 1700 homes, burned 368000 acres and killed 10 people in San Diego county and the damage could have been worse if it weren't for these brave souls.

But emergency situations don't seem to matter much to the TCA, who told the LAFD to pay up regardless. However, they were nice enough to reduce the fine to $5 after much coaxing from fire department officials.

All I have to say is that the TCA better hope their headquarters doesn't catch fire any time soon. That might make for an uncomfortable situation.

Read the Register's story here.

Ooooh yeah, dig it...THE SAVAGES.

The name of the movie is one of those insufferable cutesy puns – these characters have the surname of “Savage” and they behave poorly! Why, that's ironic! -- but don't let that deter you from the rest of the movie, a film that achieves the rare balance of being both hilarious and tragic.

It begins with a lovably surreal musical number in the suburbs of Arizona, with elderly chorus girls, before rubbing our faces in shit, literally – Dad Savage (Philip Bosco) is losing his mind, and writing words in his feces. If that weren't bad enough, his elderly wife then dies...only she's not his wife, just a long-term companion with whom he had the equivalent of a pre-nup, so that on her death, he gets nothing but a metaphorical boot out the door, right when he needs care the most.

FREE FRIDAYS, until 5pm
No admission cost every Friday.
Long Beach Museum of Art, 2300 East Ocean Blvd., Long Beach, (562) 439-2119

HOMECOMING CHRISTMAS FAIR, 5pm
The event will feature vendors, a kid's petting zoo, bounce houses, pony rides and of course Santa.
Piecemakers Country Store, 1720 Adams Ave., Costa Mesa, (714) 641-3112

HOTEL CALIFORNIA: A SALUTE TO THE EAGLES, 8pm
Doors open at 5pm
OC Pavilion, 801 N Main St., Santa Ana, (714) 550-0880

ROCKIN’ MOMS MUSIC SHOWCASE, 8pm
Join grammy-nominated Tiffany Petrossi, Rosanna D'Agnillo, and Arlene Kole--all prominent local musicians who happen to be moms--for an evening of hot mamas and great music.
The Gypsy Den, 125 N Broadway, Santa Ana, (714) 835-8840

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS, 8pm
A unique holiday production.
The Maverick Theater, 110 E. Walnut Ave., Fullerton

Seriously: tomorrow, at 7 p.m. inshallah, yours truly will be a guest host on KFI-AM 640. Sí, the same KFI of perpetual Latino immigrant antagonizers John & Ken, of Rush Limbaugh, Dr. Laura, Matt Drudge, and so many other conservative darlings is allowing this Mexican to peddle his Reconquista propaganda for three hours--no restrictions, no co-host to mitigate. I'll do some on-air "Ask a Mexican" until the masses tire of it, at which point...well, you'll just have to tune in tomorrow, ¿qué no?

Apparently Bravo can't get enough of The Real Housewives of Orange County and now we're all going to suffer.

The network just green lit a one-hour pilot for ousted housewife Jo De La Rosa as she searches for love and tries to become a famous singer in Los Angeles.

I didn't think television could get any more desperate for reality shows about love. But hey, they gave one to frickin' Bret Michaels so what do I know. I guess people will watch anything no matter how mundane and irrelevant. That must be why Entertainment Tonight is still on the air.

To see the formal press release for Jo Jo's new show click here.

Weekly contributing writer Joel Beers checks in on the recent developments in OC's theater scene:

The Orange County Register reported Monday that the city of Garden Grove may finally have a tenant to take over the two city-owned theaters on Main Street: the Gem Theatre, a former movie house turned 250-seat inside theater, and the approximately 500-seat Festival Amphitheatre, the county's best outdoor venue.

The theaters have been vacant for nearly two years after the Grove Theater Center split after 12 years of trying to balance what the city wanted—community theater crap—and more diverse plays, including new works, adventurous Samuel Beckett offerings, and the best thing to ever hit Orange County theater: the Troubadour Theatre Company.

The Grove, which was comprised of Kevin Cochran and Charles Johansen, two East Coast imports whose talents and vision were under-appreciated in stodgy Garden Grove, are now based in Burbank, and a 2007 world premiere it produced, Film Chinois, recently won best new play laurels in the 2007 Ovation awards.

