10 Songs to Celebrate the Defeat of DOMA

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Courtesy Big Freedia
Big Freedia
According to my Facebook feed, apparently the gays can get married. Or something like that (I didn't read any of those posts). I'm excited not only because legalizing gay marriage is the right thing to do, but because I've learned weddings are the best way to pick up chicks. So, more weddings means more girls, which is totally not gay (not for me, anyway).

Even more importantly, the term "holy matrimony" is single-person code for "massive party" where everyone gets wasted and has a blast. And you know who throws the best parties? The gays, which means gay weddings are going to be fucking awesome.

So hooray to all my homosexual brethren and sistren! You've now earned the right to be as miserable as every one of my married friends. But before you can be miserable, go weeks without sex, get hit with under-the-cover farts, feel the frustration that comes from your husband/wife's lack of dishwashing ability and sit through countless uncomfortable Thanksgiving dinners, you need to get wild.Here, to help you get wild, are 10 gay-friendly songs sure to make any party fabulous.


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Happy Birthday, Howard Stern! Top 4 Gift Ideas for You

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Today is Howard Stern's 58th birthday and that means time for gifts. But what do you get the man who maybe doesn't have everything but most certainly can afford it? I sure as hell don't know, but here are four suggestions for the King of All Media, who in case you didn't know, broadcasts at SiriusXM and will soon become a judge on America's Got Talent.



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Five Ways to Celebrate Elvismas

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Christmas is a lame holiday celebrating the fake birthday of some guy who probably never even existed. And that's just one reason why it sucks, which is why January 8 is a way better day to get your party on.

For those who don't know, January 8 is Elvis Presley's birthday. Depending on which camp you reside in, either Elvis would have been 77 years young this Sunday or he is turning 77 years young (by that, I mean either you think he died Aug. 16, 1977, or you think he is still alive). Personally, no straight man on this planet loves the King of Rock 'n' Roll more than I do (although rumor has it Elvis is even more popular on Uranus), but even I don't think he's still living. I sure as hell wish he was, but that's another story. 

A few years ago, some friends coined a term called "Elvismas" and instantly I knew they were onto something. As a total atheist-leaning agnostic who hates standing in crowded lines at the mall even more than he hates all the religious aspects of Christmas, instantly I knew that Elvismas was something I could get behind.

I understand this holiday is new to you, so to help I'm offering these five tips that will get you in the Elvismas spirit. And if none of these work, you could always fall back on the unspoken sixth rule, which more or less equates to getting shitty drunk until you pass out. But I guess you don't really need Elvismas to do that.

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An Open (Love) Letter to Nancy Sanchez

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nancysanchez.com
Hi Nancy,

My name is Ryan Ritchie and I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you. Let me explain.

A few days ago, I was browsing this here blog when I came across Gabriel San Roman's post about how you created a Kickstarter page in hopes of coming up with $15,000 for your full-length debut. One thing I am is honest, so I ain't gonna lie: That picture of you atop that blog was enough to get me to keep reading. Seriously, you are one good looking woman, the kind who makes lame dudes such as myself continue to read blogs they might not have otherwise read.

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Six Songs to Work Off the Extra Helping of Grandma's Stuffing and Those Seven Beers You Drank Thursday Night

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Jim Carrey works out too!
Look, you ate too damned much during the four-day Thanksgiving break. But it's cool. We've all been there. The good news is there's this little thing called exercise that's going to get you back to who you were last Wednesday.

As an avid gym member (the girl at the front desk knows my name), I know that Mondays there suck because people think they can just take one spinning class and work off all the bad shit they've put into their bodies since Friday. Coming off the Thanksgiving break, I assume today will be incredibly busy with people who want to be able to see their toes again, which only makes working out sound like even less fun than it already is. That's why I'm here to help.

With these six songs on your iPod (or whatever listening device you use), you're guaranteed to lose the extra helping of grandma's stuffing and those seven beers you drank Thursday night after having four glasses of wine at your sister's house.

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NBA Lockout is Finally Over: Our Top Five Terrible Songs by Athletes

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LA Lakers Rap All-Stars
I don't believe in God, but if I did, I'd be thanking her right now for salvaging the upcoming NBA season. I mean, I tried to watch hockey, I really did, but I just can't hang with that shit. And my dad was born in Canada, so I should be able to get through more than three minutes without asking, "Where's the puck?" before changing the channel to "1 Girl 5 Gays."

Hockey indifference aside, there's a better reason to be thankful for the recently announced unlocked out NBA season and that's the fact that the more these dudes are balling on the court, the less they're rapping in studios. In case you don't believe me, here are five videos that prove just because these guys can dunk a basketball doesn't mean they have superhuman abilities at everything in life.

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Ten Vegetarian Musicians with an Open Invite to My House for Thanksgiving Dinner

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I gotta be honest: I have a love/hate relationship with Thanksgiving.

On the one hand, it's my vegetarian anniversary. I gave up meat on Thanksgiving 1997, which, for all you math failures, means this year marks the 14th Thanksgiving in a row since I've eaten meat. For that, I am excited and proud. It was supposed to be nothing but a one-day protest and now here I am, a total hippie food guy who eats a primarily raw diet.

On the other, Thanksgiving generally includes in two of my least favorite things: meat eating and gluttony. I don't like meat and I really don't like the idea of people stuffing their faces just because they can. I was a fat kid, so I know all about this. Thankfully, I have changed my ways as an adult.

Anyway, Thanksgiving is usually a strange day for me. Sure, I want to be around family and friends, but not if I have to watch a dead bird get cooked and then eaten in front of me. So this year, I think I'll stay home, drop some acid (just kidding) and pretend that these 10 vegetarian musicians (in no particular order) are in my dining room eating the raisins, lemon almonds and Asian pears I bought from the farmers market.
 
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Paramore Set Up Exclusive Club to Hear New Singles

Categories: Etc.
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Paramore is ready to release new songs, apparently. They've created the Paramore Singles Club on Paramore.net, which enables members to download one new song every couple of weeks. At year's end, members will receive a limited edition 7" box set (3,500 copies).




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New Odd Future TV Show Coming to Adult Swim

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There's a fine line between overexposure and striking when the iron is hot. Apparently, we are all about to find out where that line is for Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All as the LA rap  collective and television network Adult Swim announced today that a show entitled Loiter Squad is set to begin airing in 2012.

The program is described as a "15 minute live-action show that features sketches, man on the street segments, pranks and music from Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All" and will be produced by Dickhouse Entertainment, the people who brought us Jackass and all those other MTV shows that try really hard to be Jackass but aren't.More »

Musical Makeovers: Why They Suck

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If you haven't seen Lady Gaga's latest video, "You and I", in which she transforms to look like a dude, then you were probably confused by last night's opening of the VMAs. Yes, Lady Gaga can play a convincing roughed-up guy, but her chameleon skills aren't easy to come by. It doesn't matter how many stylists you have, how many producers work for you, or how much dough the record label throws your way, because ultimately if you don't have the chops don't bother changing your look (it won't help). With out a doubt real iconic artists, like Lady Gaga, Madonna, and David Bowie, have the talent to pull off different styles and branch out to different genres. Some pay off and some definitely don't.

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