Aries Spears Plays "Would You Rather," Part 2

Jeremy Freeman
I'm scared of dogs so that wouldn't be good for me at all.
Comedian Aries Spears is the king of provoking random (rather disturbing) thoughts to those who follow him on Twitter. Last time the former MADtv star came to OC, we played a game of "Would You Rather" with him and with an upcoming show at the Irvine Improv (May 1st through 4th), we jumped at the chance to do it all over again. Warning: this game isn't for the faint of heart.

See also: Aries Spears Plays a Disgusting Game of "Would You Rather"

OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): How you come up with these outrageous questions is beyond me so mad props.

Aries Spears: I just have so much time on my hands and I smoke weed. When you put those two things together, that happens.

Well I'm going to first hit you with two of your own so you have to put yourself in a ladies shoes because you pick on us a lot. "Ladies if you absolutely HAD to pick, whose balls would you rather have on your chin after an hour in the steam room. Dr. Phil or Trinidad James?"

[Laughs.] Oh my goodness! If a lady were to ask me who she should pick, it would probably be Dr. Phil. He's rich money so his sweaty balls might be different. He might smell like a wad of fifty dollars!

Hilarious. Here's another gem from you..."Ladies for 4.5 million would you lick an old man's balls during a game of bingo till it's over or French kiss Biz Markie in the mouth w/ morning breath?"

[Laughs.] Wowww. I'd be curious to know your answer! I'd probably go with Biz Markie. His breath probably smells like old fishy cheese but the bingo game is longer. Then again if the dude jumped up and yelled BINGO, you'd get a break.

I'm totally with you on Biz. How come it's always 4.5 million by the way? Where'd you come up with that number?

I don't know really. I just think that is the number that I can get away with on Twitter without running out of characters. But hey, I know some people who are willing to do things for a couple of thousand!

OK it's my turn now. You have a video called "How a Fat Person See's Food" where R. Kelly is playing in the background. So, would you rather eat a five star meal that R. Kelly pee'd on or eat a five star meal off of Precious's naked body?

[Laughs.] Oh naked body all day! Yeah, the food isn't going to taste the same once it has piss in it. I don't give a fuck if it was Beyonce's piss. Piss is piss!

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