Five Good Reasons to Get Acquainted with Mr. Gnome
Bring the Noise: Five Experimental OC Bands That Will Make Your Skin Crawl
Five Balloon Boy Jams!
In Light of Braff: Five Bizarre Internet Hoaxes
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| Flickr user Thor Arvid |
In an age where someone's Wikipedia page is edited spookily quick to reflect deaths and accidents, thanks to technology, the internet and, yes, Twitter, news--fake or not--travels fast. And outrage and panic travels even faster.
Check out this list we've compiled of the five bizarre internet hoaxes. From cryptozoology scares to this week's latest HIV scare, all this just goes to show that nothing has changed much about the human condition. H.G. Wells would be so proud.
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It's the hoax that just won't die. Some time in 2005, a webpage was put up by a bunch of MIT grads students detailing instructions on how to grow your very own bonsai kitten: Just place a newborn kitten in a glass jar, attach some tubing for food and waste, drill a few holes in the jar, and voila! Cruel cuteness in a neat little jar.
Several investigations, including one by the FBI, later, it was unearthed soon after that it was all just a joke--any equipment that could supposedly be purchased through the site well, couldn't be--but of course, for years to follow, e-mail petitions protesting the e-savagery have been established.
Five Regrettable Music/Video Game Moments
Motörhead are currently on tour (including a stop at the House of Blues in Anaheim), they also play a role in upcoming action/adventure game Brütal Legend, out next week on Playstation 3 and Xbox 360 (we got a chance to play it at Comic-Con this year, it's a fun, straight-forward beat 'em up with some cool visuals).
That game, with Jack Black voicing the main character and additional vocal appearances from Rob Halford, Ozzy Osbourne, Lita Ford and Motörhead singer Lemmy will probably be a hit. These video games, also featuring famous rock stars? Not so lucky. In this age of Guitar Hero and Rock Band--and The Beatles Rock Band establishing itself as the hot item of the holiday 2009 season--it's easy to forget that video games and music have been intersecting for a while now, most of the time with rather questionable (read: shitty) results.
Five Songs About Technology Gone Horribly Awry
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| Flickr user NMFinFan |
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1) Trey Songz - "LOL Smiley Face"
Why It's Bad: Are people really hooking up via TwitPic these days? We hope not. It's hard for us to even believe the popularity of this song. It's on the radio. There are fan-made videos all over YouTube. People actually like this song. To quote a friend, "To be honest with you, I find the song kind of amazing... in like an anthropological kind of way."
Stand-Out Lyrics: "Shorty just text me, says she want to sex me/LOL smiley face, LOL smiley face/Shorty sent a TwitPic, saying come and get this/LOL smiley face, LOL smiley face."
Five Ridiculous Pieces of 'Hannah Montana' Merchandise
Popular kids shows inevitably produce a bucketload of unnecessary licensed junk. What child of the '80s didn't eat grocery store birthday cake off of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles-adorned paper plate at some point in his or her life? But ever since Hannah Montana premiered on the Disney Channel on March 2006, the show's preteen fans have faced an unending onslaught of merchandise that happen to have a slapped-on logo. Some make sense (dolls, t-shirts, DVDs), while others proudly push the limits of absurdity (like this unfortunately shaped candy).
So in honor of tonight's Miley Cyrus concert at the Honda Center in Anaheim, check out these bizarre pieces of loosely affiliated Hannah Montana paraphernalia.
Three Awesome, Wildly Different 'Pretty in Pink' Covers
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The Psychedelic Furs, in concert Saturday at the House of Blues in Anaheim, have been together for more than 30 years (albeit with a nine year hiatus between 1991 and 2000), and produced seven studio albums. But let's face it, what they're still most known for is their 1981 song "Pretty in Pink," which inspired the title of the iconic 1986 John Hughes-penned, Molly Ringwald-starred movie of the same name (and featured a re-recorded version of the song on the soundtrack).
And as it often goes with beloved tunes, "Pretty in Pink" has inspired a variety of cover versions, from some very different acts. Luckily enough, some of the covers are actually even good!
Six Albums That Came Out on 9/11
Bob Dylan, "Love and Theft"
Dylan's 31st studio album, but the second of three late-career masterpieces released in the late '90s and early '00s (sandwiched between 1997's Time Out of Mind and 2006's Modern Times). Featuring "Mississippi," "Summer Days" and other "this guy's how old and he's writing songs this good?" tracks.
Prophetic Lyric: "'I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd; I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered; I'm gonna tame the proud," "Lonesome Day Blues."
