Ask Willie D: I Feel Like a Loner at My Job. Help!
[Editor's note: Rap pioneer and Geto Boys member Willie D answers reader questions for our sister paper, Houston Press. Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!]
I'M TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE BUT MYSELF
Photo courtesy of Peter Beste
Dear Willie D:
I have a typical great life; a wonderful husband, great kids, a beautiful house and my dream job. But I feel like I've lost myself because I cater to everyone's needs except my own. I'm the mother who never misses a school function. I'm the wife who is a lover and friend who is always available for my husband's various needs. I'm the employee who stays after hours to finish a task. And I'm the friend who makes herself available for another friend; even if I don't have the time.
Well, I'm tired of it. I need a break, but I don't know how to stop going. I find it hard to say no to or let down the people I love when they're counting on me. If something doesn't give real soon I could have a nervous breakdown. How can I put everyone else's needs on hold for a few minutes a day and set aside a little "me time" without feeling guilty?
Without fail, the older we get the more likely we are to get fed up with meeting everyone else's needs when our own needs aren't being met. To free up some time for yourself you have to learn how to prioritize "essential" and "desirable" tasks. For example, taking your kid to school is an essential task, while hauling her to piano lessons 45 minutes across town three days a week is a desirable task. Take some of those desirable tasks off your plate and use the time you would've spent doing them as your me time.
Learn to say no. You don't have to feel guilty for not doing something for someone or skipping an event when doing so takes away from time that you reserved for yourself. You have to be healthy and happy to have a healthy and happy relationship with your family, because what you put out is what you get back.
Like the message from the flight attendant before the plane takes off goes, in the event of an emergency, please put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting others.
HE KISSED AND TOLD
Dear Willie D:
I'm 19 years old and I had sex with a 22-year-old guy who shared with his friend all of the intimate details about our night together. Afterwards, his friend told someone who knew a friend of mine and it got back to me. At first I was mortified, but then I just blew it off, deleted his number from my phone and cut off all contact with him.
I'm no longer worried about what people think because what I do and whom I do it with is my business. But my question is; why do guys feel the need to kiss and tell?
The primary reason men kiss and tell is for approval from other men. I learned to keep my mouth shut while in my high school Home Economics class sitting around a room full of girls. The thing they hated most about guys was the type who blabbed about who he had sex with; especially if it was with one of them.
Most guys are snakes who are jealous of another guy's conquests. Divulging your sexual experiences with a female only gives them the knife to stab you in the back later, so they can have her for themselves.
More sage advice from Willie D on the next page.