is a lame holiday celebrating the fake birthday of some guy who probably never even existed. And that's just one reason why it sucks, which is why January 8
is a way better day to get your party on.
For those who don't know, January 8
is Elvis Presley
's birthday. Depending on which camp you reside in, either Elvis
would have been 77 years young this Sunday or he is turning 77 years young (by that, I mean either you think he died Aug. 16, 1977, or you think he is still alive). Personally, no straight man on this planet loves the King of Rock 'n' Roll
more than I do (although rumor has it Elvis
is even more popular on Uranus
), but even I don't think he's still living. I sure as hell wish he was, but that's another story.
A few years ago, some friends coined a term called "Elvismas
" and instantly I knew they were onto something. As a total atheist-leaning agnostic who hates standing in crowded lines at the mall even more than he hates all the religious aspects of Christmas
, instantly I knew that Elvismas
was something I could get behind.
I understand this holiday is new to you, so to help I'm offering these five tips that will get you in the Elvismas
spirit. And if none of these work, you could always fall back on the unspoken sixth rule, which more or less equates to getting shitty drunk until you pass out. But I guess you don't really need Elvismas
to do that.More »