While it's cool that a resident company might soon move into the space, it's hardly grounds to celebrate too wildly when you consider who it is: One More Productions, which, over the past four years, has given Orange County audiences such riveting fare as Bye Bye Birdie, You're a Good Man Charlie Brown and Little Shop of Horrors.

Yep, that's it. The crazy collaborations by designers have come to the most unthinkable huh?-inducing climax with the special limited-edition Vespa designed by Gap.

Yeah, that Gap. With the sweaters, khakis and same designs every year (save for the color palette) GAP. Snoozy GAP.

But this? This is kinda adorable.

So if you happen to be wondering what to get me for Christmas this year, you can go ahead and buy me this colorful 2007 Limited Edition Vespa LX50 with a custom "Crazy Stripe" design, all at a cool $5,999. Never mind that I could never take that thing on the freeway and the dissemination of Southern California and its overall incompatibility with scooters and the sort. Totally not important.

Find out how to purchase your own Gap-designed Vespa here.

A couple of weeks ago, your favorite wab invaded the pages of the Eugene Weekly, the great alt-weekly that serves Eugene, Oregon. The reception hasn't been bueno--in fact, Eugene Weekly editor Ted Taylor met yesterday with "concerned Latino community leaders" (my quotes, not his) who want him to drop the column. In order to explain ¡Ask a Mexican! to the non-satire inclined, the paper's cover story this week is an interview with me, which touches on the same notes that this one and this one did. And for further merriment, check out this segment on a Eugene television station. Confidential to the Asian chick, who fretted that the next insulting column down my slippery slope would be "Ask an Asian": it's even better than that--it's "Ask a Korean!", and it's pinche brilliant.

• Bishop Brown citation dropped: The Los Angeles Times reports that a contempt-of-court citation against Orange Bishop Tod Brown has been dropped as part of an almost-$7 million sex abuse settlement. Plaintiff's attorney John Manly said the diocese forced them to drop their bid for the citation: "The diocese insisted that it be done this way or they would have refused to pay our clients." But Diocese of Orange attorney Peter Callahan, in typical Callahan form, said the contempt case was dismissed by the court because it "lacked merit." Gustavo Arellano blogs the hell out of the Orange sex abuse scandal often enough - check out his Ex Cathedra archive here.
• Late to the dance again: The Register plays catch-up with the Times on yesterday's Debbie Carona story. Kind of like the way they did when the indictment story broke last month.
• Sea lion stabber fesses up: The jerk who stabbed a sea lion with a steak knife through the heart in Newport Beach last July has a name - Hai Nguyen. CBS News reports that he was fishing off a NB pier when the creature snatched the bait from his line. Nguyen told a federal magistrate that he never meant to kill the sea lion, just scare it away, y'know, with a knife. He faces up to a year in prison and a $20,000 fine.
• Lost and Found: A San Clemente mother was reported missing earlier in the month and has yet to be found. Heather Lynn Gould left her two children, purse and IDs home on Oct. 15. Her fiancee waited three weeks to file a missing persons report in the hopes she would return. Meanwhile, the 65-year-old Anaheim guy with Alzheimer's who wandered away from a hospital Monday was found safe yesterday at a shopping center on Euclid Street.
• Best rumor ever: Britney Spears? At our upcoming Christmas party?! Wonder who cooked that one up. . .

SPECIAL SPARKLERS, 6pm
Tasting of sparkling wines (start prepping for New Years!)
WineStyles, 270 E 17th St., Ste. 14, Costa Mesa, (949) 631-6627

A CHRISTMAS WITH SCROOGE, 7pm
Runs through December 23rd.
Musical Theatre Village, 36-C Mauchly, Irvine

THE WOMAN WHO WAS HEPBURN, 7pm
Author William J. Mann will discuss his biography of the leading lady.
Central Library, 1000 Avocado Ave., Newport Beach

ANNE OF GREEN GABLES: THE MUSICAL, 8pm
A musical adaptation of the classic novel about Anne Shirley, a red-haired, wide eyed orphan girl.
The Chance Theater, 5552 E. La Palma Ave., Anaheim, (714) 777-3033

BEETHOVEN’S SEVENTH, 8pm
Classical music fans should take note.
OC Performing Artscenter, Renée and Henry Segerstrom Concert Hall

In the most recent episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County, all the ladies get together for some drunk time and gossip at a restaurant. To sum this gathering up in one sentence: Squawk, squawk, Tamra says inappropriate things and Vicki is an annoying bitch, squawk.

