The 10 Best Songs by Bad Musicians

Categories: Lists

Via Wiki Commons
By: Mike Seely
Stopped clocks are right twice a day. Geoffrey Arend is married to Christina Hendricks. Performance artists get federal funding. Canada is south of Detroit. People wear Google Glass and think they look awesome. Some things you just can't explain, like how really shitty bands occasionally luck into recording splendid songs. To wit, here are the 10 greatest songs ever recorded by not-so-great musicians:

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Six Awful Songs With Incredible Intros

Categories: Lists

Press Photo
Red Hot Chili Peppers, definitely appearing on this list.
Some people just know how to hook you, right? Say you're browsing an online dating profile and someone catches your eye. Witty one-liners, cute smirks, maybe something cryptic like a tattoo of Josef Stalin eating a hot dog. Their linked Tumblr page shows they have an active interest in occult medicine and deep-sea creatures. Whatever weird, dumb thing you're into on the internet, they've got it. They've seemingly got the total package.

So you go and meet them at your favorite gastropub, and as you're sipping a glass of some crap with fernet in it, it dawns on you: This person doesn't seem that cool. How can this be? How could you have been snowed so easily based on a first impression?

It's the same, sometimes, with music. The following songs all have brilliant introductions but quickly go on to suck out loud. Listen and wince as the pangs of regret throb in your ears.

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Five Songs To Celebrate the Fourth of July

Categories: Lists , lists

America is the greatest country in the world. Don't believe me? Then answer this: Where else can a person enjoy the sorts of freedoms we have here? You know what I'm talking about. Stuff like the ability to marry whomever you want, to ensure your tax dollars go where you want them to go, to have brown skin and visit Arizona without fear of being deported, to know your country wasn't founded by assholish white men who lied to and killed the natives AND also enslaved an immeasurable amount of Africans, to select a president knowing nothing as crazy as something like an electoral college will cancel your vote, to be able to walk down the street smoking a plant without being harassed by police officers, to go to the beach and see topless women because making women cover their chests while men don't have to is totally insane and to know you can go to graduate school and not be in debt for the rest of your life.

Answer: Nowhere else. That's where. And you know why? Because USA!!!!

With that in mind, here are five songs to help you celebrate a day when America is even more America than those other days when America is America. (And if that doesn't make sense to you, get the fuck out of my country, you commie bastard.)

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The 10 Best Post-Rock Songs

Categories: Lists

Post-rock at its best is an ideal soundtrack for car chases, interstellar combat and nighttime prowls on the Serengeti. The music is composed with rock instruments--guitar, drums, swagger, etc.--but isn't chained to standard verse-chorus-verse structures. Instead, these songs rise and fall with dynamic changes in volume, tone and delay-soaked time signature shifts. Vocals are usually absent, since these artists aren't trying to bludgeon that catchy hook into your skull 346 times in four minutes or less. Here is our list of the 10 Best Post Rock Bands.

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Six Reasons Your Band Needs to Tour

Categories: Lists

Daigo Oliva/Flickr

There are a lot of ways to travel the world. Most of them involve being extremely wealthy. However, if you weren't born with the gift of mommy and daddy's golden checkbook, you can still find a fairly respectable way to see the world, provided you're OK with sleeping on a pool table and using a blood-stained pillow once and a while.

Just start a band, play some shows in your hometown, then tell everyone you're too cool to hang around and go book a tour. When you're not fighting off hordes of attractive groupies as they paw at your clothes and try to hand you money, you can experience the joys of beautiful national treasures/glorified gas stations like Wall Drug and South of the Border. Tour is also your chance to justify eating seventeen gas station burritos over the course of a few weeks.

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Categories: LOL, Lists

Social media has in fact taken not just over our lives, but the lives of almost everyone in the world that has the ability to use a computer or smart phone. And when it comes to Twitter and the use of hashtags, trust us, we get the need to keep it short and simple. But when it comes to Instagram all we can say is some of you really know how to overdo it with the excessive use of the "pound sign plus word." We've noticed a lot of creativity when it comes to hashtags and for that, we applaud you. But for the rest of you repeating the same shit over and over (and over and over), we've decided that it's time to call you out so maybe you can muster up some originality and retire some of these oldies.

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Top Five Left-Wing Love Jams

Categories: Lists , politics

John and Yoko
Does that rabble-rousing agitator arouse flutters of the heart? Don't have the words to express that special kind of activist amor? Troubadours of discontent sound off on injustice but sometimes troublemakers need a little more. Sure, soul rebels like Bob Marley sang about plain ol' love with the best of balladeers. What of the bond between political partners though? Left-wing love jams are a rarity but the Weekly assembled the best in baby-making music for militants.

Hopefully the songs aren't too "problematic" or taken as a mixtape for macktivists!

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Six Rules For Sharing a Practice Space

Categories: Lists

Mixing business with pleasure is a dirty game, isn't it? While necessary, practice spaces exemplify the tension that comes with sharing a small area with a number of personal friends and acquaintances. It's like living in a tiny house with eight other unbalanced roommates. Between paying rent, keeping the space clean and organized, and having to occasionally text a friend and ask them if you can use a guitar strap, there are a multitude of dicey situations you can find yourself in.

To help alleviate some common headaches associated with sharing a space, we've compiled a short guide to help you navigate through some potentially tenuous and troublesome situations with your fellow musicians.

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The Funniest Comics Use The Worst Pick-Up Lines

Categories: LOL, Lists , comedy

Chris Neff: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd stick my dick in your mouth.

Smooth talking the opposite sex is a mysterious art form deserving of a master class. Still, any idiot knows that cheesy pick-up lines are never the way to go. We've all heard them, laughed at them, and if one of them actually worked for you, well...more power to your genitals. The general rule when it comes to the "pick-up line" is to actually treat it as an icebreaker that will make the other person smile which then if you're lucky, will lead to conversation. And if you are really, really lucky, it'll lead to you sealing the deal.

We've heard some pretty cheesetastic pick-up lines ourselves over the years such as, "Girl, I'd eat you like a Denny's Grand Slam. For breakfast, lunch, and dinner." (FYI-it did NOT work) so we decided to compile a list filled with "do not even try" lines just for you. We went straight to the some of the funniest people we know for some of the corniest lines they have ever heard or in some cases, even said themselves.

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Our St. Paddy's Irish Bar Breakdown

Categories: Last Night, Lists

Jackie Connor
The crowd at Silky Sullivan's is spirited in more ways than one
Since Thursday evening, slowly but surely I've been training my body for Tuesday's inevitable hangover with shots of whiskey and Guinness, corned beef and hash and shepherds pie like a good Irish girl, bikini season be damned.

Whether you decided to sacrifice a sick day to the HR gods or at 5 p.m. you're butt will be glued to the bar stool with a guinness in hand, there are plenty of watering holes worth your time this St. Patrick's Day, each with their own drunken charm. Strap on your green beer goggles and lets take a look at a few, shall we?

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