You Won't Believe What People Google About Musicians

Categories: Interwebz, LOL

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We've all had humorous encounters with Google Autocomplete, the function that sheds light onto the clueless ponderisms of others. The results are algorithmically determined based on a number of factors, mainly the stupidity of Google users.

When used correctly, Autocomplete becomes the lonely person's version of Mad-Libs. So we thought we'd have a little fun with the feature to see what kinds of questions internet users search about music and musicians. The results were hilarious.


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Six Reasons Why Employers Need to Hire Touring Musicians

Categories: LOL

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Incase/Flickr
In 2014, you should've already figured it out by now: Your dumpy, forgettable band with few fans should be touring. The need to turn your local bar band into a mobile poverty-stricken disaster unit is of utmost importance. It's your chance to see beautiful rolling landscapes, fall in love with people you'll only talk to on the Internet and learn how to comfortably carry yourself onstage. Tour is where baby takes his first steps -- gaining a new, elevated perspective and examining the world with awe while still shitting his pants.

Literally.

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The Funniest Tweets From the Oscars

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@TheEllenShow
Stupid Twitter crashing selfie!!

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Another award show and another chance for us to troll Twitter and find some perfected wit to make us laugh our balls off. This year, the 86th Academy Awards were hosted by Ellen DeGeneres and while we personally think she did a pretty decent job (minus her wardrobe choices, the whole "pizza" timewaster, and breaking Twitter for a lame "selfie" retweet), the fact remains that you can't please everyone. Kind of like when it comes to the lucky winners that got to take home that coveted golden Oscar statue last night. Either you agreed and beamed your pride across social media like you were going to get the award shipped directly to you or your pick for your favorite movie or actor "got robbed" and you pouted. Yeah, we saw some of you and it was utterly shameful. We scoured Twitter to bring you some of the grade-A comments from last night's Academy Awards.

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Five Songs To Get You Over Last Night

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psychalive.org
After a shame shower, you'll be juuuust fine.
Hey, it happens to the best of us. We screw the wrong person and in the morning, the regret is unbearable. And let's be honest, the walk of shame is the least of your worries because once you get home, you become one with your thoughts. All alone. What do you do from there? Do you tell your friends? Do you "sub-tweet" your misery and then troll for "favorites" from people that might be in the same boat as you? Do you Facebook stalk? How about "none of the above" instead!

It's been proven that in the worst and best of times music helps so after you take a shower (seriously, wash that remorse off), try pumping up these jams and you will be back to normal in an instant. Well, you might not be back to "normal" but who the fuck is normal anyway these days? After all, you can't call and cry to your mommy so what else are you going to do? Our suggestion is to crank up this shit, grab a beer, bag of chips, or maybe some Ben and Jerry's and attempt to laugh it off. Listen, you really aren't alone. Okay, all better now?


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Happy (Anti) Valentine's Day From Twitter

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IrenesInternet
Yeah, yeah we know what day it is. But if you read this blog on the reg, you know we're not all in love floating on a cloud with rainbows, cupids, and a fucking harp playing in the background. And no, we're not a bitter party of one because we're "jealous of your relationship" when Valentine's Day rolls around. We're actually not knocking what being in love is or saying we've never been there but when it comes to this made up "Hallmark holiday," some of us have different ideas other than showering people with candies and flowers. Case in point: the delightfully entertaining people of Twitter. These folks always seem to know how to lighten up the mood and "feel your pain" no matter what the occasion is. So whether you are in love and want to laugh at the single and lonely or you are one of those hostile peeps who like to poo-poo all over this day filled with chocolates that will end up giving you cavities in the long run, sit back and enjoy our top 14 magical affection filled tweets that are flying around the Twittersphere to prepare us for this year's love fest labeled, "Valentine's Day."