In fact, that sentence pretty much sums up the whole episode.

I will explain. See, Vicki wants to sell her house. (The small one - not the big one.) The big one makes her feel more important. Anyway, she lists the house and Tamra, a Realtor who has a client that is interested in the property, decides to bring the client by and make a sale. But the opportunity is disrupted when Tamra decides it would be a smart business move to call her client a cheap asshole. That pretty much describes her lack of an inner monologue.

We get many, many books sent to the Weekly HQ, and most of the time, what winds up on my shelf is a mixed bag of fun diversions, crap, interesting concepts and more crap. But of the six books I read this month, there was no crap. It's like Christmas! With better presents!

The standard blurbosity:

Forget that the Juaneno Indians helped build Mission San Juan Capistrano, or that they had a very real and very different name (the Acjachemem) before the Spanish renamed them after the Mission, or that they've been around for 9,000 years. The federal government just ain't buyin' it.

The blow came today, when the The Bureau of Indian Affairs rejected two separate applications for federal tribal recognition by members of the Juanenos, which were once scattered all over Orange County.

Recognition as a tribe would have guaranteed the Juanenos federal money for schools and health care and would have permitted the tribe to buy land and build a casino on that land. But the Bureau said tribal members did not meet four of the seven criteria required for recognition. Tribal members have fought in the past, not surprisingly, over whether to build a casino. The group is now divided into two factions, one in San Juan Capistrano and the other in Santa Ana.

At least one person, Rep. John Campbell (R-Irvine) is convinced all the tribe wants is recognition so that they can build a casino. He's done what he can to block their federal recognition, including introduction of a bill that would block any newly recognized tribe from building a casino for 25 years. He's even considering a bill that would block all future tribes from receiving federal recognition.

Juaneno tribal members say they will continue with their appeals to the Bureau, which they initiated when they first began the long process for recognition in 1982. Read past coverage of the Juanenos in the Weekly here.

Pictured: Jacque Nuñez, a 'living history character,' courtesy of www.sanjuancapistrano.net.

• More dirt on Debbie? Yesterday we noted that Debbie Carona was doing her darndest to wriggle her way out of a case that's mainly against her husband. Wait a second, missy. Today, Christine Hanley and Garrett Therolf at the Times report that the sheriff's wife urged Orange County Fair Board directors to support a swap meet operator who donated thousands to her husband's political campaigns despite a proposal from rival firm. Hanley and Therolf are having tons of fun poking around the Costa Mesa fair grounds for dirt on Debbie, who sits on the fair board. Earlier in the month, they reported that the owners of the Giant Paintball Park (which is currently on the fair grounds) paid the Caronas $25,000 for their help in landing such a primo paintballing spot.
• Fire season still on in OC: The National Weather Service has declared a red-flag warning from 3 a.m. to 6 p.m. in Orange County's canyons today. The Santa Anas are expected to reach 55 mph in eastern OC today while humidity drops to 10-15 percent.
• Game over: Disney wins its war on cheap housing near its Anaheim resort, report the Times and Register. As expected, the Anaheim City Council voted yesterday to withdraw its support of the proposed housing project near the park.
• Injured joggers win big: Two ladies who became quadriplegic after being struck by a car in a Dana Point bike lane in 2006 are getting $50 million from the city for their pains. The hit-and-run driver, William Todd Bradshaw, is serving four years in prison.

