The Best Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber Tweets

Categories: LOL, Twitter, comedy

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A suited and booted Justin Bieber literally dropped in and took his seat while Kevin Hart took to the stage as "host master" for the Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber. We for one couldn't wait for that little shit to get pulled apart. (Bieber, not Kevin.) Hart dug in quickly on Justin being a hermaphrodite, failing as a gangster, bringing up his (many) mistakes, and even let JB's manager Scooter Braun have it for being a pedo. Justin took his beating like a champ and the beating didn't end there as Jeff Ross, Ludacris, Hannibal Burress, Natasha Leggero, Pete Davison, Martha Stewart, Chris D'Elia, Snoop Dogg, Shaq, and surprise guest Ron Burgundy all took their turns slamming him with jokes that would make your mama cry. Like, a lot.

See also: Why Isn't Iron Sheik Roasting Justin Bieber's Tiny Balls on Comedy Central?

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The Funniest Grammy Award 2015 Tweets

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ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images
Toro! Toro!
Another year of "questionable" music was met by another year of the Grammy Awards. Hosted once again by LL "lip my lips" Cool J, the 2015 Grammy Awards was riddled with an overflow of performances including Kanye complete with auto-tune, Matador Madonna, Ariana Grande and her faux-ny tail, a PSA (Seriously??) shoved in before a song by Katy Perry, bellhop Pharrell Williams, Adam Levine and Gwen Stefani doing a duet as well as Jesse J and Tom Jones, Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett, Annie Lennox and Hozier, Sam Smith with Mary J Blidge, John Legend and Common--it's like, we got it Grammy's. People can sing together.

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The Funniest Super Bowl XLIX Halftime Tweets

Categories: LOL, Twitter

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David Phillips/AP Photo
One of these things are not like the other.
Brought to you by Pepsi, this year's halftime performance at Super Bowl XLIX with Katy Perry was entertaining but all of the excitement was hardly on a stage in Arizona. A lot of it was on Twitter. Coming out wearing a flame adorned costume and riding on the back of a mechanical lion, Katy sang (and lip synced) some hits to an overly excited crowd. (FYI: Much like sex, we're pretty sure most of those people were faking it or were paid to be there.) She then brought out Lenny Kravitz to duet on "I Kissed a Girl" and as a surprise guest (that we all heard about last week), Missy Elliot graced the stage and pretty much stole the show while Katy played an awkward "hype man." Yuck.

There were also several wardrobe changes (sorry guys, no malfunctions) which lead to tons of pics of Katy side by side with a bag of flaming hot Cheetos, wrestler Bam Bam Bigelow, and Guy Fieri. And to be fair, a lot of people did enjoy the halftime performance (mostly ages 16 and under) but you us by now. And we don't care about highlighting those people. We love a good ol' fashion shit talking session so here are our picks for the best Super Bowl XLIX Halftime Tweets.

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The Best Comedy Shows of 2014

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There was no shortage of great standup in 2014. Whether it was a solo act or a jam packed stage filled with talent, there were indeed some standout shows. We were lucky enough to attend some of these notable demonstrations of pure comedic genius this year and thought we'd do you a solid by highlighting a few so when they come around in 2015, you'll be on your a-game. Here's our list of the "10 Best Comedy Shows of 2014."

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Funniest Tweets From the American Music Awards 2014

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Kevin Winter/Getty Images
Ummm...adult Depends much?
Pitbull took the reins with hosting duties for the 2014 American Music Awards and not to be rude (Haha, J/K), he did a better job with his performance with Ne-Yo. There were however plenty of acts to watch this year thankfully. Well, kinda. There was Iggy Azalea giving possibly one of the worst appearances we've seen her do since she fell off the stage at the VMA's, Lorde's spastic, uhhh, "dancing," a mediocre solo performance from Ariana Grande, Lil Wayne and Christina Milian SUCKING, Taylor Swift attempting to dance on stage (as well as off), Fergie (the fuck?), a performance slated as "a very personal song" by Selena Gomez, and J-Lo (who looked like she was wearing a diaper) trying to stay relevant by performing with Iggy Azalea (Enough of Iggy already. Eminem, you got this?). And just a side note here but, was everyone lip-syncing this year? OK, not you Jessie J but everyone else, WTF?

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Ralphie May Tells Me the Truth About My Love Life. And It's Brutal.

