Gordon Dillow Betrays Our Precious Bodily Fluids

Gordon Dillow is best known as the barely readable OC Register columnist and professional boot-licker who's never seen an officer-involved shooting or excessive use of taser on an unarmed suspect he didn't like. But did you know Dillow isn't just a tool of law enforcement--he's also a stooge of the international commie conspiracy to pollute our precious bodily fluids with fluoridation?

That's right, America: Gordon Dillow may seem like a patriotic citizen but when it comes to oral hygiene he's a pinko pure and simple. On Sept. 23, Dillow opined that the Metropolitan Water District's plan to increase the level of fluoride to the county's water supply is a "safe" plan "especially now that 'commies' are out of the picture." Dillow dismissed decades of well-researched reporting that proves that adding fluoride to the water doesn't prevent tooth decay but instead turns innocent civilians into mindless robots.

One of the most important scholarly exposes about fluoridation and the international communist conspiracy comes from the brilliant 1964 Stanley Kubrick movie Dr. Strangelove, which depicted the heroic U.S. Air Force General Jack D. Ripper's efforts to prevent the Russkies from polluting our water with fluoride by starting a nuclear holocaust. ""You know when fluoridation first began? "Nineteen forty-six! How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy?" Ripper says in the film. "A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard core Commie works."

Dillow evidently finds something funny about Ripper's insights and feels fit in his typically feckless fashion to quote a bunch of so-called "dentists" to argue that fluoridation is a good idea. Dillow quotes a certain Dr. Paul Reggio, an alleged mouth scientist who insists he isn't a "communist or a subversive," as saying that water fluoridation is "extremely beneficial" to oral hygiene.

But isn't that exactly what a communist agent posing as a dentist would say? I'm not a commie, I'm just a dentist. Oh sure! And who better than commie dentists to perpetrate the intellectual and ideological superstructure of the vast pinko plot to pollute our water and betray our precious bodily fluids?

Answer me that, Dillow! Stalinist stool pigeon!

Fortunately for red-blooded Americans, there's a substitute for water-borne fluoride that also happens to be a cure for reading too much Gordon Dillow. It comes from Col. Ripper's own cookbook: grain alcohol and rainwater. Bottoms up!