SCIENCE AND THE UNIVERSITY: AN EVOLUTIONARY TALE PART III, 5pm
Lecture on science, security and control
Crystal Cove Auditorium located at UC Irvine

BREAD WORKSHOP, 6:30pm
Cooking class.
Sur la Table, 832 Avocado Ave., Newport Beach, (949) 640-2330

A VINEYARD IN TUSCANY: A WINE LOVER’S DREAM, 6:30pm
Wine, appetizers and guest speaker, Ferenc Mate, who wrote A Vineyard in Tuscany: a Wine Lover's Dream.
Latitude 33 Bookshop, 311 Ocean Ave., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-5403

JOHN HEFFRON, 8:30pm
From Last Comic Standing.
Irvine Improv located in the Irvine Spectrum, 71 Fortune Dr., Irvine

LAUGH LOUNGE, 9pm
Featured every Wednesday night.
Ten Restaurant, 4647 MacArthur Blvd., Newport Beach

Orange County scored an article in the New York Times today on the planned November 30 unveiling of its glorious world’s largest plant devoted to "purifying sewer water to increase drinking water supplies."

For decades, water agencies all over the country have purified sewer water and dumped it back into rivers or used it for irrigation, but the water district's new facility in Fountain Valley will be one of only about a dozen nationwide converting reclaimed water for, ehem, drinking, according to the NYT. The system has been under construction for six years and is estimated to provide more than 23 billion gallons of water each year.

This must be another attempt by the wise elders of the county to provide greater dental health to residents. It is well-known (and readily backed up by Wikipedia) that during the Renaissance, drinking piss was a popular way to whiten one's teeth. Combine that with the cavity-fighting Fluoride infusion being dumped into the water currently and we'll have the best choppers in the nation. Think of all the money we'll save on toothpaste and dental insurance!

There's true heartbreak involved when you open a package in the mail that looks like it contains a DVD, only to find that inside, all you get is a CD single of the one original song from THE LAST MIMZY in a jewel case stamped "For Your Consideration." (Film critics don't vote for "Best Original Song," nor would they likely give it to anything from THE LAST MIMZY if they did.)

But then there's the double-heartbreak: "Great, a DVD! Oh, wait...didn't they already send this? Oh no, it's gotta be a CD single again...but no...what is this? Oh my goodness, a big piece of folded cardboard with pictures from the movie on it! That seals the deal for me...I can't NOT give "Best Film" to a movie that impresses me in this fashion."

Okay, yeah, I know I sound like a spoiled brat (it's a deliberate writing choice), and yes, longtime readers, I do know I'm not Commie Girl, because every time I look in the mirror I see a male face. So what's the point? Just wanted to show off these cardboard foldy things, and wonder why anyone would spend the money to send them to me.

Check the images after the jump...

Long Beach was voted a top city again. And no, this time its not because the city has the dirtiest water in the state, you cynical bastards. It's because Long Beach has the unhappiest women in the country! Hooray!

According to Self Magazine's December issue, which hits stands today, Los Angeles-Long Beach has the lowest score in the happiness category. Leaving resident females with a distinct sense of pride. After they take their Lexapro of course.

LB-LA landed the top spot after facing tough competition from the runner-up cities of Bakersfield, Gary, Ind., Stockton-Lodi and Riverside-San Bernardino. I always knew those ladies in the Stockton-Lodi area seemed a little too happy. What with their whistling while they work and all.

An article (if you can call a 10-sentence blurb, including the writer's contact information, an article) in yesterday's Orange County Register confirms that Steve Rocco, Orange County's favorite edgoo-ma-caterer, has survived the latest assassination attempt by the secret cabal that controls local politics behind the Orange curtain. Actually, assassination attempt is a bit of an exaggeration: what the Register reported is that a group of school officials and parents who have been gathering signatures to subject Rocco to a special recall election gave up their efforts because they determined it would be too "costly."

Rocco, in case you didn't know, is the lovable Orange Unified School District trustee, former substitute teacher and full-time conspiracy theorist who won office in the heavily conservative school district three years ago because his opponent, Phil Martinez, had the misfortune of being endorsed by the teacher's union. Shortly after the election, people started wondering just who they voted for and reporters from across the country descended on Rocco's well-secured Santa Ana compound in vain attempts to interview him. Amidst that frenzy, the Weekly made history by unveiling him as the deceased performance artist Andy Kaufman and the author of the self-published book R.O.C.C.O Behind the Orange Curtain: Secret Chronicles & Public Record Accounts of Corruption, Murder & Scandal of Corporate & Political California, a half-diary/half-expose of The Partnership, an unlikely alliance between the Albertsons grocery chain, Kodak Corp. and Smokecraft Sausage.

