Wednesday's Headlines & Surprises: Total Idiot

  • Fatal Femmes! In the July 30 issue of Time, Sean Gregory reports on the Fatal Femmes Fighting Championship for all-female mixed-martial arts caged combat. Need I say more? Well, okay. In an enjoyable read based on the event in a Compton casino earlier this month, Gregory describes the brutality and “the raucous Femmes crowd, an eclectic, testosterone-heavy mix of bachelor-party drunks, white-collar MMA fans and even a few young girls, ooohed every choke hold and kick to the face.” These fighters mean business. Gina Carano says, “We're not hitting tennis balls. We're hitting people. Isn't that more exciting?” And then there is Orange County make-up artist Jessica Pene, who won her bout: “To be able to potentially break somebody's arm is pretty cool for me.” Sounds like a certain high-ranking sheriff's official I know.
  • What it takes to clean up your shit: Yesterday the Orange County Board of Supervisors approved a $2.3 million bond project in hopes of reducing the bacteria levels flowing onto San Clemente's notorious Poche Beach. The city will supply $500k. If historical testing is any guide, it's a place where beach goers might wake up one day with an extra toe or a third eye. It's nasty. Anyhow, once the project has been built it's going to cost more than $225,000 annually to shoot feces-killing ultraviolet rays into the water there. Phase Two: prayer.
  • Little Saigon socialism: New Orange County Supervisor Janet Nguyen won a 3-2 vote to create a special county satellite office in Westminster to better serve Vietnamese Americans. The project will cost $128,000 for the first year and didn't win approval from tight-fisted supes John Moorlach and Chris Norby. But--as Christian Berthelsen reports for the Times--Nguyen says the center is “needed to ease residents' access to county healthcare, social services, housing aid and Vietnamese-speaking government employees.” Hey wait a minute. Nguyen is a conservative, anti-government Republican. Shouldn't she advocate that her constituents take care of themselves? Damn socialist.
  • Matt Leinart Watch: Sports Illustrated followed Santa Ana Mater Dei product/NFL quarterback Matt Leinart and found him “a generous, genial star who copes with celebrity by surrounding himself with trusted friends and deftly blurring the line between business and pleasure.” Leinart seems like a “cool California kid,” but reporter Michael Silver tells us that the 24-year-old Arizona Cardinal star grew up with a huge temper. Recalls Leinart's dad: “When Matt was a kid, his mother and grandmother stopped playing board games with him because he was such a bad loser. He'd cheat and whine and throw cards or Monopoly pieces when he'd lose." Though his team has sucked for years, Leinart's playing positive, “Thank God I'm in Arizona.” Hey, did you know he was born cross-eyed? And was called “Four Eyes” and “Shamu” as a youngster? Look at him now.
  • Summer cop plans: The Daily Pilot says that Costa Mesa police will begin a crackdown on speeders and jaywalkers today in the area of Newport Boulevard. The cops say they've heard “a surge of complaints” from residents that drivers are cruising at high speeds through neighborhoods. Traffic Lt. Dave Andersen has a three-prong, summer-long plan to make the streets safer and collect $200 tickets for the city coffers. Don't bitch. It could be worse. In Virginia now, a single speeding ticket can cost $5,000. No joke. Matt Lauer says so.
  • Buck Buck Buck: Thousands of human eggs are missing from a bankrupt California fertility clinic most likely because of “sloppy record-keeping” rather than stolen by greedy doctors, Reg reporter Teri Sforza finds in an audit report. “2,189 eggs and 596 embryos were unaccounted for,” she writes. Shawn, a mother in San Diego, tells Sforza that she donated five eggs five times and now has no idea if she has “children somewhere.” The mess is “flabbergasting.”
  • Total Idiot: The Associated Press reports today that Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has once again made a questionable appointment to the judiciary. Never mind that the state bar found Elia Pirozzi “not qualified” to be a judge, he's a longtime San Bernardino County Republican activist. The Guv's staff defended the appointment, claiming that the 49-year-old Pirozzi has “strong community ties.” Thankfully, he's only hearing traffic matters at the moment. In 2005, Schwarzenegger put Newport Beach Republican activist Steven D. Broomberg on the Orange County bench despite his ties to an illegal fundraising scheme involving Sheriff Michael S. Carona and a convicted murderer/robber who wanted favors for his business. Broomberg advised the felon, Charles Gabbard.
  • Something tonight for the kids: Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus performs tonight at 7:30 at the Honda Center, 2695 East Katella Avenue, Anaheim. Go and make sure they're treating the elephants well, please. For more information, call (714) 704-2400 or visit www.hondacenter.com.
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