Masturbating While Listening to Arcade Fire's Reflektor: An Experiment

Categories: say what?

reflektorporn.jpg
By: Luke Winkie
I pride myself in answering the questions that nobody should ever ask. I stand a fierce, passionless reporter, on the precipice of doing something really, really dumb. I am going to watch a bunch of porn on mute and listen to Reflektor at the same time. Maybe I will learn something. Maybe I will make jokes. Maybe I will retire. But most likely I will just write a blog post on the internet. Do I feel like Win Butler has encoded a deep, resonant message about internet pornography into his technologic-neurotic fourth album? No, not really, but an utter lack of direction or purpose has never held me back before.

PHASE ONE - "REFLEKTOR"
SCENE CHOSEN - REGULAR-ASS PORNOGRAPHY

I went over to Pornhub, which is apparently where all the kids get their smut, and pulled up a random video. Some blonde girl with a low-cut top is mopping the floor while Arcade Fire sing about the fragile connections of modern society. Already I know I've made a horrible mistake. The blowjob scene actually sort of looks like it's on-beat, which makes me laugh until I realize it should be making me cry. I really don't get why porn directors feel the need to show us the whole asshole, but when David Bowie sings "Found my way to the resurrector/ Turns out it was just a reflector," I sort of get it. More like RECTRUMKTOR, right? No? OK.

PHASE TWO - "HERE COMES THE NIGHT TIME"
SCENE CHOSEN - RANDOM WEBCAM STREAM

Next up is Freecams.com, where community college degrees go to die. I'm not actually able to mute this webcam stream, which means I'm sort of breaking the enveloping scold of Reflektor. But it actually ends up being a happy accident, because every time Win Butler finishes saying "here comes the night time," the woman in front of the camera says something about her vagina. It's like a new, disgusting song was written right in front of my eyes.

PHASE THREE - "JOAN OF ARC"
SCENE CHOSEN - PROBABLY ILLEGAL RECLAIMED OMEGLE FOOTAGE

So there's this website called Omegle, it's like chatroulette if chatroulette still exists. There's a whole cottage industry of cretins who convince girls to take their clothes off on camera without knowing that they're actually recording the whole thing. This video file is then uploaded to any number of skeevy porn sites for other cretins to watch. "Joan of Arc" has a suitable streak of Shakespearian tragedy to it, so it seemed like the obvious and natural choice. If there is a moment of seriousness in this experiment, it's that in this context, "Joan of Arc" helped remind me just how bad the internet can be for actual human beings.

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