The Really - Really - Really - Real - This - Time - We - Mean - It OC Recap

Well, the verdict is in. Newport Harbor: The Real OC episode two was almost as stupid as episode one. Almost.

Where we last left off, our friends Clay and Allie were meeting up for what we could only assume was a late night make-out session. This was scandalous behavior because Clay had just come super close to making out with Chrissy but stopped because it would be too much drama, you know, with Chrissy's dad calling her every five minutes and all.

Episode two picks up with Allie meeting up with her friend who doesn't matter to the story line to plan a pretty-in-pink party.

"Like after the movie?" her non-important friend asks.

"There was a movie called that? Oh my God! I didn't know that!" Allie responds.

I hate them.

Anyway, it comes out that Allie didn't make out with Clay because she is super caught up in her last relationship with Chase. Too bad Chase is dating Taylor, who is a year younger and like two times cuter than Allie! Uh-oh.

Now, because Allie knows that she is way out-cuted by this Taylor girl, she decides not to invite her to the pretty-in-pink party. But she does invite Chase. Ohhh, Bitch-slap Taylor. Take that!

So now Chase thinks he is just a big old mack daddy because two ladies want on his jock. So he goes to the pretty-in-pink party and ends up making out with Allie's friend who doesn't matter to the story line right in front of Allie! What a pig.

Meanwhile, Clay and Chrissy are dancing and just having a lovely time at the party when, surprise surprise, Chrissy's phone rings. Guess who it is? You'll never guess. Its her dad! Again! So Clay gets upset that he isn't getting all of the attention and he goes and dances with some other ho bag. Oh no! Chrissy is all upset again! Whatever shall we do?

The show ends with Allie and her friend who doesn't matter to the story line waking up in the morning and talking shit on people's outfits from the party. Like this one: "Shasha has been wearing her sister's dresses? Oh my god." (evil laughter). Fin.

It is a regular work of genius, this show is. I don't really know what else to say except I can sense that it is all going downhill from here. Strap in, y'all, its going to be a smooth ride straight into this hell of our own making. Enjoy.