Weird Things Rock Stars Have Put Their Penises In

Categories: Ridiculous

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By: Luke Winkie
We've built a culture that breathlessly responds to the reckless id of horny rock stars. It's either another colorful facet of pop culture or the crumbling of our basic human values, depending on how you look at it. What we do know, is that gross white men sticking their penis into esoteric things is a tradition that is not going to change for quite some time. So while we're living in this phallic age, we might as well do our best to evaluate it. Below, you will find a host of weird things rock stars have allegedly put their penis in. We're judging style, hilarity, memorability, improvisation, and of course, immortalization.


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Rihanna Fandom Gone Wrong: The Most Awkward Shirts Ever

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FANdamonium on etsy.

Sometimes fan art hits the mark, and sometimes it should stay hidden in a closet. As a celebrity, it must be a awkward to see people wearing your likeness (or images of your body parts) across their chest. These horrible Etsy finds have proven to be the most awkward instances of Rihanna fandom gone wrong.

Rihanna's grandmother should be the only person ever to wear a this sweatshirt by FANdamonium (above).


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Six Pieces of Dave Grohl Fan Art You Really Must Own

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Dave Grohl Devotional Candle by Danny Gonzalez.
There are two types of people in this world: Those who create bizarre fan art and sell it online, and those who contemplate purchasing it. (We wish we were the former, but we're more of the latter). In case you were curious as to where you could purchase a handmade Dave Grohl finger puppet or hand-painted wine glass--we got you covered. Here are some fun (and somewhat bizarre) items Dave Grohl fans are creating.

It may be blasphemous, but we can justify wanting this Dave Grohl devotional candle by saying he's the 'God of Rock,' right?

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An Open Letter To Michael Lohan

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Dear (and I use that term loosely) Michael Lohan:

I won't apologize for the way I really feel regarding your daughter Lindsay and I don't think I stand alone here when I say that she has no doubt received preferential treatment for being a celebrity. If any one of us "common folk" had pulled half of the shit that she has over the years, we would no doubt have served plenty of time locked up behind bars at this point. DUI, felony drug possession, theft, assault, reckless driving, providing false information to a police officer...yeah...we'd be locked up. But Lindsay? Well, she gets rehab once again. What a lucky daughter you have.

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Five Potential Boyfriends For A Newly-Single Taylor Swift

Categories: LOL, Ridiculous
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Heartbreaker? Who me?

Oh, sweet little "innocent" Taylor Swift. This 23-year-old country darling is known for belting out hit after hit while making teeny bopper girls squeal and making prepubescent boys play games of pocket pool. And even after all of the arenas she has sold out and all of the awards she has collected there is still something she has yet to do. Keep a man. Taylor Swift's most recent break-up was with Harry Styles from the boy band One Direction and since it has been made clear that they are never ever, ever, ever getting back together (Yeah we know, this joke is getting old. Blame Taylor for that too.), we thought we could maybe help the young lass out when she starts out on her next quest to find love. It will no doubt happen at any time because just like that dumb "shocked" look she keeps on her face while accepting ovations, this young heart-breaker keeps on looking for love. And the next hit to write about that "love."

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Five Potential Names For Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's Baby.

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Thank you Aleixis (aka @Thugy_A) for the laugh.

Bringing a baby into this world is a great thing. That being said, anyone can have unprotected sex so it isn't really breaking news. Case in point: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Sadly, this (pretend) unplanned pregnancy will no doubt take over the airwaves, the internet, and we're even betting that it will spawn yet another TV show with the overexposed Kardashian Klan. And we can all talk as much shit on this innocent baby as we want but at the end of the day, it isn't the baby's fault that it will be born to a mother who is famous for fucking and who'll pimp it out as soon as Ryan Seacrest ponies up the cash, and a father who thinks crushing young girl's spirits (Taylor Swift), using a Katrina fundraiser as a personal platform, and wearing leather skirts is a good look.

After a "long" courtship of eight months, Kanye announced the great news every so sexily by saying, "Stop the music real quick. Make noise for my baby mama." on Sunday night at his concert in Atlantic City. It turns out that Kim is twelve weeks along (you do the math) and even though we wish them a happy and healthy baby, we are also sooo not looking forward to "Kim and Kanye Take the Maternity Ward" on the E! Channel.

It's apparent to everyone that this family will do anything for attention and since they love being in the limelight so much, we thought we'd join in on the craze that is already spreading across the internet faster than Kim's...well you know...which is, what will this duo name their baby? As you can imagine, we had a few thoughts.

See Also:

*Kim Kardashian's Wedding Playist: 5 Songs To Avoid
*[UPDATED: Kardashian Is Making a Music Video for "Turn It Up"] Kim Kardashian Makes Pointless "Music"
*Top Five Most Outrageous 2 Chainz Lines

5- K' Donda

Keeping with the "K" theme, Kanye would no doubt like to pay homage to his mother that passed away and what better way than to gift this child with her name in Donda's honor. Of course, they will just havvve to add the "K" because of the obvious but they should be "kareful" because only three K's in one family could lead to trouble if you catch what we're throwing.


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Top Five Classic "South Park" Musical Guests

Categories: Ridiculous

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Sir Elton John goes down to "South Park."

For 16 seasons now, "South Park" has been delighting viewers with its signature brand of absurdity, skewing any and everything in pop culture along the way. There's been quite a few music superstars immortalized on "South Park," some whose appearances were made without them even being consulted. With their quick production turnaround and utter fearlessness, the show's sent up some of the biggest names in business. We at the Weekly felt now would be a good time to be goin' down to "South Park" and revisit five of our favorites.

See Also:

*Top Five Most Outrageous 2 Chainz Lines
*Sean and Marlon Wayans Play a Game of Musical Word Association
*House of Campaign: Five Rap Songs Looking For Your Vote

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Coachella Parties: People Raging Alone?

Categories: Ridiculous
IMG_8377.jpg Matt Oliver
matt Oliver/OC Weekly
"Since no one is here, more cranberry vodkas for us!"

See also:
*Dr Dre, Snoop Dogg and Tupac's Hologram
*Top Ten Awkward Coachella Dance Move GIFs
*Coachella: Five Signs You're An Aging Hipster
*Radiohead at Coachella: No Alarms and No Surprises

You'd think all the free swag at the invite-only Coachella parties would inspire people to rage harder, but no. Even with free booze, free food, handouts of every persuasion (watches, T-shirts, towels, sunglasses, etc) from high-end companies such as Lacoste, Armani Exchange and Adidas, there were still some pretty empty parties. Maybe it was the chillier-than-usual weather, or the fact that people were saving their energy for weekend 2. That said, it did not stop these people from partying hard by themselves. Here is our Coachella edition of people raging alone at parties.

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Fred Durst, Now With Sitcom! (Called Douchebag, Cough Cough)

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According to Rolling Stone, Limp Bizkit singer Fred Durst is developing an autobiographical sitcom called Douchebag, news that prompted dozens of show-biz bloggers to declare it the most accurate sitcom title ever.

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Ten Musician Stamps We'd Like To See

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The US Postal Service, desperate to stop 15 years of bleeding caused by email and private competitors, announced that it will soon feature living people on stamps (the post office has long had a policy of placing only the dead on postage).

Of interest to this column, the USPS will consider featuring musicians on postage and even allow the public to vote on who gets to appear.

We fully expect established acts like Bob Dylan and Stevie Wonder to make the final cut. We think that's a shame. Today we suggest ten performers that are way more fitting to occupy the upper-right corner of all the collection notices and 2-for-1 car wash coupons we get just about every day.

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