• Debbie Carona wants out: On Halloween day, the Weekly sat in a crowded Santa Ana courtroom and watched the odd trio of sheriff, wife and mistress twitching as they sat cuffed and in uncomfortably close quarters. Debbie Carona sat a lawyer away from her hubby and did not so much as look at him the entire time, though she seemed obsessed with the room's double doors. That chick wanted out and by George, she's working on it. Peggy Lowe at the Register reports that Mrs. Carona has asked that prosecutors specifically outline the case against her so she can begin “extricating” herself. Out of the 65 criminal acts detailed in the indictment, she's named in just seven and faces only one count of conspiracy.
• Hillary is coming to town: Madame Clinton will be speaking 1:15 p.m. Thursday at the annual Global Summit on AIDS and the Church at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest on a panel called "The Global P.E.A.C.E. Plan: Conversations with Leaders." She'll be joined by the guy some call the, er, "world's sexiest preacher." Other presidential hopefuls have been invited, and Martin Wisckol at the Register reports that four lazy louts have said they'd send a video instead of showing up in person.
• Story we didn't want to click on: Tree trimmer in Cerritos pinned and killed on the job.
• Taking it back at 5? The whole Disney housing hulaballoo may end this afternoon when Anaheim's City Council meets. The council is expected to repeal its decision to allow residential development near the resort area. Agenda here.

FALL OUT BOY, 7pm
Doors open at
Long Beach Arena – Long Beach Convention Center, 300 E. Ocean Blvd., Long Beach

SWITCHFOOT, 7pm
Enjoy Switchfoot live in concert.
Bren Events Center located on the UC Irvine Campus

SO CAL MUSIC LIVE ACOUSTIC COMPETITION, 8pm
The So Cal Music Live Acoustic Competition is a contest to determine the best live acoustic performers in the Southern California area. It is comprised of four categories – Best Female, Best Male, Best Band and Fan Favorite.
The Gypsy Den, 125 N. Broadway Ave., Santa Ana, (714) 835-8840

DUELING PIANO, 9pm
Enjoy a friendly piano competition while you dine.
The Rockin’ Taco Cantina, 111 Harbor Blvd., Fullerton

COMEDY JUICE COLLEGE NIGHT, 10pm
Comedy fix for the night.
Irvine Improv located in the Irvine Spectrum, 71 Fortune Dr., Irvine

Just a year ago, the Orange County Register's food section was amongst the best in California, with multiple recipes and general features, food reviews published on Thursdays and Fridays, an end-of-the-week dining guide and a "Wine of the Week" column by longtime Register investigative reporter Chris Knap. But the section has weathered too many hits in the past 12 months, starting with the departure of Tenny Tatusian earlier this year and the elimination of the Friday food review and dining guide a couple of months later. Now comes word via the Register's food blog that critic Cynthia Furey is leaving, meaning Orange County's paper of record has no full-time staff food critic (longtime Register food critic Elizabeth Evans has been freelancing for years). Furey's post states that other Register staffers will take over the blogging responsibilities but doesn't offer any word on whether the paper will ever hire another full-time reviewer or continue pegging freelancers and non-food section Register staffers to write reviews. Knap's last wine column, by the way, was on October 25--a raised glass to hoping he's on vacation, and that the syndicated crap from the San Francisco Chronicle that the Reg published the past couple of Thursdays is just filler.

That's what the Michelle Malkins and Jonathan Constantines of the world will undoubtedly screech once this open letter of apology to Muslims by Christian pastors percolates through the blogosphere. The letter--which appeared Nov. 18 as a full-page ad in the New York Times--is an ecumenical overture to Muslim scholars after 138 of them signed a letter in October urging peace between each others' religions. Among the Christian signers with Orange County ties: Rick "Purpose-Driven Life" Warren and Robert "Crystal Cathedral" Schuller. Notably absent: noted Muslim sympathizer Paul Crouch.

In other Schuller news, Robert A. Schuller, Jr. has earned a couple of profiles recently as Bobby travels the country to promote his new book, Walking in Your Own Shoes: Discover God’s Direction for Your Life. No word yet on when he makes a non-Crystal Cathedral OC appearance or how Bobby keeps that black hair so thick...

