Ask Willie D: My Vibrator Intimidates My Boyfriend. Help!

Categories: Ask Willie D


Dear Willie D:

Please don't think I'm being vulgar. I'm just trying to get honest information from a trusted male's perspective. Sometimes when I'm alone and in the mood I use a vibrator to satisfy myself. I tried to use it as an additional stimulator once when I was being intimate with my boyfriend and he got offended. His exact words were, "What, I'm not enough for you?" It's not like I was trying to replace him.

I still have my little friend but now I keep it hidden. Why are guys so intimidated by vibrators?

Good Vibrations:

Your boyfriend is either an idiot, insecure or both. Maybe if you had prepped him before you whipped that thing out he would have been more accepting of it. A few days prior to being intimate, you could have asked him, "What do you think about women who use vibrators to pleasure themselves?" His reaction would have given you an idea of where he stood on the issue. When communicating your reasoning for using a vibrator as with a man who watches porn, the operative word is reassurance.

If there's a next time, reassure your guy that he is more than enough man to satisfy you; the toy simply adds to the experience. A man who is confident in his ability to work the middle already knows that.


Dear Willie D:

I have been married for six years and have two beautiful children. My problem is that my wife has become a bully to my children and me. She has no regard for other people's feelings when she speaks; including our children's. At this point I may have fallen out of love with her, but I am afraid to leave for the sake of my kids. I fear what she might do.

Our entire marriage was based on smoking pot until we quit about a year and a half ago. We would get into an argument, smoke ourselves retarded and forget why we were mad at each other to begin with. But since we stopped smoking things have gotten worse. She has actually become physically and emotionally abusive. I don't know who to talk to because I am afraid of CPS getting involved and taking my kids.

My kids are all I have. I have no family except for my mother, but my wife wont even let her see her grandkids. I'm at a point where the only thing holding me together are my babies because I swore that I would never leave them like my dad left me when I was a child. I'm not sure exactly what I want or what I'm asking for, but please, anything would be better than my current situation.


I think what you want is to raise your children in a safe, loving environment and what you're asking is, do I think that environment should include your wife? The answer is no; at least not until she gets her act together.

Domestic abuse is a gender-neutral crime. Like women who get abused by men, you want to stay in the relationship for the kids. Physical scars heal but emotional abuse is insidious. It could take a lifetime for your kids to get past the damage already done. You need to empower yourself.

Contact law enforcement and file a restraining order against your abusive wife to keep her away from you and your children. Devise a financial plan to take care of your family and seek counseling. Stand up for yourself and don't be discouraged by people who might laugh at you or not believe that a woman is abusing you.

It's time society recognizes that abuse on any level is wrong regardless of the perpetrator's anatomical parts. Benjamin Franklin said, we are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid. I concur.

Ask Willie D anything at, and come back soon for more of his best answers.

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