16 Stupid Hats Musicians Like to Wear

Categories: Lists

Flickr/Joel Dinda
Straw hat left off this list because obviously it sucks. You don't need my help with that.
Recently, my enemies have been accusing me of having a problem with hats. Maybe it's because I am (predictably) a bald, pale music critic, and wearing a hat makes me look like a Nosferatu vampire-creature. But personally, I think someone's choice of headwear can tell a lot about a person -- usually how they suck.

As I am fully aware that most people are not as gifted as I am when it comes to deciphering the inner-character of a human being based solely upon their appearance, I've created an exceptionally important guide. When I die, I will be remembered for my gift to the world: a list of stupid hats musicians wear and what they mean.


16. Trucker Hat
If you are over the age of 40 and wear a trucker hat, you are in a cover band. Or you think you are Johnny Knoxville or some bullshit.


15. Fedora Hat
No one has told you that a hat will not make up for your patchy facial hair. No one has told you that Dave Navarro also has his nipples pierced and should not be relied upon for fashion tips. If you are a girl wearing a fedora, you should know that you do not look like a sexy Indiana Jones.

Flickr/Craig Hatfield

14. Bowler Hat
You look like you're about to eat a bunch of food or design a website for a business that is never going to pay you. Or you're too into A Clockwork Orange, meaning you have the sex appeal of a giant bass guitar covered in penis skin.


13. Cabbie Hat
If you have hair and you wear this hat, everyone will assume you are bald in the exact spot that the hat is covering up. It is also affectionately called a "fat guy hat", because it looks good on fat guys for some reason. This hat is also frequently worn by fans of Celtic punk, which is a genre of music that should have started and ended with the Pogues.

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Felicks Fallen
Felicks Fallen

This was Lame. Tabitha was right you listed every hat.

Scott Waldman
Scott Waldman

No mention of Pharrell's mounty hat? Your entire list becomes irrelevant as that is THE stupid musician hat of 2013/2014.

fishwithoutbicycle topcommenter

"When I die, I will be remembered for my gift to the world: a list of stupid hats musicians wear and what they mean"

Yeah, in the same way a steaming pile of crap is a gift to the world. :-P

These lists are really old hat. They're not clever...just mean.

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