One Ring to Fool Them All

On the Orange Punch blog yesterday, Alan Bock wrote a terrifying post under the headline "What if it's true?" It seems he read some blog about a bumper-sticker that read, FRODO HAS FAILED – BUSH HAS THE RING

Some intense research revealed that it is in fact true. There is such a bumper-sticker, and it's available for purchase at Café Press.

As if that wasn't enough, on Tuesday embattled Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum (the guy Dan Savage rightfully demonizes) gave his own take on the Bush administration's "fight them over there" strategy in Iraq:

"As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else.... It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States."

Where to begin. Santorum, take notes:

1. It's the Eye of SAURON, douchebag. Not Mordor
2. The Eye normally watches Mordor. So you're saying the US is Mordor. Where the shadows lie. Jackass.
3. Who are the hobbits? What's Mount Doom? Who taught you how to make analogies?

The worst part is that, according to this highly sensitive photograph from about.com's political humor section, Santorum is wrong and the bumper sticker is right. Frodo has failed and we're all doomed.