By: Jessica Hopper
Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist, and is the author of The Girls' Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to help you stop doing it wrong. Send your problems to her -- confidentiality is assured, unless you want to use your drama as a ticket to Internet microfame.

Fan,
I'm in a band of moderate renown. We're a D.I.Y. outfit but the band covers its own operating costs and on tour we can draw a crowd anywhere we play. We're on the cusp of releasing our 2nd album, nailing down dates for a summer tour (including some festival gigs) and shooting a music video for the lead single.

And I am so goddamn bored I want to quit immediately.

It took us a year-and-a-half to finish our sophomore album. During mixing, I suddenly realized that for all my avant-gardiste pretense, we're just a rock band. Just like every other bloody guitar band on the planet. How depressing. I've become disillusioned with the very ontology of being in a band. I look at audiences with contempt and disgust. I watch other bands and feel nothing. The whole endeavor seems a laughable waste of time.

Next year my wife and I are leaving the country for good. Do I grit my teeth and continue til the end, for the sake of my bandmates? Or do I say "fuck this, I'm out," to save what precious little sanity I have left?

Signed,
S

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By: Jessica Hopper
Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist, and is the author of The Girls' Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to help you stop doing it wrong. Send your problems to her -- confidentiality is assured, unless you want to use your drama as a ticket to Internet microfame.

Hello Fan!
We're a Chicago-based indie folk duo called Elk and big fans of your column. We have a question that we feel lucky to be asking. After several years making music together, we decided to get more serious. We just released our debut EP and it's doing well. Family, friends and fans are paying more than we expected for the download, and we've got a little band nest egg on our hands. It isn't a lot of money, a few hundred bucks after our first weekend of sales and we expect it'll keep growing, but it still brings up a strategic question. What's the wisest way for us to invest money that the band earns? We don't need to pay ourselves right now. Should we pay some creative friends to help us make a cool-looking music video, or get some better press photographs? Should we just save it for gas money when we tour? (We haven't toured yet but would like to start.) Should we be saving up for engineer costs of a full-length record? What about investing in merch which could, in turn, help us make more money when touring?
Thanks so much for your advice!
Elk

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By: Jessica Hopper
Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist, and is the author of The Girls' Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to help you stop doing it wrong. Send your problems to her -- confidentiality is assured, unless you want to use your drama as a ticket to Internet microfame.

Dear Fan,
Hey, my name is Adam and I'm in a band called Walter & The Conqueror and I was wondering how can my group can get more shows or could you help my band get more shows, we just released an album and now all we need is some exposure.
-Adam

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By Jessica Hopper
Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist, and is the author of The Girls' Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to help you stop doing it wrong. Send your problems to her -- confidentiality is assured, unless you want to use your drama as a ticket to Internet microfame.
Dear Fan,
I'm booking a mini-tour for a folk-pop acoustic duo this June 4th-26th. We're hoping to head from San Francisco (staying for a week) to Seattle, to British Columbia, Canada. We've been sending out messages to venues, bands, community pages, Craigslist, and so far, people say they'll help or direct us to someone else, but nothing has actually pulled through. Do you have any suggestions about who to message, potentially hitting up different cities along the way, or what we should do in general? Any advice would be extremely appreciated.
Thank you!
Jessica

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By: Jessica Hopper
Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist, and is the author of The Girls' Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to help you stop doing it wrong. Send your problems to her -- confidentiality is assured, unless you want to use your drama as a ticket to Internet microfame.