26TH ANNUAL TREE LIGHTING CEREMONY, 6pm
Join South Coast Plaza as they commemorate the coming holiday season with their tree lighting ceremony.
South Coast Plaza, 3333 Bristol St., Costa Mesa

RICK SOLEM – PIANIST, 6:30pm
Live music while you dine.
Ralph Brennan’s Jazz Kitchen located in Downtown Disney, 1590 S. Disneyland Dr., Anaheim

STORYTIME, 7pm
This is for the little ones
Barnes & Nobles located in Bella Terra, 7881 Edinger Ave., Ste. 110, Huntington Beach, (714) 897-8781

OPEN MIC, 8pm
Sign-ups at 7:30pm
Gypsy Den located in the Artist’s Village, 125 N. Broadway Ave., Santa Ana, (714) 835-8840

CAVIL AT REST + AIRBORNE TOXIC EVENT, 9pm
Kick your week off with these up-and-coming bands. Even better, no cover.
Detroit Bar, 843 W 19th St., Costa Mesa

• Preparing for deportation: In the past fiscal year, Immigration and Customs Enforcement made almost twice as many arrests (30,396) in its fugitive operations program as it did the previous year, reports the Register. ICE also picked up more than 4,000 illegals in workplace raids - up 11 percent from 2006. The increase in raids have immigration rights advocates urging families to plan for a deportation. On the to-do list: "taking care of property records and finances and making clear plans for who will care for children if U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement arrests caretakers."
• Wanna be on the OC Grand Jury? Is reviewing the work of local government agencies for $50/day your idea of a good time? Then sign up for the 2008-2009 Orange County Grand Jury. The Superior Court of Orange County is accepting applications now. Details here.
• Shaky ground for the mayor-who-would-be-governor: Last year, many Cal Dems saw Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villaraigosa as the likely heir to Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's throne. But the mayor's botched attempts to take over the school district and his hand-in-the-cookie jar affair with former Telemundo reporter Mirthala Salinas have pushed him down the list of gov. would-bes, reports Duke Helfand at the Times. Others on that list: Atty. Gen. Jerry Brown, Lt. Gov. John Garamendi, state Treasurer Bill Lockyer, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom (who has his own brand of extramarital dirt), former Controller Steve Westly and Supt. of Public Instruction Jack O'Connell.
• From Black Friday to Cyber Monday: Not sick of shopping yet? The Register's retail blog has a list of sites listing today-only web deals.
• Food for thought: "Why do people — gay or straight — need the state’s permission to marry?" history professor Stephanie Coontz wonders aloud in today's NYT Op-Ed section. For most of Western history, that wasn't necessary, writes Coontz.

BODY BLAST WORKOUT, 8am
Workout and burn those calories before the big feast.
The Brea Community Center, 695 E. Madison Way., Brea, (714) 990-7100

TURKEY TROT, 8am
More than 3,500 runners and walkers expected in the 5th annual Thanksgiving Day Turkey Trot 5K/10K. Funds will benefit local charities.
The Belmont Olympic Pool, on the beach at 1 Bennett Ave., Belmont Shores

THANKSGIVING DAY ELEGANT BUFFET, 11am, 1:30pm & 4pm
Celebrate with a feast.
Knott’s Berry Farm, RSVP @ (714) 243-2020

WE GIVE THANKS, INC. 21ST ANNUAL THANKSGIVING DINNER, 11am-4pm
The event is put on in hopes of serving those in need in our community.
Honda Center parking lot, 2695 E. Katella Ave., Anaheim

THANKSGIVING BOUNTIFUL BUFFET, 12pm
Entrees include carved roasted turkey with giblet Port gravy, spiral cut glazed ham with Bourbon pineapple sauce, and seared Northern Salmon. Highlights for dessert include pecan, cherry, apple and pumpkin pie.
The Ritz Carlton, 1 Ritz-Carlton Dr., Dana Point, (949) 240-2000

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here, what with all the DVDs I get in the mail every day for awards voting. But this isn't a post about them. It's about another very big box that arrived without warning, bearing a large "World of Warcraft" logo.

