Five Songs You Should NEVER Sing To Your Kids According to Lahna Turner

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Obviously you can't sing Sexy Mother Fucker for your kids.
Comedian Lahna Turner might have the sweetest, most innocent voice we've ever heard. But when you listen to the words that actually flow out of that pretty mouth of hers, it's all filth- fueled funny. Packing the comedy clubs from coast to coast with her guitar in tow, Turner belts out tunes that would make your parents cringe and make one instantly cover their kid's ears. Well, maybe not her two kids, son August and daughter April. With this weekend's gig at the Ontario Improv promising to be packed with musical hysteria, we got naughty song-singing Lahna to give us a mother's perspective on the "5 Songs You Should NEVER Sing To Your Kids."


5. Mickey Avalon, "My Dick"

Lahna Turner: This song gets really stuck in my head because I go up on stage to it so, it's kind of like a running theme in my mind. It's so damn good. Kids will sing anything because they don't really know. Well, August will know but his perception is more like, my dick sometimes gets bigger and I don't know why! Then again, [my son] August is no stranger to cursing. He's got a bit of a potty mouth and that mostly comes from daddy. We're working on that. August is a very boyish boy and he's very fixated on his pee-pee so if I played it for him, he'd probably be singing it nonstop for the rest of his life. You should hold off on this song for as long as possible because there's also that one line that's like, "Your dick has HIV." Then they'd be like, "Mommy, what's the HIV?" and that's a whole other song!



4. Nine Inch Nails, "Closer"

I think this one of the greatest rock songs of all times! You hear it and you're immediately like, hell yeah! But you really don't want your kids singing this song. I mean, even on the radio it is like, "I wanna fuck you like an animal!" So they could hear it and not get it, but you don't want them to say it for real because they might repeat it. Unless maybe you want a call from the school. So far we've been lucky to not get a call but this song is pretty up there on songs you don't want to sing around your kids or let them hear just in case.


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