Why Vinyl Subscription Services Are the Laziest Thing Ever

Categories: douchebaggery

flickr/Alexandre Normand
By: Reed Fischer
Love listening to music, but hate all the time and effort it takes to pick out something you like? Good news! There's a burgeoning industry of vinyl subscription services, what they like to call "Netflix for record lovers," making the rounds.

The formerly arduous process of developing personal music taste -- going to record stores, skimming Pitchfork reviews, consulting with friends, attending shows, etc. -- now has been simplified in a way even Pandora can't compete with. And it's analog, baby.

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Five Signs You Might Be a Shitty Guitarist

Categories: douchebaggery

No one needs a "quad guitar." Not even Michael Angelo Batio.
By: David Von Bader

It would seem that everyone not bent on being a DJ these days is buying a guitar. In recent years, there have been unprecedented national advertisements for large chain music stores like Guitar Center all over radio and television, and the fact that a company like the aforementioned grew so successful that Bain Capital consumed them should say plenty about just how badly everyone wants to be a rock star.

However, most of us are not rock stars. And when it comes to the guitar, the saturation of players and the hero worship have made originality an even harder commodity to come by than ever. But simply playing the guitar should be enough to get you in the club, right? Wrong. Here are five signs that you might be missing the point and are in fact a shitty guitarist.

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An Open Letter to People Too Easily Offended By Words

Don't tell me what to say.
One of the lessons that most of us learned at an early age was, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." Back in my day it wasn't called "bullying," it was called teasing. And we grew thick skin from it. Maybe today's world needs to grow a little thick skin as well. What a concept.

But today it certainly seems like there's always a bullshit story in the media about someone being offended by one word or another. The most recent "scandals" came from jokes (albeit not very fantastic ones) at the Daytime Emmys and from Gary Oldman simply voicing his outlook on several situations. It's all pretty ridiculous. To be clear here, I'm not defending what anyone says or taking a side because I do wholeheartedly think that offended people and groups have a right to their opinion as well. It's just that I also have an opinion and this is mine so buckle up.

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The 10 Biggest Douchebags in Country Music

Categories: douchebaggery

Courtesy of the label
By: Mike Seely
Mainstream country music gets an unfair rap as being universally over-polished and formulaic, a notion that artists like Kacey Musgraves and Eric Church obliterate
every time they strap on their guitars. But there's a granule of truth to the stereotype, and a particularly damaging sub-genre -- known as bro-country" -- is lending it far too much credibility right now.

Booze, chicks, jacked-up pickups, extreme redneck sports, spring break -- artists like Luke Bryan, Florida Georgia Line, and even Blake Shelton are leaning way too heavily on such
in their music these days, and the entire trope can be summed up in one
word: douchey. Yet bro-country isn't the only brand of 'baggery currently afflicting Nashville. No, douchebags are a diverse lot, and here are the 10 biggest 'bags currently cranking out (s)hits in Music City today:

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I Once DJed a Catholic High School Prom. It Was a Living Hell

Categories: douchebaggery

Thumbnail image for promdj.jpg
Fabian Ortiz
Not the actual DJ writing this...
[Editor's Note: Recently, Heard Mentality received an email from local DJ who told us about the worst gig he ever played. It happened to be at J.Serra Catholic High School in San Juan Capistrano. We felt bad for the poor guy because of his shitty experience. We also thought it was funny as hell. And since it's prom season, we figured we'd share it with you.]
By: Drue Mitchell
First off I want to say, that I am going to just tell you guys what happened. By no means is this malicious, or vengeful, and I do not want to offend anyone. There are two reasons I say this. Number 1 is that an extended family member is the one who got me the gig referral, although she doesn't work for JSerra High School anymore (*go figure). Number 2 is that I am the eldest son of a car dealer, and I grew up going to an affluent private school until high school. SO, I know that even though it is a different life and would like to point out, that these kids and children do not choose this life, just like anything else they are born into it. But, having said that, they DO choose how they will act and an unfortunate side effect is entitlement, and that is where the authority issue that seemed to plague my situation stems from. I have been a professional wedding & event DJ for over 10 years and I wish I was joking when I say the gig I did for J. Serra was the worst DJ gig I have ever done.

