The Worst of Coachella 2014

Categories: Coachella

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Timothy Norris
Coachella's first weekend was amazing this year! Except when it wasn't. Here are the parts of the festival that rubbed us the wrong way.

Saturday Night dust storm (above)

Conditions may not have been as bad as they were during last year's Red Hot Chili Peppers set, but Saturday night's dusty conditions were still pretty awful. The winds starting picking up when the sun started going down, and by dusk, the sky had turned a coffee-stain brown and festivalgoers were wiping desert residue from their eyeglasses and exposed skin. Dust gets everywhere -- in the cracks of your smartphone, for starters, and then, later, in your scalp, nose and bronchial tubes. It's a disgusting affair and a reminder to bring a handkerchief next time. -Adam Lovinus

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Ben Westhoff
Blow-Up Sex Dolls

The new trend at Coachella this year was blow-up sex dolls. No, seriously, a number of people had them, and were attempting to bat them around the crowd like beach balls, or crowd-surf them. All of the ones we saw were male; some were African-American, and some were Caucasian, like the one above, which got punctured during Neutral Milk Hotel's set before being abandoned. Check out its flaccid sex doll dick. -Ben Westhoff

Meatheads Moshing During the Pixies

We're not against mosh pits by any means. That said, there's a time and place for ramming your sweaty, shirtless beer belly into other people, and during the Pixies set in an overcrowded tent isn't it. But that's what a handful of burly dudes did Saturday night during every single song -- even the acoustic ones. The crowd around them wasn't into their toes being trampled or getting elbows to the face, but the bros didn't let that get in the way of their good time. Save it for Mötorhead, dudes. -Taylor Hamby

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Timothy Norris

Friendly People

Hey person I don't know who's talking to me, a propos of nothing! Super glad that you feel like reaching out to tell me you like my shoes, or my hat, or just my general vibe, but it kinda sorta completely doesn't count if you're only talking to me because you're on molly. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to get to know you and learn what you're all about, but let's do it over an iced coffee sometime after you've had a bunch of 5-HTP. -Ben Westhoff

The Couple Having Shameless, Intense Sex By the Media Tent

Coachella already has plenty of dry-humping, but you don't often witness folks having actual sex right out in the open. But these folks on Saturday night had absolutely no shame, they weren't just grinding -- they were putting on a straight up raunchy sex show for all to see. Since there was a sign for the press tent right beside them, they were clearly hoping to make the news, so we suppose they win in the end. But still, gross.-Mary Carreon


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1 comments
20ftjesus
20ftjesus topcommenter

Hey Hamby, Have you watched The Punk Singer docu yet?  It talks about mosh pits from a feminist perspective.  Highly recommended. 

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