Mark Gonzales Likes Aloe Blacc's "The Man" But Doesn't Like Chicks With Dicks

Categories: LOL, comedy, today

Where's my Beats by Dre commercial?!
[Editor's Note: Quick Questions is our semi-regular feature where we ask comedians a ton of random questions without giving them time to think of anything funny to say. Surprisingly, they still do.]

Phyllis Diller once said, "A smile is a curve that sets everything straight" and with that, we're here to set you straight. Missing Mark Gonzales tonight (May 14th) when he hits up the Brea Improv along with The Smash Brothers would be a big fucking mistake. Why you ask? Allow us to break it down. If you like comedy of the filthy variety you're in for a real treat with Gonzales because is one dirty bird and along with his set, this evening promises to be as naughty as they come. Before the big show kicks off and the shenanigans begin, we got Mark to play "Quick Questions" with us.

Selfies. Annoying or annoying? I assume every uploaded selfie represents a time when their father wasn't there.

How do you like to handle hecklers? Some comics tell them to shut up but I like to embrace it and build my show around them. We're already in the moment, so why not have some fun at their expense. Plus this forces them to buy me a beer because I made them look like a jackass.

What's your guiltiest pleasure? Breakfast burritos for dinner. Especially when I'm by myself in a dark parking lot.

If you could do a "Freaky Friday" with anyone, who would it be? Bruce Willis. Some people drink warm milk to help them sleep, I'm sure he pounds barely legal chicks to get tired eyes.

What's a terrible song that you love so much? Aloe Blacc's "The Man." It plays in my head after I look at the receipt from the bar I blacked out at and shows I only spent $10. Where's my Beats by Dre commercial?!

Tupac or Biggie? Lil B, because that was Tupac's favorite Rapper. THANK YOU BASED GOD!

What is the best advice that you've ever received? "You'll think of something."

Do you prefer a stripper on the pole or on a chair? On a chair so I can stare into her eyes when the disappointment kicks in.

If you could have dinner with anyone (alive) and they'd pay the bill, who'd it be with and where would you go? It would be with Mel Brooks at Canter's. Nothing would be more life changing than to have dinner with one of the greatest comedic minds of all time at a Jewish deli. Especially if I'm not paying.

Is there anything you think is off limits when it comes to jokes? It's only off limits if you can't come up with the joke. If you can't create something funny and original, let someone else do it.

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