The 10 Lamest Bands of the '90s

Categories: douchebaggery

311-GH-0712.jpg
Photo by Groovehouse
311 at Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion, July 2012
Talk to some people (we guess), and they'll tell you that '90s nostalgia is the only kind of nostalgia that matters. But let's be honest: Within the '90s-rock spectrum, as far as quality is concerned, there a few groups like Pearl Jam, The Deftones, Live and Sound Garden who (in our opinion) all land in the first couple of tiers. Other acts from that period were a lot, lot worse.

But who, you ask, might those be? Wouldn't you know it, recently we put that very question to a few of our writers.

311
311's music is all lame post-grunge/reggae/jam band horseshit with no edge or art. Face it: frat boys getting into alternative rock ruined it. Ever wonder why indie rock sometimes goes out of its way to be effeminate and twee? This is why. They don't want bro-dudes coming in and douching up the place again. Every time the band cares more about being rock stars than about their craft, you can bet the end result will be terrible. JOHN SEABORN GRAY


4 Non Blondes
I took an informal poll of worst bands of the 1990s and just one person returned with 4 Non Blondes. Good enough. I threw out Nickelback's hanging chads and elected this group. Warbling singing, inane lyrics, Linda Perry looking like the love child of Natalie Merchant and The Scarecrow in that video - and that was just one song, "What's Up," maybe the worst ever written. What's up is your band was hands down the lamest of its era. JESSE SENDEJAS JR.


DMB09-CH-0712.jpg
Photo by Craig Hlavaty
Dave Matthews circa 2009
Aqua
Aqua knew how to write a dance hit. They could wrote some catchy dance backtracks, but when it came to the lyrics and the delivery, they had a little trouble. For one, their female vocalist sounded like she spent too much time watching Disney movies while eating massive amounts of candy.

Then there's the issue of male vocalist René Dif, who might be what pushed Aqua over the edge in terms of lame. Regardless, I'm sure there are plenty of ladies out there proudly sporting "Barbie Girl" as their ringtone. ALYSSA DUPREE


Dave Matthews Band
They're what lawyers and stockbrokers listen to when they want to pretend to be funky. I'm willing to bet DMB have been the soundtrack to more insider trading than every other band combined. From Dave's heavily affected voice to the limp-noodle meanderings of the Grateful Dead-lite band behind him, there's just nothing here for anyone who doesn't get a big thrill out of lighting up a joint at exactly one DMB concert a year, corporate random drug testing policy be damned. JOHN SEABORN GRAY

My Voice Nation Help
50 comments
shitbird
shitbird

Wow, i have to laugh at the crybabies defending these awful bands, and their terrible taste in music. Every single one of these bands is dogshit, and anyone who would pay money to listen to them is an idiot who needs to start listening to music for adults, instead of these candy-ass pisspants pop groups. 

zeeayeseekay
zeeayeseekay

smash mouth? really? i listened to smash mouth hard back in the 5th grade and i enjoy listening to them now,

Iwasthere
Iwasthere

Have always said that about STP.  

Jose.Fonseca
Jose.Fonseca

Article would've been relevant if it was top 10 lamest OC bands.

eazye3051
eazye3051

Lame article.  Everybody can find a band that they didn't like from the 90's.  

MerLaMer
MerLaMer

The top 10 lamest top ten lists from the OC Weekly

Patrick Galvin
Patrick Galvin

Sorry, Orange County, but these bands really do suck. The fact that so many people disagree is cause for worry.

Amanda Pontius
Amanda Pontius

I'm just trying to move past the Eminem comparison to Limp Biscuit. Really? Alyssa Dupree has no idea what she's talking about & sounds like a dumb white girl

WhatIsHip
WhatIsHip

This is the worst list ever and I say 'ever' with no hyperbole intended. All lists like inevitably start off at 'fucking awful' and devolve from there but as such lists go, this one is definitely the worst I've ever seen.

I mean, sure I can appreciate the pretentious hipster douchebag impulse to anxiously criticize anything perceived to be 'cool' by the idiots who made fun of you in high school- my own ticket is punched on that ride- but whoever compiled this flaming turd of an article has literally ZERO comprehension of what constitutes good music. I say this on the basis that they're addressing what is undoubtedly the WORST era in popular music history short of maybe the early 1980s yet they have Dave Matthews and STP on a list of 10?

Further proof that the standards for 'writer' peaked out in the 1970s.

Nathan Odette
Nathan Odette

I thought having a top ten greatest punk bands poll and not including X was bad but this takes the shit cake. Hansen get an honorable mention but STP makes the list. The writer must have a thing for girlboys.

electrokinesis
electrokinesis

This list is why Kraftwerk, Black Flag, Social Distortion and Godflesh were made. 