Top 5 Most Disturbing Nine Inch Nails Videos! (Totally NSFW!)
Fans from all around the world have flocked to Los Angeles to wave goodbye to Nine Inch Nails, playing (UPDATED with new info) three final shows this coming week: Sunday at the Echoplex, Tuesday at the Fonda and Wednesday at the Wiltern. Other than being bummed I didn't get tickets to these shows (not for lack of trying; the flood of highly organized NIN superfans pretty much caused the entire Internet to shut down once tickets went on sale--still not entirely convinced they weren't somehow behind that Gmail outage the other day), I can't help but think back to my youth circa The Downward Spiral, when Nine Inch Nails were the coolest band around, producing the kind of music that you dearly hoped that your parents would be pissed off about, even if they didn't actually care.
But for as anarchic as Trent Reznor's lyrics may have been ("gotta listen to your big time hard line bad luck fist fuck," "Wish"), their videos were frequently freaky, creepy and otherwise unsettling. (And essentially the perfect verboten entertainment fodder for 12-year-old boys, even if Reznor assuredly had greater artistic goals in mind.)
So let's head into the void one last time and count down the five most disturbing Nine Inch Nails video of all-time. Mostly (extremely!) NSFW--there's going to be some penises, people.
Top Five Little Known Facts About Soulja Boy
So many shows tonight, what will YOU choose?
Records for Sale
The good news is, my loss is your gain as I am getting rid of some good shit. What good shit, you ask? This good shit.
Way Too Early Coachella Must-Sees
I wanted to be the first person in the blogosphere to comment on what bands you should see at Coachella. So here goes.
The Aggrolites -- LA's best white boy reggae/soul/funk band. They wear cool clothes and know how to throw a dance party.
Thievery Corporation -- Maybe you know them, maybe you don't. The only time I went to Coachella (hello 2003), I saw these guys and they were great. Killer dance/groove stuff. Or maybe that was the weed talking.
Superchunk -- They're still around?
Bob Mould Band -- Worth seeing for the off off off off off chance he plays "Everything Falls Apart," which I'd bet he won't.
The Night Marchers -- John Reis' latest band. Most musicians get shittier as time goes on. For some reason, he gets better.
Paul McCartney -- Duh.
Morrissey -- Hey Morrissey, shit or get off the pot. We want the Smiths.
Leonard Cohen -- My girlfriend would kill me if I didn't mention her favorite Canadian singer/songwriter.
Crystal Method -- Watch out for the brown acid, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnn.
Amy Winehouse -- Insert your own joke here.
The Cure -- If I was ever going to slit my wrists in a bathtub like some romantic noir flick, Disintegration would be playing in the background.
Public Enemy -- I'm fully aware that it's 2009, not 1989, but shouldn't their name be bigger on the flyer?
I reserve the right to add to this list up until the festival closes April 19.
Busted Rhymes: The Top 10 Most Preposterous Rap Songs of 2008
By Ben Westhoff
Hip-hop A-listers including Rick Ross, Akon and Plies were caught grossly exaggerating their gangster credentials this year. (Turns out they were painfully law-abiding. The horror!) But even if your favorite rapper wasn't caught in a lie, you can bet he or she put out a hilariously absurd record or two in 2008. Here are the most preposterous rap songs of 2008.
RICK ROSS, FEATURING T-PAIN
"The Boss"
(Def Jam)
Though Rick Ross claimed on his debut album, Port of Miami, to know Manuel Noriega, The Smoking Gun website found that Ross was a prison guard rather than an international drug kingpin before he was famous. Perhaps they met in the can? In any case, his assertion on "The Boss" that he "made a couple million dollars last year dealing weight" is absurd. Still, we're tempted to give him a pass on his claim that "I don't make love/Baby we make magic," because, well, we wouldn't know.
USHER, FEATURING YOUNG JEEZY
"Love in This Club"
(LaFace)
Sex in a puddle of Patrón, anyone? The story line on Usher's latest album, Here I Stand, is roughly "former playboy takes on fidelity and diapers." But on "Love in This Club," all that goes out the window. Ursh combines hip-hop and R&B's two great passions (discos and humping) without, sadly, elaborating on his exhibitionist fetish. It's clear from Young Jeezy's verse, however -- "It's going down on aisle three/ I'll bag you like some groceries" -- that he prefers to make love in the Piggly Wiggly.
The 50 Gayest Songs of All Time
According to this Australian site—and who knows gay music better than those Down Under dandies? (Well, probably a lot of other folks, but play along for a minute, eh? Although over here, you can find some dissenters, who are adding their own ideas to the list.)