Dear Fan,
I play guitar for the band, [Redacted]. Our lead singer is a bitch. Honestly, she isn't a bitch at all, she just isn't good a communicating and comes off as a bitch. I finally figured this out and learned to disregard and negative vibes I got from her, but our new drummer and bass player have a hard time doing this. She will comment on the way they played something, the bass player or drummer will get totally offended, retaliate by launching an insult at her, and a battle breaks out which ruins our practice. Half the time someone quits the band, only to show up at the next practice. Our shows are great because there is no negative conversations during the set and everyone plays well because it's fun and happy. But at practice, there is such a crappy vibe that everyone plays poorly, causing others to point out their mistakes, pissing everyone off more, causing them to play even worse until someone threatens to secretly switch our regular coffee with an antifreeze / bleach blend. What do I do?
-Tony

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By: Jessica Hopper
Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist, and is the author of The Girls' Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to help you stop doing it wrong. Send your problems to her -- confidentiality is assured, unless you want to use your drama as a ticket to Internet microfame.

Dear Fan,
Over the past five years, my band has built up a modest fan base that largely includes all the wonderful people we have met in the process, and is bankrolled mostly by our three day jobs.

We just released our second album on vinyl. To pay for the pressing, we started a Kickstarter campaign. With only 73 backers, we were able to raise about $4,000. As I crunched the numbers (I'm a sixth grade math teacher on the side), I realized that a good portion of our fans were willing to pay much larger sums of money, than what their package was actually worth--and it sparked an idea.

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I currently have a steady job, a mortgage and an awesome girlfriend. However I'm wanting to fuck my shit up by making the switch to being a musician full-time again. I'm having a hard time dealing with the transition. All my time is taken up with gigs, practice and recording sessions, meanwhile I'm still have to work full time to pay the bills. How do I find balance in this transition?

Patrick

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By: Jessica Hopper

Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist, and is the author of The Girls' Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to help you stop doing it wrong. Send your problems to her -- confidentiality is assured, unless you want to use your drama as a ticket to Internet microfame.

Dear Fan,
Be completely honest with me... Am I, DJ [NAME REDACTED BUT NO IT'S NOT STEVE AOKI] past the point of making a fresh impression on people? Over the past year, I've been falling out of love with DJing and set the goal of producing way more music, like actual songs as opposed to what I call "DJ music," and setting up a live show for performances. Basically, I want to make the transition from just being known as a "DJ" to an actual artist and producer. I've had this moniker for seven years now and a part of me feels that no matter what I'd do differently, it wouldn't get a new look from people since they might already have an idea of my capabilities.

I've been working on some new music which I'm really excited for since it dives into some territory that my name currently hasn't been in (actual songs/me singing/etc.) and I've been thinking about possibly pursuing this all as a new project with a brand new name. DJ NOT STEVE AOKI will still be there, but I'd like for it to be more on the backburner. Is this a crazy idea?

Keep up the awesome work!
K.

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By: Jessica Hopper
Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist, and is the author of The Girls' Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to help you stop doing it wrong. Send your problems to her -- confidentiality is assured, unless you want to use your drama as a ticket to Internet microfame

Dear Fan,
Our band recently changed our name after many years. We had our old name at the seeming dawn of the internet-band-craze-age where MySpace was king. Back in those days "real" bands didn't have much use for a social media presence. I find it disheartening that bands/ side projects of bands I loved and still love -- whose heydays were long before the internet (Six Finger Satellite, Fugazi solo projects Deathfix and Joe Lally, The Reigning Sound etc.) are on Facebook and such. That they're having to pimp themselves out in this manner like all the other dregs that play the barkeep's cousin's urinal at SXSW. Can a band exist these days -- or more importantly can people hear your songs -- without partaking in social media? Are there examples of new up and comers who keep off the Internet a tad, leaving a bit of mystique out there for you to find on your lonesome? Could there be a new trend on the horizon of anti-Internet? Am I an old person?
P.S. Our web handle sans Zuckerberg: hobbyistband.com
Thanks for your time,
Marc

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By: Jessica Hopper

Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist, and is the author of The Girls' Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to help you stop doing it wrong. Send your problems to her -- confidentiality is assured, unless you want to use your drama as a ticket to Internet microfame.

Fan,
What do the more responsible touring musicians use for medical care? What kind of plan is best for covering illnesses and hospitalizations the road, and at home? In what ways can a musician make informed choices about coverage and cost effectiveness?

Todd

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