I was asked by my extended family member (*lets call her Tammi to protect her) who was working in the after-school activities department to DJ the high school's Homecoming a few years ago. She hired me several months before the event and told me there would be some vendor forms, and insurance things we'd need to get done beforehand. I have played fancy hotels and flown to do gigs all over the US so I understand that and have a real booking agent that I am contracted, licensed, insured and bonded through. The first visit to JSerra was not bad, it was around lunchtime for the students, I had a small tour of the place and had to get the schematics of the gym I was playing in. We were going to meet and talk about the gig, what they were expecting, and so forth. The student girls were just as you'd expect, little OC hottie miss know-it-alls, but they were ok.

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10 Sleaziest Rave T-Shirts at Ultra 2014

Categories: douchebaggery

Photo by S. Pajot
[Editor's Note: Over the weekend, our colleagues at Miami New Times' Crossfade music blog covered the depths of bass-dropping depravity at Ultra 2104--Miami's annual juggernaut of an EDM festival. Here's some of the coverage they were good enough to share with us.]

By: S. Pajot

Whoa! Bro! You got boobs!

For the last couple of years at Ultra Music Festival, male ravers have rocked increasingly explicit, sometimes anatomically correct, and often innuendo-emblazoned tees, resulting in many LOLs and WTFs.

Some are funny. Others are gross. And others still are straight-up creeeeeepy.

We've carefully tracked the trend. We've snapped some pics. And now we present Ultra 2014's ten sleaziest t-shirts.

See also: 10 Walking Raver Cliches at EDM Festivals

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The 10 Lamest Bands of the '90s

Categories: douchebaggery

Photo by Groovehouse
311 at Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion, July 2012
Talk to some people (we guess), and they'll tell you that '90s nostalgia is the only kind of nostalgia that matters. But let's be honest: Within the '90s-rock spectrum, as far as quality is concerned, there a few groups like Pearl Jam, The Deftones, Live and Sound Garden who (in our opinion) all land in the first couple of tiers. Other acts from that period were a lot, lot worse.

But who, you ask, might those be? Wouldn't you know it, recently we put that very question to a few of our writers.

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Ummm...Kanye and Kim Named Their Baby What?

Hey North. Did you know your mom is famous for spreading it down South?

We know it "isn't nice" to make fun of kids BUT...no one ever said it wasn't nice to make fun of the names that parents give these kids. Ever since Kanye West knocked up Kim Kardashian, social media has been buzzing trying to predict the name that they will choose for their over privileged baby. Hey, we even got into the fun and had a few suggestions of our own. After pushing out their daughter on June 15th, yesterday the speculation was finally put to rest. They settled (and we do mean settled) with North West. North effing West! What? Our suggestions weren't good enough for you? As our OC Weekly music editor Nate Jackson put it, "This will be the name that will keep on giving." And he's right. If the jokes are endless now, they will only get worse once North West (oh my god, we can't even say that name with a straight face) hits the school scene and the daily teasing begins. Some might say with Kanye and Kim as parents she won't get teased but let's be perfectly honest here, she'll get teased even more. Don't fool yourselves.

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An Open Letter To Michael Lohan

michael lohan!!!.jpg

Dear (and I use that term loosely) Michael Lohan:

I won't apologize for the way I really feel regarding your daughter Lindsay and I don't think I stand alone here when I say that she has no doubt received preferential treatment for being a celebrity. If any one of us "common folk" had pulled half of the shit that she has over the years, we would no doubt have served plenty of time locked up behind bars at this point. DUI, felony drug possession, theft, assault, reckless driving, providing false information to a police officer...yeah...we'd be locked up. But Lindsay? Well, she gets rehab once again. What a lucky daughter you have.

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What The Heck Is Up With Hecklers at Comedy Shows?

Statler and Waldorf...the O.G. hecklers.

When it comes to the world of stand-up comics there is something almost all of them have in common. Hecklers. At one point or another, a comedian has shut a heckler down from the stage and now, we are calling them out. Hecklers are completely annoying but not just that, they're disruptive to the comic that's in the zone doing their job and they ruin it for the rest of the crowd that paid to see a show. Not cool. Census says that most heckling happens when someone is drunk but even if you aren't saucy and you are thinking about "getting your heckle on," you should pretty much think about shutting the fuck up. But you don't have to just take our word for it so we asked the pros what they think of hecklers and if they've ever heard of this breed of a-hole "fan boys/gals" that shout out for attention simply so they can brag about it later. Can you imagine? Maybe when you hear their side, you'll think first about adding your "two cents" in the next time you are out at a comedy show.

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