Now, I am the imagined target audience for this stuff, being into toys and comics and all that, but I've never gotten into online role-playing or collectible card games. Nonetheless, if I were, I'd be so psyched. And I'm kinda psyched anyway. Seems that the San Diego convention center is hosting a big Warcraft card-game tournament next week, and they really, REALLY want me to know about it. Bribery usually works.

After the cut, check out all the free junk that was inside the box...

Since the weekend is coming a little early, it's time for some early picks. But one doesn't come easily -- I went by The Block last night with the full intention of seeing a midnight movie, then came home when I decided none of them seemed as interesting as the Academy screeners I had at home.

However, none of those midnight showings was of THE MIST, which I do want to see, based on a Stephen King novella that scared the hell out of me in my teens. I still don't understand the appeal of Tom Jane as an actor -- if you want a Christopher Lambert lookalike, the real deal comes cheap and has a funky gravelly French accent to boot -- but Andre Braugher's always fun, and doesn't work as much as he should. Word is the creatures are suitably ugly too.

ENCHANTED is supposed to be surprisingly good, with some honest-to-goodness Oscar talk aimed in the direction of Amy Adams as a cartoon princess brought into the real world. I figured that Princess Clara on TV's "Drawn Together" already milked that cliche for all its worth in the R-rated realm, but Susan Sarandon as the wicked witch seems promising.

HITMAN looks like a misfire, which is unfortunate -- the director got sacked during post-production, and Timothy Olyphant just doesn't seem like a badass. If Vin Diesel and Jason Statham turned this down, something rotten is afoot.

Meanwhile, if you haven't yet, go see Sidney Lumet's BEFORE THE DEVIL KNOWS YOU'RE DEAD. It makes a semi-decent actor out of Ethan Hawke, has Philip Seymour Hoffman being a jerk, Michael Shannon doing his crazy-eyes thing, and Albert Finney as a mean ol' dad, plus Marisa Tomei gets naked a lot. Can't miss with all that.

One of the most-asked questions in ¡Ask a Mexican! history is why Mexican men love to sexually harass women so much. Folks don't seem to buy my explanation that it's a guy thing, not a Mexican thing.

Well, the recent reports exposing New York Jets fans as the greatest harassers since Bill Clinton should put the Mexican claims to rest--yeah, right...

See also the always-fabulous Smoking Gun for more idiot Jets fans...

Remember Larry Stukenholtz? Probably not. The former Mater Dei choir teacher didn't get as much attention as his fellow molestor, former assistant boys' basketball coach Jeff Andrade. But Stukenholtz was also part of the most recent sex-abuse settlement by the Catholic Diocese of Orange.

Stukenholtz is now a music professor at St. Louis Community College, and sex-abuse victims have long tried to get the man fired.
Last year, when Sarah Gray filed a lawsuit against Stukeholtz claiming he abused her at Mater Dei during the 1990s, Stukeholtz dismissed the claims as "ridiculous." But last week, school officials suspended him with pay as they "reviewed" her story. But Gray's story is pretty damning--try a sworn deposition in which Mater Dei president Patrick Murphy said Mater Dei forced Stukenholtz to resign because of "inappropriate sexual relations with a former student" damning!

That's the opinion of The Wittenburg Door, the online newsletter of the legendary prosperity-preacher exposers the Trinity Foundation.

"Don't let Rick Warren's disheveled Hawaiian shirt and receding hairline fool you," writes one Skippy R. "Although he says his idea of fashion is wearing "clothes that don't itch," Warren is a style-conscious clothes horse in his off hours. He can often be seen dressed to the nines, dazzling the ladies all over Saddleback Valley and on any Thursday night at the Cheesecake Factory in Mission Viejo."

Read here for more breathless details!

Photo via The Wittenburg Door

THANKSGIVING COMMUNITY DINNER, 6pm
Food donations and volunteers are needed to help out with feeding and serving the less fortunate.
San Clemente Community Center, 100 North Calle Seville, San Clemente

DAN SIEGEL, 7pm
Enjoy jazz and some good eats.
Spaghettini Grill & Jazz Club, 3005 Old Ranch Pkwy., Seal Beach, (562) 596-2199

PFLAG, 7pm
Support Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays
Laguna Country United Methodist Church, 24442 Moulton Pkwy, Laguna Woods