Looking over this list [see below], I find I like five (17, 22, 32, 36, 50) of the 50 tunes. Does that make me 10-percent gay? Or just a guy with discerning taste? One could debate the issue, literally, for minutes.
But seriously, I'm straighter than 6 o'clock (not that there's anything wrong with being gay). And this het mofo is wondering where David Bowie's “John, I'm Only Dancing” is on this list. Where's Lou Reed's “Walk on the Wild Side”? Pete Shelley's “Homosapien” [see vid below]? Soft Cell's “Sex Dwarf”? Something off the Frogs' It's Only Right and Natural? The entire Motörhead canon? (Hehe, just kidding fellas.)
Anyway, which tracks do you think are unjustly missing from this deeply flawed list of gayest songs ever?
50. Elton John and George Michael “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me”
49. Dead or Alive “You Spin Me (Like A Record)”
48. Pet Shop Boys “New York City Boy”
47. Diana Ross “Chain Reaction”
46. Deborah Harry “I Want That Man”
45. Cher “Strong Enough”
44. RuPaul “Supermodel (You Better Work)”
43. KD Lang “Constant Craving”
42. Culture Club “Do You Really Want To Hurt Me”
41. Chaka Kham “I’m Every Woman”
40. Wham “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”
39. Paul Lekakis “Boom Boom (Let’s Go Back To My Room)
38. Kym Mazelle “Young Hearts Run Free”
37. George Michael “Outside”
36. Donna Summer “I Feel Love”
35. Dannii Minogue “This Is It”
34. Belinda Carlisle “Summer Rain”
33. Peter Allen “I Go To Rio”
32. Sylvester “You Make Me Feel Mighty Real”
31. Heather Small “Proud”
30. CeCe Peniston “Finally”
29. Madonna “Express Yourself”
28. Cyndi Lauper “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”
27. Charlene “I’ve Never Been To Me”
26. Tim Curry “Sweet Transvestite”
25. Barry Manilow “Copacabana”
24. Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer “No More Tears”
23. Whitney Houston “I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)”
22. Sister Sledge “We Are Family”
21. Queen “I Want To Break Free”
20. Dolly Parton “9 to 5”
19. Coming Out Crew “Free, Gay and Happy”
18. Village People “In the Navy”
17. Frankie Goes To Hollywood “Relax”
16. Village People “Macho Man”
15. Judy Garland “Over The Rainbow”
14. Bronski Beat “Smalltown Boy”
13. Diana Ross “I’m Coming Out”
12. Cher “Believe”
11. Gloria Gaynor “I Am What I Am”
10. Alicia Bridges “I Love The Nightlife”
9. Madonna “Vogue”
8. Olivia Netwon-John “Xanadu”
7. Kylie Minogue “Better The Devil You Know”
6. Pet Shop Boys “Go West”
5. Kylie Minogue “Your Disco Needs You”
4. The Weathergirls “It’s Raining Men”
3. Gloria Gaynor “I Will Survive”
2. Village People “YMCA”
1. ABBA “Dancing Queen”
Pete Shelley, “Homosapien”
The Top 10 Rap Songs White People Love. Yo.
Brian at catsandbeer.com has bestowed what he thinks is the definitive list of rap tracks that are closest to the hearts of honkies [he posted this in Oct. 2007, but it's just come to my attention through a friend's tip].
Bri's right on right on most of the time, but I have some bones to pick. For example, this statement: "[Vanilla Ice's 'Ice Ice Baby' is] one song on the list that White People pretend to only like ironically. Don't be fooled: deep down White People still think Ice is 110% gangsta." Load of shite, mate. Plenty of Caucasians dismiss this track (ever see the video to 3rd Bass' "Pop Goes the Weasel"?) and even whiteys who like it wouldn't consider Robert Van Winkle 10% "gangsta."
Here's another dubious claim: "If you've ever seen Black People comedy, you'll be familiar with the notion that White People have no rhythm and can't dance. This is true." This is false—unless you never go to clubs (some of the best breakdancers I've seen have lacked melanin and just last night this ofay who looked like a plump plumber bust some incredible double-jointed, funky-robot moves at Avalon Bar's dubstep biweekly)—and if you conveniently forget about the hundreds (thousands?) of history' s great white drummers, many of whom were sampled by black hip-hop artists. Ah, but don't let reality get in the way of cheap racial humor, right?
As for the list, where's the Geto Boys' "Mind Playing Tricks on Me"? Where's Public Enemy's "Bring the Noise"? Where's anything off De La Soul's 3 Feet High and Rising? Something off Definitive Jux, say, El-P or Atmosphere or Aesop Rock, perhaps? Nada. Dude, Brian, your stereotyping skills are tight, but they could be sharper.