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Top Five "Wrecking Ball" Parodies

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Wreck-It Ron
If imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, than Miley Cyrus's shaved head must be on the verge of explosion. OK, that might be a bit of little wishful thinking on our part. Miley's song "Wrecking Ball" took over the charts and got the ball rolling for people all over the world to immediately grab their tighty whiteys and sledge hammers. From covers to parodies, here are our picks for the Top Five Wrecking Ball Videos from the folks that had the cojones to humiliate themselves for our viewing pleasure. Oh, and after you check out this list, can we all pretty please agree that we don't want to ever hear the song "Wrecking Ball" song again? Super.


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Top Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Tweets

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@SavionJWright
While the beginning of Super Bowl 48 was abuzz with comments about Joe Namath's jacket and safeties, the rest of the game was a shit storm of comments about how the Seattle Seahawks were bending over the Denver Broncos and beating them down. And of course the promise of Bruno Mars and Red Hot Chili Peppers performing on this year's "Super Bowl Halftime Show," drew plenty of shit talking from the Twittersphere. In honor of all the online commentary that made us was LOL, HAHA, ROFL, LMFAO, etc., here are our picks for the Top Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Tweets.

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Funniest Tweets From The 2014 Grammy Awards

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Even Arby's had jokes....
The 56th annual Grammy Awards took over our TV's last night and as usual, the world was observing. Whether people were watching because they wanted to see their favorite musical acts like Metallica, Lorde, Kendrick Lamar, and Imagine Dragons hit the stage, or whether they watched simply to trash talk, it seemed like everyone tuned in for the festivities. Once again, the Grammys were hosted by LL Cool J and filmed in Los Angeles yet somehow, the east coast got to watch it first. (Seriously, that bullshit needs to be fixed.) Thanks to our fascination with social media, all of the winners, their outfit successes and fails (Pharrell, we're talking to you), and the standout performances were shouted out before we even got a chance to watch it ourselves but honestly, we weren't too bummed out about it. After all, it just gave us more time to troll Twitter for the stand-out opinions from our pals rocking their skillfully crafted tweets in 140 characters or less. We have to once again give it up to you guys and gals for all of the on-line entertainment because this year during the Grammys, well, you certainly didn't disappoint at all.


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The Iron Sheik Demands Respect, You Jabroni!

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If you don't like me I don't give a fuck.
Over here at OC Weekly, we don't mind being labeled "super fans" when it comes to Pro Wrestling Hall of Famer, former bodyguard to the Shah of Iran, and the ruler of Twitter, the one and only Iron Sheik. Over the past year, he has become one of Twitter's most cultish figures, opining on everything from Nelson Mandela to Chris Brown to sporting events, all in a looping, hilarious narrative that fans of Howard Stern have long loved. Matter of fact (and to take a page out of the book of the man himself), if you don't respect the legend, then you can go fuck yourself. The Iron Sheik keeps it real, whether he is online or in person by letting his emotions fly verbally in the sweetest and/or the most cutting way. It's actually overly apparent (and hysterical) if he doesn't respect someone or something by watching him voice his opinion's on-line and letting those "all caps" fly. And for the record, that's just one of the reasons that we are #TeamSheikieForLife.

Another reason is because when he loves and respects someone, it's overly obvious as well. This is no doubt why he launched the new "Iron Sheik Alarm Clock" app that just hit iTunes yesterday. See, The Iron Sheik is a tough guy but, he also cares about some of your no good asses as well. Before you download his new app and let him wake you lazy mother fuckers up, we had a chance to talk to the legend himself and...Oh. My. God. After how "real" he kept it with us, well, we didn't think it was possible but we love him even more now--he is no Rice Krispies dick. Respect.

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36 New Year's Resolutions For the Awful Music Journalist

Categories: LOL

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Lori Ann / Flickr
Will music journalism always suck? Probably. MTV will always feature at least three Justin Bieber articles on its news page, and NME will continue its 1:4 ratio of articles about members of Oasis. And of course, people like me will still write articles about botching interviews and how cool nĂ¼-metal is.

But with a new year brings new hope. As part of the constant effort to create a better site and become a better music journalist, I multiplied six by six to give you the ultimate sixlist: 36 New Year's resolutions for an awful music journalist.


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