Six Rules For Getting Dressed Before a Concert
By: Gavin Cleaver
Christopher Victorio / OC Weekly
When you go to a concert, which is purportedly a collection of like-minded people on the grounds you're all there to see a particular thing you personally enjoy, you have two choices. You can either dress as you think everyone else will, or you can shout, "FUCK IT" into the mirror and dress entirely the opposite way. The middle ground, wherein you try for either and totally misjudge it, is where madness lies. Here's a guide to the etiquette of dressing for a concert.
1. CONSIDER YOUR SURROUNDINGS
Your decision between assimilation and outrage may rest on the perceived violence of the crowd at the concert. Should you, a large hairy man, decide to wear a frilly pink dress to a Kid Rock show, then your cross-dressing may not be met with the same warm acceptance by the tank-top wearing masses as it would be in more enlightened crowds.
2. PICK THE RIGHT SHIRT
Guys, jeans and a T-shirt are acceptable for 90 percent of gigs. However, don't go wearing a T-shirt promoting the band you're there to see. Then you're a try-hard, and no one wants to French kiss one of them. The ladies will instead flock to the man with the T-shirt featuring a band that is one of the group in question's major influences. For instance, at a Tool show, wear a King Crimson shirt. The women will never stop admiring your musical knowledge and prowess.
3. GIVE YOURSELF SOME FLARE
For a rave, grab an item of clothing that is simultaneously the most revealing and the most colorful. If, like me, you are colorblind and unable to figure out what is blazingly colorful, then simply light yourself on fire, thus guaranteeing you stand out and are almost certainly the individual with the most flesh on display (dependent on the duration of the fire).