De La Soul's "Eye Know" (with that FAT Steely Dan sample)
A Bloggy Valentine: 20 Songs About Love
By Jeff Shaw at our sister paper, Citypages.
Love is a many-splendored thing and all, but it's also dependent upon a relationship's context -- and so is the associated music. You don't want Al Green's "Let's Get Married" to stream through the car speakers during your third date, you don't want your intended to think you stopped listening to new records after "I Love You Just The Way You Are" was released. . .aaaand you don't want "You Oughtta Know" to come on, well, ever.
Swapping out these embarrassing moments takes planning. Have you just hooked up or are you on the cusp of something more? Are you a hip hop head who just hasn't found the right tracks to put on that gift CD? Or are you just looking for some sweet songs to sip hot cocoa by as you stare into each others' eyes?
Whether you're making a mix for that special someone or just looking for a soundtrack for the day, here are 20 timely tunes to consider for your personal "Favorite Love Songs" list.
FIVE SONGS ABOUT VALENTINE'S DAY
Let's start with holiday-appropriate fare. Given that roughly 92.3 percent of all songs written are in some way about love, it should comes as no surprise that songwriters have produced a good deal of material about Feb. 14.
5. Various Artists, "My Funny Valentine"
Classics usually become so for a reason. This sultry standard originally performed in a 1937 musical has been exhorting Valentines to stay for more than 70 years in the voices of various jazz legends (and more modern artists). The video is a version by Chet Baker and Billie Holiday. For an updated take, try the piano-and-voice version by Ohio duo Over The Rhine.
4. The Get Up Kids, "Valentine"
This tune by the now-defunct emo band is as precious and bittersweet as you would expect. The fact that this YouTube video set to the song was evidently made by a sensitive high school student is also unsurprising and appropriate.
The 2007 Idolator Critics Poll
Two irrefutable facts about music critics: they have opinions about the shit they've heard over the course of a year and they're ever so lovable. Okay, maybe one irrefutable fact.
Anyway, music blog Idolator has tabulated the results of nearly 500 music scribes for its second annual critics poll, and the outcome may be of interest to the geekier readers of Heard Mentality. You can find my ballot here. Take notes, whip out your credit card and get purchasing, so as to help the terminally ailing music industry. It's good karma... and stuff.
Five Songs for MLK
From my web ed. brother in Minneapolis, Jeff Shaw:
On the Dreamer's day, we offer up five divergent songs about Martin Luther King and the holiday that bears his name. They are upbeat and somber, they are angry and hopeful, they are old and new.
5. Ray Charles, "Abraham, Martin and John"
First recorded by Dion, the soulful Ray Charles version is my favorite. Penned in response to the assassinations of King and Robert Kennedy, artists from Marvin Gaye to Bob Dylan have lent their voices to the tune.
4. Common, "A Dream"
The most modern and up-beat of these songs is Common's track from the 2007 film Freedom Writers. The track samples King's famous speech, expertly weaving words into an update of the preacher's pro-freedom themes.
Five Songs for the New Year
Here's another roundup from our pal Jeff Shaw:
Ah, the New Year. Time of transformation, time of bubbly-spawned magic, time of awkward passes and resolutions you mean at the time. While you're preparing for the long sled ride down Hangover Hill, here's some topical listening material.
5. Death Cab for Cutie, "The New Year"
"So this is the New Year ... and I don't feel any different." Who among us cannot identify with these sentiments? The ennui associated with arbitrary calendar-flippage? We've all been there at one point, and this captures one aspect of the nouvelle annee experience: sitting around and waiting for life to start. Some years are like this, running in place while holding a drink. Try not to spill.
4. The Zombies, "This Will Be Our Year"
A delicious pop nugget from decades past, this track isn't explicitly about the New Year, but about starting a new romantic relationship with an old friend. The words I'm looking for to describe it are "thoroughly charming." Share it with someone you love -- or ensure that it's playing when a longtime pal you have a crush on walks by. More recently, OK Go covered this song, and that version is also well worth listening to. You can find it here. But I think the video below, with decades-old footage of somebody's parents shot with a Super 8, fits the tune's feel.
3. Asobi Seksu, "New Years"
About a metaphorical rather than literal New Year, this song (which you can hear streaming here) is the finest track from one of 2006's best albums. Yeah, its almost all in Japanese. Yeah, you'll enjoy it anyway, even if you don't speak the language. You can see people wrestling with the tune's English meaning here.





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