Ryan J Nolan
Ryan J Nolan

STP back in the day was awesome! 311 was pretty good back in the day also. I remember my old neighbor he was a HUGE STP fan...man that guy threw the BEST parties and pulled so much tail. I dont think that would have been the case if STP sucked...

Staci Williams
Staci Williams

Who decided to write this? Did they have nothing better to do?

Jamie Nicole Rocha
Jamie Nicole Rocha

DMB is full of very talented and experienced musicians who can play circles around today's bands. I'm a fan of punk and ska but I give credit where credit is due.

Josh Ward
Josh Ward

Niko Babic: lol best comment ever!

Josh Ward
Josh Ward

You're lame! Offspring and STP are/were awesome!

Fernando Rios
Fernando Rios

How does OC Weekly stay alive? The way you guys talk so negatively about you cities. How do your advertisers put up with it? Oh yea, they're mostly marijuana dispensaries,quack doctors giving out medical marijuana licenses, and sex hotlines..

Matthew L King
Matthew L King

While most of the bands listed weren't my cup of tea musically, except for Aqua which I still love to listen to, I see no reason for this inane article. It comes off as more of an ad hominem attack for the sake of looking hip. Bashing what was once popular so they can look cool. It doesn't help that none of these writers knows anything about proper grammar and illiteration let alone proof reading. Every one of these reviews just smacks of music snobbery. God only knows what these tools actually like. For my generation, we keep hearing snobs like this bash our bands from the 70's and 80's like Journey and Styx just to name 2. So unoriginal and without thought or reason. OC Weekly is quickly making themselves irrelevant and obsolete with dreck like this.

Jesus M Cruz
Jesus M Cruz

I expect this sort of crap from the LA Weekly not you guys. C'mon guys step it up yo.

Rj St Thomas
Rj St Thomas

Screw whoever wrote this blog... Obviously has horrible taste in music and obviously doesn't know shit about writing a decent blog.

Tony RI
Tony RI

some of the best 90 bands on the list... Lame

Niko Babic
Niko Babic

What a shit article. Isnt there a mexican being mistreated somewhere for you to write about?

Josh Cottrill
Josh Cottrill

Hahahaha you knew I was going to get fired up when they shit talked on 311

Brad Doerges
Brad Doerges

Josh Cottrill was just about to post this on your page haha.

he.masterlink
he.masterlink

where the hell is nickelback on this list???? and creed! put them on here now gustavo!

Amanda Frost
Amanda Frost

311, The Offspring and (in the 90s) Limp Bizkit were all awesome bands. I still like 311 and own every one of the Offspring CDs.

Amanda Frost
Amanda Frost

No Doubt was an awesome band.. her solo shit sucks

Patty Corona
Patty Corona

311 one of the lamest bands of the 90's? Really? You MUST be high.

rrl1965
rrl1965

Yes, but is there a non-lame list?

Erin  Star Hayes
Erin Star Hayes

Why is there no author on this joke of a shit article? "OC Weekly Contributor" is LAME. At least stand up for your BS article!

Jerry Atrixx
Jerry Atrixx

Ive lived in o.c. for 24 years and always lamented the stifle creativity that goes along with a county that group hugs ultra conservatism. The exceptions justify the rule of course. Lit, Gwen Stefani (yes i said Gwen!), Hed PE to name a few standouts. We need a grass roots movement toward creating O.C. own legitimate and unapologetic scene. Something unflappable by the cretins of conservatism.

Phil Maurer
Phil Maurer

"10 lamest bands of the 90's as defined by aging wannabe hipster." - There I fixed the title for you.

Josh Cottrill
Josh Cottrill

311?! DMB?! STP?! You're insane if you think they deserve to be on your list...I think we need a Top 10 Worst Blogs of All Time...

Avery Huxley
Avery Huxley

That's how all the OC Weekly Blogs sound

Jamie Nicole Rocha
Jamie Nicole Rocha

This is one poorly-written article that sounds like it's been written by a 16-year-old high schooler that's PMSing.

Heard Mentality
Heard Mentality

there's a jam band version of this list with their name at 1,2&3

Adam Lovinus
Adam Lovinus

cmon if you want to troll properly, Phish needs to be on this list.

Alex Cassidy
Alex Cassidy

Smash Mouth doesn't belong on this list, even as an honorable mention. Ever hear Astro Lounge? Apart from "All Star", it's a fucking masterpiece.

electrokinesis
electrokinesis

@Josh Ward STP is good, but Offspring fucking suck. And now, that stupid band Fun. sounds like them, but with even less balls and guitars.

Now Trending

Anaheim Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Events

Loading...