Ask Willie D: Help! Found Out My Trifling Husband Has Four Baby Mamas
Dear Willie D:
I can't believe I messed around and had a baby by a man who already had three baby mamas -- he never told me about the third one. I found that bit of information out when we were at our ten-year-old son's school watching him play in a basketball game. As my husband was coaching the team, out of nowhere a server walked up to him with child-support and custody papers. I was so embarrassed.
When we got home later that night, he swore to me that although he knew about the baby, he didn't believe it was his so he didn't want to have that unnecessary discussion with me. He told me that his first two baby mamas were crazy and they wouldn't let him see his kids. Now he's saying the mystery baby mama is also crazy. I'm starting to think everything he's ever told me about his past relationships was a lie. He doesn't spend time with any of his kids other than the one he has with me.
I'm having serious doubts about his character as a person and father. His behavior reminds me of a dog who sniffs the rear of every female he sees. What kind of man just goes around sleeping with and impregnating woman after woman? Just thinking about this makes me sick to my stomach.
To his credit, he has been a good provider for my son and me, but I feel bad for the other women involved, and even worse for the children. Am I right to care or should I just worry about my own set of circumstances?
You get major props for at least having a conscience about the welfare of your husband's children and their mothers. A lot of women couldn't care less. Women have to start owning their role in sexing men who make baby after baby with different women. Most people in new relationships are going to lie about their exes to make themselves look good and minimize the role they played in the breakup.
Your husband deceived you, but what was he supposed to do, take you out for a romantic dinner and say, "Babe, I'm a low-down, good-for-nothing, deadbeat dad running from my responsibilities who's trying to hook up and swell your belly; if you take a chance on me I promise things will work out?" He told you the other women were crazy and you took him at his word because you wanted to believe him and you were in love.
Unfortunately, your issue is not isolated. There are a number of trifling men out there who breed like animals. Some of them even think it's funny or cool to boast about it. They see it as a badge of honor.
Although he hasn't bothered to participate in the upbringing of any of his kids before the one he shares with you, as you said, he's a good provider for your son so that's a good thing. It's confirmation that you can teach an old dog new tricks -- to an extent.
RIPPED OFF BY INSURANCE COMPANY
Dear Willie D:
Last week I had a wreck in my car and contacted the insurance company to make a claim. Coincidentally, the wreck occurred on the same day that my policy payment was due - or so I thought. When I spoke to the insurance rep he told me that my policy had expired at 12 a.m. on my due date. I was speechless!
In my twentysomething years of being an adult and paying bills, I was always under the impression that the phrase "due date" meant I could pay my bill on that date, as long as I did so by the close of the business day for said company.
As it stands, my car is totaled and I don't have transportation. I'm not a wealthy person. I struggle paycheck to paycheck to get by. The situation makes me feel like I've been misled and taken advantage of. I'm thinking about contacting a lawyer. What do you think?
In the words of Michael Jackson, you are not alone. I went through the same thing several years ago. Fortunately for me, I wasn't trying to collect on a claim. Your assumption that "due date" meant you could pay your bill on the due date as long as it was done by the close of the business day for the company in question was reasonable. Most companies allow you to do that. However, with insurance companies, depending on the state you're in, if you don't pay your bill before 12 a.m. on the date that your payment is due, your policy will automatically cancel.
The insurance company didn't mislead you so much as they confused you. Read your policy or your ID and Renewal Certificate. I'm sure you will see it states your due date as the expiration date for your policy. If you're still interested in contacting a lawyer, let me know. If you're going to be throwing away money, I'd like to provide the trash bag.