10 Reasons Urban Outfitters is Bad For Music

Categories: epic fails

UO.jpg
Courtesy Flickr user Casey Hugelfink
By: Jonathan Patrick
Urban Outfitters is a creative wasteland, a shortsighted cul-de-sac of trends and trash-culture bent for capital gain -- one large, unthinking slab of cultural masturbation. But, by and large, it's a beast we ourselves feed. Like creepers to a drug deal we lurch in, grab what we want and dart out. (Some of their basic clothing isn't half bad, right?).

Excuses aside, the inventory is laughable, shamelessly anachronistic and inauthentic. Musically speaking, it's the sort of faux-hippie, yuppie detritus that's fueled a million Dark-Side-only Pink Floyd fans. Here are 10 of the worst examples of why UO is a drain on our music-loving souls.

10 Reasons Urban Outfitters Is Bad for Music

UO.jpg
Courtesy Flickr user Casey Hugelfink

We all know it, but it's time to show it. Urban Outfitters is a creative wasteland, a shortsighted cul-de-sac of trends and trash-culture bent for capital gain -- one large, unthinking slab of cultural masturbation. But, by and large, it's a beast we ourselves feed. Like creepers to a drug deal we lurch in, grab what we want and dart out. (Some of their basic clothing isn't half bad, right?).

Excuses aside, the inventory is laughable, shamelessly anachronistic and inauthentic. Musically speaking, it's the sort of faux-hippie, yuppie detritus that's fueled a million Dark-Side-only Pink Floyd fans. Here are 10 of the worst examples of why UO is a drain on our music-loving souls.

1. They sell turntables that will eat your records.

UOCrosley.jpg
Photo courtesy Jonathan Patrick

In fact, they only sell record-destroying players. These Crosley tables -- equipped with uneven speeds and ruinous ceramic cartridges -- aren't really listening tools, they are toys. Cutesy, retro-chic, vinyl-hungry toys. Given that your albums won't last long on that new turntable, it's comforting to know that you can replace your LPs at UO too. It's a good thing that their prices are fair... Oh gad wait.

2. Their record prices are an assault on your financial well-being.

UOmadonna.jpg
Photo courtesy Jonathan Patrick

Even if you ignore for the moment that their records are terribly treated and poorly stored, UO's prices are astronomical. Singles will cost you upwards of $20. And my goodness, double LPs, even shitty ones, can cost you $40. This means if your monthly music budget is $150 (we're allowed to dream), you can still only buy about five albums a month. Those are prison cafeteria-type rates. Yay hip vinyl trend!


3. Now you can coordinate the Unknown Pleasures artwork with the rest of your outfit.

UOJoy.jpg
Photo courtesy Jonathan Patrick

Sweaters and shirts in a dozen colors and styles, all slathered with the iconic Joy Division radio waves, blanket UO's interior. Hell, it's almost their corporate symbol at this point. Ian Curtis would be so very proud.



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1 comments
fishwithoutbicycle
fishwithoutbicycle topcommenter

"Musically speaking, it's the sort of faux-hippie, yuppie detritus that's fueled a million Dark-Side-only Pink Floyd fans." LMFAO!

You read my mind...many people seem to think Pink Floyd made only two albums: "Dark Side of the Moon" and "The Wall". These are great albums...but please branch out, people! My favorite album is a three-way-tie: "Meddle", "Animals" and "Wish You Were Here"...in no particular order. Unfortunately, the only Pink Floyd tee shirt I currently own has Dark Side of the Moon artwork...d'oh! Didn't buy it a UO, though...

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