True Story: Mommy Porn

Categories: True Story

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Jack Grisham
[Editor's Note: Jack Grisham is an author, hypnotherapist, T.S.O.L. front man and all-around troublemaker. This column, True Story, may or may not be factual, with characters who may or may not be real.]

"Hey, Jack, could you write me an ad?"

"For what?"

"A personal ad--I'm looking for a new chick."

"What happened to the last one?"

"She was crazy."

"What are you talking about? I met her--she was great."

"Yeah, until she started getting weird."

"Weird? You're a fucking deviant. How was she getting weird?"

"She was reading and shit. . . ."

"Oh, an intellectual. I could see how that might frighten you."

"No, man, she was reading 'mommy porn.'"

"Like pregnant girls and stuff?"

"No, like bored housewife bondage crap--like, I haven't been screwed for so long that I'm dreaming of vampire lovers and hot wax."

"So what? Lots of chicks read that shit; it's not gonna hurt you. Just let her tie you up a few times, and she'll quit."

"No, man, I dumped her. It was . . . bad."

"What happened?"


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