Categories: LOL, Q&As, comedy

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Mike Carano
I'm just trying to help you bitch!
I've gotten pretty close to Ralphie May over the years. I've probably interviewed him half a dozen times for the Weekly alone. I'm also pretty good friends with his wife Lahna Turner at this point (if you remember my last article about finding slobs on Match.com). If you know Ralphie's comedy, then you know he doesn't sugar coat shit. My latest conversation with him started by accident, but once May started dropping bombs on me about my love life, I just knew I had to record it and use it. The convo and the advice.


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Why Ariana Grande is Terrifying

Categories: LOL

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Instagram
By: Ben Tuthill

I feel the same way about pop star Ariana Grande as I do about kittens. Like a kitten, she is small, manic, and often has furry ears. Like a kitten, everyone in the world loves her. And, like a kitten, she fills me with deep, untenable terror.

Halloween's coming up (so is her show at the Hollywood Bowl this Friday) and the ubiquity of Grande-inspired costumes should hit an all-time high this year. This is not a reason to grin. It's a reason to lock your doors.

News reports have done nothing to quiet my petrifying fear of demon-plagued potential serial killer Ariana Grande. If she turns out to be a sociopath who takes over the world and destroys us, don't act like I didn't warn you in a completely reasoned way.

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Comedian Lahna Turner Unlocks Dirty Online Dating Secrets

Categories: LOL, Q&As, comedy

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You don't care what a guy looks like, you just need him to make you laugh.

Having a conversation with a comic can be a dream come true if you happen to be a fan. Or a total fan boy (or girl). When you talk to comedians for a living, well, one could say that is a wet dream come true. Since I happen to be lucky enough to do that for a living, I figured I'd hit a few of them up to give me some advice. Of the dating nature. See, comics are writers so they no doubt understand how it is to have deadlines (well, show dates for them) as well as having the "gift" of being in your own head all of the time. (Which can quite honestly lead to a few negative effects on life's views.) Add those two together and some people (me) could have a hard time juggling a relationship as well. I know it's kind of crazy (and hilariously ironic) to ask comics for love advice but fuck it, I'm going there. And yes, I realize that their guidance might be sick and might not be the best but hey, I know who I'm dealing with. As do they.

Lahna Turner has become one of my closest friends over the years and since we've dished incredible amounts of dirt to each other with zero judgment attached, I knew when it came time to try out online dating and fill in the profile that goes along with it, she'd be perfect to help me convey honesty.

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Six Reasons I Won't Dance At Your Wedding

Categories: LOL

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Dave Watt
If you're anything like me, you've spent the last two months going to a lot of weddings, either alone or with your significant other. And although we typically don't enjoy sitting in a church and staring at comb-overs, there are two things provided at weddings we can all agree on: food and alcohol. I can live like the lord of the event center, alternating between sips of coffee and bites of three or four varieties of cupcakes I have chosen. Things are as perfect as they can be for a greedy sinner like myself, until I am dethroned by one simple request:

I'm asked to get up and dance.
There are a lot of people like me out there -- the joy-killers, the social alienators, the beings that will occupy chairs for eternity. We are those who do not dance. As a favor to all the nervous loners who sit at desolate tables in the corner, I'm going to tell you precisely why you won't find people like me tearing up the dance floor with the "Electric Slide."


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The Funniest Tweets From the ESPY Awards.

Categories: LOL, Twitter

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Double Lance Cam!
God dammit we hate to say this BUT...Drake did a pretty fantastic job of hosting the 2014 ESPY Awards last night. Between spouting off on Blake Griffin, Donald Sterling, LeBron James, and killing it with the "Lance Cam," Drake actually left us in happy tears rather than the way we like to talk about him being in tears. (Because he's soft. Duh.) Not everyone will agree with our assessment of Drake's hosting duties but nonetheless, in our opinion, the award show was pretty stellar.

Highlights included the inspirational speech given by Stuart Scott (that left us in inspired tears), Michael Sam actually being in tears, the "USA" chant when the US soccer team won, and the wardrobe choices that were less than inspiring (Yeah, we're looking at you Westbrook). And while they crowned the best of the best on the ESPY Awards, some peeps on social media sat back in judgment and let the hilarity fly. Oh you missed it? Not to worry because we trolled what was killing our Twitter feed and it kept us sidetracked from the festivities all while keeping us in stitches.

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