Don't Be a Sexist Creeper Around Female Musicians

Categories: incoming

By Robin Edwards
Editor's Note: Robin Edwards is a frequent contributor to the blogs for our Denver sister paper, Westword, and has played in several Denver bands. Her solo project is called Lisa Prank.

Sometimes I wonder what it was like before bands had Internet presences. Did creepy dudes just send vaguely threatening messages to female musicians through the mail with locks of their hair? I've been thinking that might not have been out of the question ever since I received a Facebook message from a guy who went to one of my band's shows. He asked if he could be my stalker and added a goofy emoticon and a few "jk"s. I assume that was a way to hedge so that when I responded, he could pull the old "I was joking! Don't be crazy!" card. Unfortunately, violence against women, which can certainly start with stalking, is a very real concern in our society, so it's not something you should joke about, especially with a complete stranger over the Internet.

I thought threatening someone's personal safety was a common-sense no-no, but apparently that's not the case. So here's a handy guide to ways to not interact with female musicians. This is good advice for dealing with any human being, actually, but it seems these things happen at an alarmingly high rate to those of us who have the audacity to get onstage with instruments but without a penis.

And no, your good intent does not give you a pass. Just because you're a self-proclaimed feminist, you have a Kathleen Hanna tattoo or you were "just joking" does not mean your actions don't have harmful consequences. Prove you are a good guy by accepting criticism, apologizing and stepping back if you've said something offensive or creepy.

Don't assume she's a roadie/girlfriend/groupie.
If a woman is carrying a heavy-ass amp inside a venue, don't immediately assume she's there as support for the band. Use this assumption-less attitude to inform your interaction with her; don't immediately tell her she's not allowed backstage.

Don't offer music lessons.
This has happened to a surprising number of women I know. Here's how it usually goes: A dude comes up after a performance and says, "You know, I could give you [insert instrument here] lessons if you want." In the words of Stephanie Tanner: How rude. Also in this category is giving pointers or advice on how your guitar should sound, as well as offering suggestions for improvement. If you want to help out, buy some merch.

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    You are contributing to the divide, you idiot!

I'll bet your band is real fun, too. (smirk)


    A Female

    p.s.: Can I give you yoga lessons?  Calm down! 


Are we allowed to fucking say hi? Geez! What is this world coming to? Fucking overly sensitive and overly dramatic diva bitches!

sweetliberty17761776 topcommenter

Double standard and inequality being preached by the left???

w t f!

since men and women are the same per Lefty edict, then its no more "creepier" than women who "stalk" men

try again, lefty


guys deal with this sort of behaviour all the time. if you want to be in the music biz, this comes with the territory. and "do you write your own songs" is a common question, because you know, a lot of people dont.


This was a great lesson on how to stalk female musicians. I can't wait to hold seminars!


Thanks Robin, but I think I'll keep doing what I want to...


If wimmin can't take the heat on stage, just stay in the kitch. "oh, oh I feel uncomfortable"  Guess what?  Thats life you little baby.

JGlanton topcommenter

I think what she is writing about is that life for female musicians is no different than for females in any other career. Only she doesn't know it.

BillxT topcommenter

Maybe he was refering to the "... I'm adorable and harmless" when he was indicating "jk".

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