Hi, I'm Bob Saget and I'm a Riffaholic

Christopher Victorio
I mean, I'm not a complete fool.
Anytime Bob Saget performs in OC, it's a party. Songs will be sung, poop stories will be shared, someone in the audience will likely get drunk, pass out and wake up with a dick drawn on their face. Anything can happen. Due to his unpredictable nature, it should be no surprise that the former-TV-star-turned-suck-dick-for-coke-bad-boy is all about riffing on stage and in life just to see where things go. The only thing we know is that he'll usually end up in some place funny (and probably disgusting). We got to talk with Saget recently to catch a little preview of the comedy riffmaster in action before his upcoming stint at the Brea Improv August 22nd through 24th. If you're not sure how random topics like carpool lanes, the physical properties of laughter and the romancing of animals can possibly amount to a funny conversation, we suggest you get curious and check this one out.

See also: Bob Saget's Helpful PSA's: Yogurt Cures Yeast Infections, Politics Are Boring, Don't Fuck Animals

OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): I figured since we've done straight Q&A's before that we'd keep it light this time. You excited to come back out to Brea?

Bob Saget: Yeah coming out to Brea. Who knew? Well, I knew. I love coming to Brea because I can work on stuff. I've been doing kind of a "best of" but now, I know that I have the calling and the need. Thank goodness Brea has the reception. And, you can get there from here which is good. I'm going to get an inflatable dummy so I can sit it next to me and drive in the carpool lane. I would never do that. I would pick up a stranger so I could go in the carpool lane.

Or you could pick up a day worker. OK new job! A day worker willing to sit in a car during traffic. Can we make this happen?

[Laughs.] It's like a friend stand-in. I don't really have friends and I'm not bringing a beginning comedian with me. In the old days I would bring a comedian with me and then I would be like, uhhh...now I have to drive home with them too?

I feel like the only requirement would be that they can't have motion sickness. Well, unless you're twisted and you're into getting yacked on.

[Laughs.] Yes, but no. You don't even need to write anything. We should just riff back and forth. Have you ever done stand-up?

OK, no. I leave that to the pros. Honestly if I got on a stage it would be like that blueberry pie scene in "Stand By Me."

Ahhh you'd have a physical reaction. I've always wanted to see the laughter but if it's all people throwing up, you don't want to see that. There must be some way to see the gas coming out of someone laughing. You know, if you did some weird sort of red light scanning thing. You could see if people are really laughing by the color of the gas that comes out of them. If I could have a superpower, I'd want it to be able to see if the laughs were real or not.

Like with some heat seeking thing those police helicopters have?

Yeah that's what I need. That's like what they use in The Hurt Locker. Wait, not The Hurt Locker. [Laughs.] I mean in the real war. I mean in a movie version of something real. [Laughs.] Like one of those infrared things but I don't think it's infrared. See, this is where I'm going to need help in Brea. I need to have a beginning, middle, and end. I've been schmoozing with a lot of other comedians talking about how you go up on stage and construct new stuff, which is really a fun thing to do. It makes you feel not so roped in. I'm actually flying to Vegas to see Don Rickles because he's my friend and he's put me down so many times and that feels really good.

You want to pick up that huge name you just dropped so no one trips over it?

That's a big name! Only we don't say "dropped" when it comes to Don. He's so hilarious and I think it's more of a brag. He's like a dad to me in a way, only I hope it ends up better for him. Damn he's funny! I'm also doing a few gigs in Vegas this September. I've been going out to do a couple of clubs that I like and Brea is an especially great place to be able to talk to the audience because they're excited that you are there. And you want to deliver because the people are paying money. Even the cheapest comedy club can be expensive when you add drinks. And if you are eating nachos, you'll need to factor in the hospital bill for the stomach pump. I don't even know what they put in that. All of the food is orange so if you wear the infrared gear, then you can see that it is a dark, dark taupe. I think before they add food coloring to the nachos in a comedy club they look like a spleen.

Wow Dr. Science. I'm intrigued, go on...

[Laughs.] I think with most things before you add the dye, they look grey. That's probably the color for most of the things inside of us so it could be perfect. [Laughs.] Oh boy, do I need material for Brea! Holy crap! It's going to be the sound of one man riffing.

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