Few things stab us in the gut like watching a celebrity try to cut up tracks on a laptop or a pair of turntables. Sure, we'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt that their musical aspirations might be met with some actual practice and soul searching vision. And to those celebrities with actual talent, we're sorry that Paris Hilton is ruining it for the rest of you.

On Tuesday, it was confirmed that Hilton will indeed be releasing a house record and will be getting behind the decks to for a one-hour music festival in Sao Paulo, Brazil on June 23 with more bass-thumping gigs to follow. Apparently dating Dutch producer Afrojack has given her the confidence to step into the spotlight. But one doesn't have to go far back in her past (i.e. the bizarre video for her woozy track, "Drunk Text") to see why celebutantes and music careers don't mix.

With that in mind, we tracked down a few other horrible DJ ventures that sound worse than a needle scratching across the record.


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​ I am pretty sure a lesson that was drilled into our heads as kids is that it's bad to steal. Whether you are stealing a car, some money, or heaven forbid someone's school work, it's just wrong. Actually, stealing has been frowned upon since biblical times as it is even listed as one of the Ten Commandments. Someone should have told Troy Holm that.

Who is Troy Holm, you ask? Well over the last 48 hours Troy Holm has become a social spectacle being treated to a well-deserved bashing by the fans of beloved comic Doug Stanhope. You see, Troy has made numerous pages (Twitter, a blog, Tumblr, Facebook, etc.) of his "writing" which is actually brilliant comic Doug Stanhope's material. What kind of a douche would steal the work of a comic that is loved world-wide? A stupid one. A really, really stupid one. Lucky for us, Doug Stanhope put his loyal fans onto the scam that is Troy Holm, which subsequently shut down all of Troy's pages, and now he has some shit to say... More >>

​TMZ reported today that it took a Los Angeles Police Department S.W.A.T. team  to coax former Queens of the Stone Age Bassist, 39-year-old Nick Oliveriout of his Hollywood duplex and into custody yesterday.

According to the tabloid, Oliveri had a fight with his girlfriend two days ago. He allegedly struck her, prompting her to leave. When she returned to retrieve some personal items, the couple got into an argument. The police were reportedly called but Oliveri would not grant them access to the house. That's when TMZ says the SWAT Team was called in. After a  two hour standoff, Oliveri let his girlfriend leave, then gave himself up. When police entered his residence, they reportedly found a loaded rifle. 


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​Sure planking (especially by celebrities) is a really stupid craze, but racist? That's what rapper/actor Xzibit says.

Yesterday, after he said, "Planking is the dumbest shit ever," he tweeted, "Planking was a way to transport slaves on ships during the slave trade, it's not funny. Educate yourselves."

He also added, "Don't get it twisted. I care less where your dumb asses lay face down and take pictures of the shit, I'm just telling you where it came from."

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​Hey, neat, I was waiting for it and here it is: Officially tired of Tyler, the Creator.

Tonight, Tyler, the Creator tweeted the above--a response to Tegan and Sara's own blog post on "misogynistic and homophobic ranting and raving" in the entertainment industry.  

Kid, I know you've got a new album to plug but using homophobic slurs doesn't make you edgy, hip or really all that shocking. Give it up and just go with that whole talent thing you've got, k?

@FuckTyler indeed.

Kristan Lieb/Riverfront Times

​Brendan Canning, founding member of Broken Social Scene, gave the Weekly a cryptic interview a few weeks ago to preview their show tonight at the Glass House. He's not a man of many words; if you want to learn more about their latest set or just want to see what Canning's day-to-day life is like, you're better off reading this. (Maybe I should've given him a popsicle or something, but I never did get past my warm up questions.) Read for yourself after the jump.

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We know what you're experiencing right now. The thrill of getting on the road to Indio is too much to stomach (perhaps its made you barf already). You've strategically panned out your setlist, who to see, and how to get there the fastest. But somewhere through the mountains of people, under the unforgiving sun, or running from Caifanes, at the outdoor stage, to trying to catch a glimpse of Robyn at the Mojave stage, you're going to fuck up. You're going to do be that girl/guy that will be the subject of total ridicule for the reminder of the festival, and probably until someone replaces your dumb antics at the following Coachella. So before you get in the car with your flips flops and sunscreen here's your complete guide that will help you from being a complete asshole. More >>

​ Golden-haired skate legend, video-game huckster and film producer Tony Hawk added the role of wife swapper to his list of accomplishments this week, reportedly shacking up with the wife of his best friend a scant seven months after his third divorce.

As much as we love to gossip, the grody personal life of our childhood hero seems a little taboo--but also, when compared to some of his skateboarding peers, a little vanilla. Tony Hawk may be a weird friend and a dodgy husband, but he is far from the most noxious skater out there. In defense of the guy who inspired so many of us to do unbelievably dangerous shit in empty swimming pools, we present Five Skater Douches Worse Than Tony Hawk.More >>