Ask Willie D: The Dude I'm Dating Doesn't Know I'm a Man. Help!
NO JOB, NO COMMITMENT
Dear Willie D:
I've been seeing this guy I met through mutual friends for about a year now. We're sort of undercover -- none of our friends know about us. We go out, have a great time, and spend a good amount of time together, but when I bring up taking things to the next level he says he's not ready for a commitment. It's safe to say I've developed real feelings for him.
Recently I asked him again to commit and demanded a real reason why he couldn't, and he said he can't have a girlfriend right now because he doesn't have a stable job. I tried to tell him that wasn't important to me but he insists that it's important to him. But now I'm starting to think maybe he's using me or worse, he's embarrassed of me. What do you think?
People grow at different rates. Just because he's not ready to go all-in on a relationship at the moment doesn't mean he's using you or is embarrassed by you. Never pressure a person to commit to you in a relationship. Each time you bring up the topic, it will only annoy him and make you seem desperate. If you use arm-twisting tactics to coerce him into a relationship and he isn't ready he will resent you later.
Money is an important component in a relationship. Perhaps he's seen how being financially unstable can ruin a relationship, and he wants to make sure he's achieved a certain level of success before committing so he doesn't have that problem. Continue to be your wonderful self and if it's meant to be, eventually he will take notice and commit. If not, the sea is full of fish waiting to be caught; you just have to use the right bait.
WE'RE DATING BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW I'M A MAN
Dear Willie D:
I met a wonderful man on Facebook and we have been dating online for over two years now. We talk about everything, but he doesn't know I'm a man. My profile picture and photos are of an attractive random woman I found online. He has sent me nude pictures of himself and everything. My profile pictures are provocative, so when he asks me to send him nude pictures, I get around it by telling him I will show him the rest when that time comes.
He is a great boyfriend. Each year I receive flowers from him on my birthday and Valentine's Day. I have the flowers sent to a mailbox with a physical address so it looks real instead of like a P.O. Box. I want to reveal my secret but can't bring myself to do it because I know, not only will it crush him, he will hate my guts, and I will never hear from my friend again.
I spend countless nights crying about this. Is there any way to salvage the relationship and win his trust?
Your "boyfriend" thinks you're a woman but you're a man. That just about kills the whole relationship-trust thing.
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