Slug...mmm, dreamy!

Sharon Barragan has a soft spot for white rappers--so sue her. While often derided as novelties who rarely last in the hip-hop game, there's something about these artists and their anglo flow that the comedienne can't stay away from. Since the dawn of the 90s, there's been quite a few that have made their impression her. Mostly, they're the ones with wicked rhyme skills that make her say "Damn! I had no idea you looked like that!" With an upcoming gig at the Brea Improv April 26th (with Last Comic Standing winner Iliza Shlesinger, you go girl!), we used it as a sign to pick her hilariously dirty mind and get her, "Five Hottest White Rappers" picks. Hey, black history month is over so it's PC right? OK...don't answer that.

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Dear (and I use that term loosely) Michael Lohan:

I won't apologize for the way I really feel regarding your daughter Lindsay and I don't think I stand alone here when I say that she has no doubt received preferential treatment for being a celebrity. If any one of us "common folk" had pulled half of the shit that she has over the years, we would no doubt have served plenty of time locked up behind bars at this point. DUI, felony drug possession, theft, assault, reckless driving, providing false information to a police officer...yeah...we'd be locked up. But Lindsay? Well, she gets rehab once again. What a lucky daughter you have.

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Oliver Scherillo / OC Weekly

Not everyone was hip enough to make it Coachella this weekend for all of the musical acts, people watching,drugs, and mayhem.

Lucky for us we had a team from the OC and LA Weekly updating us on the latest news. With our air conditioners, clean-smelling bathrooms and plenty of action in the Tweetosphere, we were able to sit at home and be entertained in relaxed comfort while the rest of you sweated it out in the desert. For those of us not taking part in the three day festivities (Hey, there is always next year, right?), here are a few Twitter gems that had us feeling like we made the right choice all while pretending not to be bitter. And for all of you who were at Coachella and who might still be in recovery (good luck making it through the work day on Monday, suckas), here is what you missed out on. Jealous much?
See Also: Brochella: Here Are the Best T-Shirts the Dudes Are Wearing

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Jena Ardell

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Margaret knows what girls like.

Comedian Margaret Cho would like you to know something about the musical taste of the average lesbian. It's not just k.d. lang and Tori Amos shuffling around in their iPods. Their musical tastes can vary as much as anyone's. And sometimes they're looking for tunes with some serious balls. As a celebrity fixture in the LGBT community, Cho is a prime example of a bisexual comic who has enjoyed her share of the fairer sex while also being as vulgar, political, crude and comical as any dude. She has been honored with three Grammy nominations for her work, toured the world, and dazzled America by showcasing some fancy footwork on Dancing With the Stars--and yes, she likes her share of southern rock. Before Margaret dips into OC with her one-night stop at the Brea Improv and her two-night stint at the Irvine Improv, we called her up to tap into her musical (and masculine) side and get her top five picks on macho bands whom lesbians are secretly into.

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Heartbreaker? Who me?

Oh, sweet little "innocent" Taylor Swift. This 23-year-old country darling is known for belting out hit after hit while making teeny bopper girls squeal and making prepubescent boys play games of pocket pool. And even after all of the arenas she has sold out and all of the awards she has collected there is still something she has yet to do. Keep a man. Taylor Swift's most recent break-up was with Harry Styles from the boy band One Direction and since it has been made clear that they are never ever, ever, ever getting back together (Yeah we know, this joke is getting old. Blame Taylor for that too.), we thought we could maybe help the young lass out when she starts out on her next quest to find love. It will no doubt happen at any time because just like that dumb "shocked" look she keeps on her face while accepting ovations, this young heart-breaker keeps on looking for love. And the next hit to write about that "love."

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There's much fun to be had on Jim Norton's Twitter account, just be careful not to catch anything

Whoever said, "It's better to be a leader than a follower" clearly never knew how amazing that Twitter would become. Really people, where else can you get news, jokes, classic one-liners, endless links to OC Weekly articles, fake deaths, and animal GIFs all in one place? And you don't even have to reminisce about high school, pretend to remember people's birthdays, and ohhh and ahhh over baby pics? Yep! Twitter is pretty awesome.

OK, simmer down all you "diehard Facebookers" who lovvve to hate on Twitter. Our guess is that all of the misguided hate comes because you, A) Don't want to take the time to find out what Twitter is about (it takes all of 5 seconds), B) You're just to chatty to keep it to 140 characters, C) You think people are just DYING to see yet another picture of your kid or what you ate today, D) You just can't think of anything witty to say, or E) You take life too serious and when someone makes a joke you take it to heart. If A-E is the case, then yeah, stick to Facebook.

While there are some obvious greats when it comes bringing the comedy in "real life" on the stage, in writing, and on the big screen, some other people happen to be just as funny while partaking in the Twitter. Here are five of the funniest Tweet-o-holics we'd follow to the ends of the Internet.

