Marty's Is a Fine Bar, But Its Patrons Never Outgrew Middle School

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Taylor Hamby / OCWeekly
[Editor's Note: We all know local music and dive bars go hand-in-hand. So in the interest of merging the two together on Heard Mentality, we bring you our weekly nightlife column Dive, Dive, My Darling. Read as our bold web editor, Taylor "Hellcat" Hamby, stumbles into the dive bar scene every week to find crazy stories, meet random weirdos and guzzle good booze.]

Among the crowd that haunts Marty's Bar and Grill on weekend nights, all have had at least one divorce--and they're happy to tell you about it. While heading from the parking lot to the bar, I walked behind two women just shy of middle age, gussied up as if they were ready for a night at Foxfire, not a night in a Tustin strip mall. I had been to Marty's once before, during daylight hours, so I thought they looked a bit overdressed, in the way you'd be overdressed going to Denny's after prom.

But I soon learned, as the only female wearing shorts and a T-shirt, I was the one in the wrong. Hair was worn high, dresses skintight, and makeup coated thick. The lights were dim, the disco ball spun brightly above a makeshift dance floor, and a band played bluesy covers of "Blurred Lines" and the appropriate "Get Lucky." While the patrons can be a bit flashy, the drinks are anything but--simple two-ingredient cocktails and a no-frills draft beer selection here. It's a sports bar by day, after all.

As I sipped my beer from a leather booth, I noticed a couple seated at the bar. A large, white-haired man savagely sucked face with a short brunette. "These two have to have just met," I thought to myself. No one who has been together for a while displays PDA that fiercely. I noted the lack of wedding rings present and moved on.

A little while later, I met my boyfriend in the enclosed smoking patio. He nudged me and motioned to the right. Our friends attached at the lips were out there with a younger couple. "Are you guys married?" asked the lady from the younger set.

"No, I was married for a long time, but it's not for me," the white-haired stallion said.
"Wow, that's crazy," she replied. "You two look like you've been married--happily--for a long time."

"I love this guy so much," the Silver Fox told the younger man. "I think I'll kiss you." The young man wasn't quite drunk enough to accept that offer, though, and quickly fled.
After another dance, the aforementioned couple returned from the floor. As the two made their way back to the barstools, the man pointed at Dwayne and Henry, two black patrons with whom I was chatting. "These guys are my brothas," he exclaimed, before sitting down with his brunette.

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