SOCRATES CAFÉ, 7pm
This is an open discussion on philosophy, life and the challenges that follow. With no formal topics, the discussion flows freely into a wide variety of interesting areas.
Bogart’s Coffee House, 905 Ocean Ave., Seal Beach, (562) 431-2226

PUDDLE OF MUDD, 8pm
Doors open at 6pm
Galaxy Concert Theatre, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana

On Oct. 5, Catholic Diocese of Orange Bishop Tod D. Brown announced that the Orange diocese had settled four molestation claims against former lay employees for $6.685 million. Today, the Orange diocese is supposed to pay up--but plaintiff's attorney John Manly says Bishop Brown and his cronies have delayed too long. This morning, Manly sent out a letter to longtime diocesan lawyer (and Orange County's 14th scariest person this year) Peter Callahan expressing outrage over the fact he's not returning Manly's calls regarding the transfer of funds.

"There is no excuse for you or the Bishop to hold the settlement up," Manly writes. "From my past dealings with your firm, I view this as just one more instance of your and your client's desire to further inflict pain on these poor women and further the truth." Manly went on to describe the Church's inaction actions as "toxic vindictiveness that is simply difficult to understand."

Manly and Callahan continue their tango Dec. 3, when Bishop Brown faces contempt-of-court charges.

Check here for updates on whether Brown does indeed pony up the dinero...

In a way. Long Beach State journalism professor Christopher Karadjov also writes a weekly column for a Bulgarian newspaper about life in the States. In October, he wrote about my ¡Ask a Mexican! column to good feedback from his Bulgarian readership (whom, no doubt, are predisposed to like Mexicans since they upset Mexico in the 1994 FIFA World Cup). He shared this information with me yesterday, when I spoke to his senior seminar on opinion-writing at Long Beach State. As to what Karadjov actually wrote, the good professor writes he'll share with us non-Buggers soon!

UPDATE: Croatia also loves ¡Ask a Mexican!

• New! Improved! And sort of the same! "New Web strategy" reads one of the Register's headlines in that little rotating box on the paper's website (yes, next to the turkey and pumpkin pie photos). But click it and you get this, which doesn't sound like it veers away from the current setup much:

  Local: We will be the essential source of news and information about Orange County. This is the core of what we stand for at the Register.

  Digital: We will provide you with relevant local news in a real-time way throughout the day. We will use every venue at our disposal to get you the news when you need it.

  Video/Photo: We will bring you the sights and sounds of Orange County as the go-to source for photos and videos that capture our shared experiences.

  
  That's all great, guys, but where's the "new" bit?



• GOP to ask Carona to step down? Well, not really. No, the county republicans aren't jumping on that bandwagon just yet. The Reg reports that they've "launched a process" to determine whether or not to consider asking the sheriff to resign. Hurrah for men of action!


• Blandest headline of the day goes to the Press-Telegram for this unoriginal news peg: "L.B. homeowners to be warned."


• Return of the devil winds: The Santa Anas are expected to whip through the county later in the week. The Times notes that it may be to windy for that California-style outdoor Thanksgiving meal.


• Stealing Irvine's spotlight: In June, Irvine was deemed America's safest city. But now another OC city has snatched the title: Mission Viejo.

FARMER’S MARKET, 4-8pm
Find fresh and local produce every Tuesday.
Birch Street, Downtown Brea

JERSEY BOYS, 7:30pm
This one’s for the musical fans.
OC Performing Artscenter

HELLOGOODBYE & SAY ANYTHING, 7:30pm
These bands co-headline the first ever Myspace (and we know you have one) Music Tour. Doors open at 6:30pm.
The Grove of Anaheim, 2200 E Katella Ave., Anaheim, (714) 712-2700

NATIONAL LAMPOON PRESENTS THE LEMMINGS, 8pm
Tonight’s show features up-and-coming comedians.
Irvine Improv at the Irvine Spectrum, 71 Fortune Dr., Irvine

SOCIAL DISTORTION, 8:30pm
Doors open at 7:30pm
House of Blues Anaheim in Downtown Disney, Anaheim

So I got back from a brief vacation last week with two episodes of "The Real Housewives of Orange County" saved on my DVR.

I knew I had to sit through the darned things to review the show, but I also knew I didn't really have to watch them to understand