Ask Willie D: My Best Friend is Trying to Bag My Girlfriend. Help!
[Editor's note: Rap pioneer and Geto Boys member Willie D answers reader questions for our sister paper, Houston Press. Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!]
MY FRIEND IS SUICIDAL
Photo courtesy of Peter Beste
Dear Willie D:
Since my friend broke up with her boyfriend she has been acting strange, and talking about how messed-up her life is. She is 24 years young, smart and beautiful, yet she is always so depressed. She says things like, "I hate my life" and "Sometimes I just want to swallow a bottle of pills and not wake up." I'm really starting to fear for her safety.
I'm always calling, and stopping by her house to check up on her, asking her to hang out, and giving her words of encouragement. We live in Dallas, but her family lives in Austin so I'm the closest thing to family she has in the city. I contacted her parents to voice my concerns, and they came for an intervention. But she put on a front, and they left thinking maybe I was exaggerating.
My brother killed himself when he was 17 years old so I know the signs [of suicide]. I feel so helpless. Knowing that she's hurting and I can't stop the pain breaks my heart. How can I save my friend's life when she doesn't want to be saved?
Your friend does want to be saved, that's why she tells you her thoughts. Nevertheless, she is depressed and may be contemplating suicide. So take her comments seriously.
The best thing you can do for her at this moment is to listen, and continue to be there for her like the true friend you are. You can even suggest that she see a psychiatrist or social worker. Something like, "I'm here for you, and if you want to talk to a professional I'll go with you if you want me to" will do. Be careful to not crowd her, or become judgmental.
She's already thought about the people who she will hurt if she takes her life, so no need to go there. Trying to put her on a guilt trip may be enough to send her over the edge. What's important is that she knows she has support from friends and family when she needs it.
So call her parents, and reiterate the urgency of the situation. She's not weird or crazy. She's a human being who is seeking attention she isn't getting and she just needs to learn how to process the pain. But she has to want to -- I know from personal experience.
MY BEST FRIEND ONLY WANTS TO HANG OUT WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND IS AROUND
Dear Willie D:
My best friend only hangs out with me whenever I have my girlfriend over. Does that mean he likes my girlfriend, or is it just a coincidence?
Hung Out to Dry:
Open your eyes, homey! Your best friend is trying to bag your girlfriend. Your girlfriend is likely aware of his intentions, but is watching you closely to see if you'll man up and handle the situation yourself. Ask your friend straight-up, why does he only want to hang out with you when your girl is around? It doesn't matter how he responds because you already know the answer. You're posing the question to put him on notice so he'll know you're hip to the game he's running.
Check him hard, and if you decide to remain friends, limit his exposure to your girl. If you let the problem fester, neither your best friend nor your girlfriend will respect you. Women like a lot of soft things; men are not one of them.
More Willie D wisdom on the next page.