See Also:

*Five Things We Learned From the Twitter Fuckery of Marquise Fivestar

*Top 5 Comics to Watch Out For in 2013

*Jim Norton Wants to Sleep With You, If You Can Stand His Sleep Apnea

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Terminally Ill

If left in the suburbs to its own devices, hip-hop can really turn into something pretty fucking hilarious. For proof, look no further than one of the punchline verses of headbanging, rhyme-spitting squad Terminally Ill. Trust us when we say the appeal of this band is their ability poke fun at themselves, their white-bred culture and any remotely serious genre with a beat. It's one of those groups that has gotten shit by so many different scenes that they in turn shit on everybody in their lyrics--bros, hardcore rappers, hip indie rockers, etc.

Started in 2010, founding members Ryan Reisetter (aka Dank Nasty), Steffen Burati (aka Chill Nye) met as disgruntled Target employees and eventually got together with a few other friends (the roster is lengthy and interesting--Loren Mesick aka Princess Nasty, Chris Rock aka P-Town Skrillionaire, Anton Bartolic aka Twon Solo, Trent Northern aka Trizzent Reprizzent, John Doherty aka J. Diddy and Ashley Rakes aka Hashley) to form a group that could focus on shining a light on the humor and wackness of their upper crust existence. Add that to a fire-fed compulsion to create mosh pits with punk power chords and you've got a recipe for one of the most energized, uncensored, unaccepted acts we've encountered in a while. They also happen to have some pretty awesome music videos that illustrate what they're about pretty in pretty damn clear fashion. Before they play tonight at Malone's we grabbed three of their music videos along with commentary from the band about their crazy video shoots and about how their readiness to change the wise-cracking suburban rap game.

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Thank you Aleixis (aka @Thugy_A) for the laugh.

Bringing a baby into this world is a great thing. That being said, anyone can have unprotected sex so it isn't really breaking news. Case in point: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Sadly, this (pretend) unplanned pregnancy will no doubt take over the airwaves, the internet, and we're even betting that it will spawn yet another TV show with the overexposed Kardashian Klan. And we can all talk as much shit on this innocent baby as we want but at the end of the day, it isn't the baby's fault that it will be born to a mother who is famous for fucking and who'll pimp it out as soon as Ryan Seacrest ponies up the cash, and a father who thinks crushing young girl's spirits (Taylor Swift), using a Katrina fundraiser as a personal platform, and wearing leather skirts is a good look.

After a "long" courtship of eight months, Kanye announced the great news every so sexily by saying, "Stop the music real quick. Make noise for my baby mama." on Sunday night at his concert in Atlantic City. It turns out that Kim is twelve weeks along (you do the math) and even though we wish them a happy and healthy baby, we are also sooo not looking forward to "Kim and Kanye Take the Maternity Ward" on the E! Channel.

It's apparent to everyone that this family will do anything for attention and since they love being in the limelight so much, we thought we'd join in on the craze that is already spreading across the internet faster than Kim's...well you know...which is, what will this duo name their baby? As you can imagine, we had a few thoughts.

See Also:

*Kim Kardashian's Wedding Playist: 5 Songs To Avoid
*[UPDATED: Kardashian Is Making a Music Video for "Turn It Up"] Kim Kardashian Makes Pointless "Music"
*Top Five Most Outrageous 2 Chainz Lines

5- K' Donda

Keeping with the "K" theme, Kanye would no doubt like to pay homage to his mother that passed away and what better way than to gift this child with her name in Donda's honor. Of course, they will just havvve to add the "K" because of the obvious but they should be "kareful" because only three K's in one family could lead to trouble if you catch what we're throwing.

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Sing jail bird sing!

Ohhhh, Lindsay Lohan. There is so much we can say about this hot mess of a chick but really, is there enough time to express it all? Not in this lifetime. After a slew of bad choices like stealing, lying, horrendous driving, and committing tons of wardrobe felonies, Lindsay's latest debacle includes getting arrested for allegedly punching a gypsy in the face. Oh yeah, we just heard that saying "gypsy" is a new "racist term" so we're soooo sorry for using the "g-word." Anyway, from what TMZ is reporting, Lindsay's acting out this time because she is pounding two bottles of vodka a day and dabbling in coke one again. And then there are also Lindsay's new issues with the IRS being hot on her trail. Damn, girl. Is it true? We wouldn't be surprised because she is a straight up certifiable disaster.

The point is, we all know that being a celebrity gets you preferential treatment from law enforcement (I mean really, us common folk would practically be lifers with her rap sheet)  and with rumors of jail time swirling for Lilo, we thought we'd do her a solid in case she actually does head to the clink. It comes in the form of a list of songs that could help her get though any impending jail time. But not to worry Linds, we'll make the list quick because we are well aware that being a celebrity also gets you out of jail quickly for "overcrowding." At the end of the day we're guessing that she figures (like the rest of us) that she'll get off. Come to think of it, she'd probably get off in jail because, you know...the ladies. But just in case, here's our list of Five Songs To Get Lindsay Lohan Through Jail Time.

See Also:

*Five Recent Basketball Players That Bounced From Balling to Rapping
* Top Five Nostalgic Cartoon Bands
* Top Five Essential Top Dawg Entertainment Tracks

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