Six People You Should Never Start a Band With

Categories: Lists

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All illustrations by Dave Watt
Being in a band is hard. Assembling a band is almost impossible. As anyone who's been through a few bands can tell you, meeting a self-proclaimed "musician" should instill about as much enthusiasm in you as meeting someone who is going to college for a career in law enforcement. You're either about to talk to a caring, compassionate, intelligent person or a psychotic, self-serving demon. By the analogy, you can probably guess which is more common.


Despite the intense joy we all take in watching a singer refuse to take the stage until the drummer changes his silk Western-style shirt, there comes a time we must rise up and take a stand. So furrow your brow and focus as we save your sanity by providing six people to avoid when forming a band.

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Dave Watt

6. Attractive Tattoo Asshole

We all know this person -- the charismatic, almost accidentally fashionable and uncompromising artist who poetically suffers by refusing to adapt to society. And has a shitload of tattoos, for some reason.

Truth be told, Attractive Tattoo Asshole is a great social companion. Their flashy appearance and gregarious nature makes them a constant spectacle. If you've ever wanted to get into a hundred conversations with a hundred people you'll never want to see again, Attractive Tattoo Asshole is your greatest ally.

Unfortunately, the narcissism they've cultivated to protect their fragile egos usually leads to some sort of nuclear friendship fallout as you learn they're the kind of person that will ditch you at the bar to go have sex with one of your friends. In your bed. Eventually, you'll start to wonder how such a struggling artist managed to get thousands of dollars of ink all over their body. That's when you notice you're missing some of your guitar pedals.

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Dave Watt

5. Americana Reject

I could write a long and articulate passage on the problem with the Americana Reject, but I'm just going to stick to the initial notes I penned when writing up the first draft of this article:

"Boring coffee-drinking ass, hang out in your artisan cocktail bar. Can't even play the accordion. Fedoras suck."



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5 comments
Josue Montoya
Josue Montoya

I take on way too much fr sure...time to cut the fat mang.

FishWithoutBicycle
FishWithoutBicycle

RE: "Attractive Tattoo Asshole". You know there are folks who act like this individual who have absolutely no ink on their bodies. If you have problems with the tattooed that's another issue entirely...:-(

roman_archer
roman_archer

Ya know, when I read the title of the article, I thought they were actually going to name six musicians you should never start a band with. Now that list would have been far more entertaining! Of course that list could easily extend well beyond six musicians with very little thought. And I'm positive that I've worked with at least a few people that would be on that list. Hey Drew, how about compiling that list again? It would be fun!

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