The Hottest Girls of San Diego Comic-Con 2012

Categories: Boob Wars

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Christopher Victorio/OC Weekly

We love hot women. We love cosplay. We love hot women in cosplay. 

Thank God for San Diego's Comic-Con. While you were busy waiting in line for three days to catch a glimpse of Edward Cullen, we were out and about trolling for the hottest chicks of the weekend. Take a look at what we found after the jump.


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Osama Bin Laden Was Just Another Lonely Dude With a Penchant for Porn: 10 (Possible) Titles From His Collection

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​After all these years of searching, a team of U.S. Navy Seals located and eliminated Osama Bin Laden. Finally, numero uno on the FBI's Most Wanted list was given the long-awaited "deceased" credit. We can move on to other threatening targets.

But where was Bin Laden and how did he manage to keep such a low profile for almost 10 full  years? What'd he do to pass the time? We know now. As it turns out, he was afflicted with the same fetish shared by lonely, guarded males throughout the world: He was addicted to porn.


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Boob War 2011: The Oscar Special Edition (Cleavage Pics After the Jump)

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Have you ever wondered why the Academy Awards are held in late February? It stems from an agreement between the Vatican and the motion-picture industry that allows Hollywood, from November through February, to gorge on cleavage like bed bugs on a hemophiliac, so long as the entirety of Tinseltown gives up its boob thirst for Lent. 

True story. Pope Pius XII and Howard Hughes brokered the agreement--the aptly named Jane Russell Accord--in 1946 as a way to bring an end to the feuding between the Mar Vista Sect of the Frozen Sarcophagi and the Clenched Sphincter of the White Flame.

The peace between the factions has held, but each year at this time, a vicious melee in the never-ending Boob War breaks out, Quickening-style. Thankfully, there doesn't have to be only one, and I've chosen the five princesses of the Oscar universe for 2011, as well as five urchins. So check out who made the cut after the jump . . . before I start making any more strained Highlander references.
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Boob Wars: Katy Perry Gets Knocked Down a Cup Size on the Newsstand

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Just when you thought it was safe to assume that Katy Perry was the unquestionable Boob War victor of 2010, two dark horses decided to strut their stuff this month on magazine covers, proving once again that a Boob War never truly ends. The time between cease fires just changes.

Here is Katy's appearance on the cover of December issue of Maxim. It's like she doesn't even care that she's in a fight for breast supremacy. Maybe marriage has made her lose her competitive edge. Maybe all the flack she's been getting from showing off her assets--from complaints by parents of Sesame Street watchers to VH1 reducing them for print ads and posters--has finally gotten to her. Who knows? 

But two actresses took this as a sign of weakness and made their moves. Check out who I'm talking about after the jump.


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[NSFW] Boob Wars on Video: Breast Milk From 30 Women (Ariel Pink) VS. Scary CGI Orgy (Klaxons)

Categories: Boob Wars
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Andrew Youssef/OC Weekly
Ariel Pink at the Detroit Bar in August

Ariel Pink and the Klaxons both play psychedelic art rock music that hipsters love; but today's launch of their respective videos garnered a mish mash of unexpected reactions.

In fairness, the boobage that Ariel Pink is fighting with is more implied than explicit; the video for his latest single, the great "Round and Round" (directed by Flaming Lips frontman Wayne Coyne) was filmed on Coyne's iPhone, and features "the breast milk of 30 women." (You'll see it in the intro of the video, and you can watch it after the jump.)

Visual noise was added to the footage by Flaming Lips visual dude George Salisbury, which makes for a properly psychedelic chill wave experience. 

The Klaxons' video for "Twin Flames" on the other hand, is a scary nightmare of an orgy, where body parts are CGI'ed together and people are exchanging bodily fluids in an alien, worse than Human Centipede way.

Most definitely NSFW, we think the Klaxons win this one not just because it will scar our brains for life, but also because it shows that the band has guts (hey--even they get naked), and "Twin Flames" is a pretty great song. And here we thought the Klaxons were just another hipster band!


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Much Ado About Boobs: Parents Complain About Katy Perry Showing Too Much Skin on Sesame Street

Categories: Boob Wars, wtf
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Sesame Street
It had to happen sooner or later: the inevitable Boob Backlash.

After the skirmishes and scuffles of the summer, the innocent bystanders of the Boob Wars have risen up, and they've set their sights on their first targets: Katy Perry on Sesame Street.

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More Than 100 Visible Nipples: 30 Album Covers That Feature Our Favorite Anatomy Part (NSFW)

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Apparently, no one sent Maroon 5 the memo that we're in middle of a Boob War

How do we know? Just look at the cover to the band's newest release. It features a sexy woman erotically caressing her naked body with her two pairs of arms. That's a good start. But why cover up the breasts? Where's the cleavage? Can't you spare a little side boob? Doesn't Maroon 5 know we're at war? 

Clearly, the band needs a lesson or two on what makes a good album cover (they should check to see if they can pick up lessons on what it takes to make a good album, too). That's why, with writer Justin Shady, we've compiled a list of 30 memorable album covers that know how to use boobies to show them how it's done. 

Oh, and in case you couldn't guess, many of the following album covers are NSFW. And in some cases, not safe if you're thinking about eating this week.

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Truce Colors: MTV VMAs Gives the World One Night Without Cleavage Carnage ... Almost

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Where's Lil Kim when you need her?

Historically, the MTV Video Music Awards have been the scene of mammary massacres for Boob Wars since time immemorial (or at least 1984). But this year, it looks like a cease fire was imposed. Just check out how chaste superpowers like Katy Perry and Lady Gaga--cold cut combo attire aside--looked. Hell, even an upstart Boob Nation like Snooki was demure. 

Were there any skirmishes? Sadly, yes. And the results weren't pretty.


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Civilians never win in a Boob War unless they're big-breasted waitresses

Categories: Boob Wars, wtf
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Hooters
All too often, Boob Wars coverage talks too much about the big names and front-line combatants and not enough about the civilians and little people affected by the constant bombardment of cleavage and cup size. 

Thankfully, the national scientific community hasn't forgotten about these people. A recent study, in fact, found out how breast size--along with other factors--affects a waitress's tip. 

Think you can figure out the findings without having to go to the jump?


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Achtung, Baby! Are Katy Perry and Lady Gaga's Dueling Titzkriegs Desperate Cries for Help?

Categories: Boob Wars, wtf
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Rolling Stone/Mark Seliger; Vanity Fair/Nick Knight
At this point, Katy Perry and Lady Gaga need to get their raging narcissistic tendencies a hotel room and let them scissor each other into submission. Neither can go 72 hours without finding an 85-mm lens and a light kit to shove their cans in front of. This time around, the enablers have been Rolling Stone for Katy and Vanity Fair for Lady Gaga.
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