An Open (Love) Letter to Nancy Sanchez

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nancysanchez.com
Hi Nancy,

My name is Ryan Ritchie and I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you. Let me explain.

A few days ago, I was browsing this here blog when I came across Gabriel San Roman's post about how you created a Kickstarter page in hopes of coming up with $15,000 for your full-length debut. One thing I am is honest, so I ain't gonna lie: That picture of you atop that blog was enough to get me to keep reading. Seriously, you are one good looking woman, the kind who makes lame dudes such as myself continue to read blogs they might not have otherwise read.
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NBA Lockout is Finally Over: Our Top Five Terrible Songs by Athletes

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LA Lakers Rap All-Stars
I don't believe in God, but if I did, I'd be thanking her right now for salvaging the upcoming NBA season. I mean, I tried to watch hockey, I really did, but I just can't hang with that shit. And my dad was born in Canada, so I should be able to get through more than three minutes without asking, "Where's the puck?" before changing the channel to "1 Girl 5 Gays."

Hockey indifference aside, there's a better reason to be thankful for the recently announced unlocked out NBA season and that's the fact that the more these dudes are balling on the court, the less they're rapping in studios. In case you don't believe me, here are five videos that prove just because these guys can dunk a basketball doesn't mean they have superhuman abilities at everything in life.
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Kim Kardashian's Wedding Playist: 5 Songs To Avoid

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On Saturday, while you're sleeping in or making a run to Trader Joe's for vegan pizza, there'll be more important things going on in the world. Yeah, it's Kim Kardashian's wedding! We know you could probably care less, but these multimillion-dollar Hollywood weddings only happen once every...month?

Since this wedding will be televised in a two-day E! event, we're sure some big musical heavyweights will be performing (or at least some well-known DJ will be mounted on a huge platform) at the $29-million estate in Montecito which is where the wedding is being held. And since we already have some inclination of what the wedding playlist might include, we definitely know what songs will NOT be making the cut:

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Did Ke$ha Rip Off OC Real Housewife Gretchen Rossi?

Categories: wtf
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Gretchen Rossi
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Ke$ha
First of all, yes, there's a Real Housewife of Orange County who sings. In between muzzling her ex-boyfriend and being obsessed with Tamra Barney, Gretchen Rossi has found time to launch a cute little music career. "Revelation" is the sorta-catchy autotuned dance track that she debuted last year at Shark Club in Costa Mesa.  

Apparently, the song is good enough for Ke$ha to possibly rip off. AOL Music points out the striking similarities between "Revelation and the pop star's just-leaked single "Tease Me"--same crunk-synth intro, cadence and chorus. Of course, they also note that it could just be a fluke as "there are only 12 notes anyway."  

Judge for yourself after the jump. 
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Climate Scientists Turn to Making a Rap Video

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On the very serious issue of global warming, people in the United States are straight chillin', more so than in previous years. A Gallup poll last month revealed a 10 percent drop in the number of survey respondents in the U.S. who said that global warming was a "somewhat" or "very" serious threat.

This is no doubt applicable, in part, to the phenomenon books such as Climate Cover-Up by James Hoggan outline in terms of how powerful self-interest groups turn a scientific consensus into a debatable issue in the media. But part of the problem, according to scientist-turned-author Randy Olson, is the way the folks in those white coats communicate their message to the public. More >>

Princess Beatrice's WTF Royal Wedding Hat Up For Auction

Categories: wtf
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Now you can have your very own hat that looks vaguely like a uterus and fallopian tubes. 

People reports that Princess Beatrice is putting up the fascinator she wore to the Royal Wedding on eBay with the proceeds going to UNICEF and Children in Crisis.   
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Six Major Don'ts At Coachella:Your Guide To Appropriate Behavior

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We know what you're experiencing right now. The thrill of getting on the road to Indio is too much to stomach (perhaps its made you barf already). You've strategically panned out your setlist, who to see, and how to get there the fastest. But somewhere through the mountains of people, under the unforgiving sun, or running from Caifanes, at the outdoor stage, to trying to catch a glimpse of Robyn at the Mojave stage, you're going to fuck up. You're going to do be that girl/guy that will be the subject of total ridicule for the reminder of the festival, and probably until someone replaces your dumb antics at the following Coachella. So before you get in the car with your flips flops and sunscreen here's your complete guide that will help you from being a complete asshole. More >>

Kobe Bryant Stars in Chinese Hip-Hop Video

Categories: wtf
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Hey, if that whole basketball thing doesn't work out, Kobe Bryant can always launch a second career making cameos in hip-hop videos overseas. The versatile Laker is featured in "Tian Di Yi Dou" ("World Battle"), a music video starring Taiwanese superstar Jay Chou,
which also seems to be a glorified commercial for Sprite. 

Bryant mostly makes funny faces into the camera and blocks the ball from his much-smaller opponent (sad!), as Chou and his dancers do pops, locks and spins on a shiny black court. The song rivals Rebecca Black's "Friday" in both lyrics (Jay Jay Jay Chou / Chou Chou Chou Jay / Ko Ko Ko Be / Be Be Be Ko) and autotuned awesomeness. It also gets a little funnier every time you watch it.

According to a YouTube commenter, all proceeds of the MV go to building basketball courts for underprivileged children in rural China. Sweet.

See the video after the jump! 
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An 'Ode to Women' From Your Best Friend's Ex--Really?

Categories: wtf
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For Canadian rap-rockers Your Best Friend's Ex, the definition of an ode as a lyrical verse in praise of something inspiring somehow got horribly lost in the mix. Their cheap trick of a first single, "Ode to Women," manages to peddle "I said, bitch, shut your mouth" as a chorus. Feeling poetically serenaded yet, ladies?

The band describe their song as "naggingly catchy" while hilariously trying to tie themselves to a musical lineage including the likes of Run DMC, Jay Z, the Beastie Boys and Gym Class Heroes! As if trying to make a name for themselves with a misogynist anthem wasn't bad enough, the Hootie and the Blowfish rejects filmed a music video in support of the song.

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WTF: Former Iron Maiden Singer Pleads Guilty to Fraud

Categories: wtf
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Aled Thomas

WTF:
Perhaps this week's post is a more pathetic cautionary tale than a bona-fide WTF. In any event, it demonstrates that iconic stars everywhere might benefit from the stern help of M*A*S*H's own Mike Farrell, who once consulted fallen stars on how to manage their fortunes. 

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