10 Songs to Celebrate the Defeat of DOMA

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Courtesy Big Freedia
Big Freedia
According to my Facebook feed, apparently the gays can get married. Or something like that (I didn't read any of those posts). I'm excited not only because legalizing gay marriage is the right thing to do, but because I've learned weddings are the best way to pick up chicks. So, more weddings means more girls, which is totally not gay (not for me, anyway).

Even more importantly, the term "holy matrimony" is single-person code for "massive party" where everyone gets wasted and has a blast. And you know who throws the best parties? The gays, which means gay weddings are going to be fucking awesome.

So hooray to all my homosexual brethren and sistren! You've now earned the right to be as miserable as every one of my married friends. But before you can be miserable, go weeks without sex, get hit with under-the-cover farts, feel the frustration that comes from your husband/wife's lack of dishwashing ability and sit through countless uncomfortable Thanksgiving dinners, you need to get wild.Here, to help you get wild, are 10 gay-friendly songs sure to make any party fabulous.


10. Big Freedia, "Azz Everywhere"
First, Big Freedia is the greatest emcee alive, so you know I had to include one of her songs. Next, this song is called "Azz Everywhere." Do I need to explain why that rules? Have you not seen a Big Freedia show? You know, where she's got guys and girls shaking their asses on stage? This DOMA defeat will get the right wing wackos upset, but those holy roller fuckers should ditch the religious horseshit and start shaking some asses because when religious wackos start shaking asses, then, and only then, will we truly have equality.


9. Gayrilla Biscuits, "Demos EP"
What's that? You're a tough guy who used to hang out on "the hard corner" in HB trolling dudes but were too ashamed to admit it? Well, thanks to Gayrilla Biscuits, you can be into hardcore and men. This eight-song EP starts with the words, "We're fags!" From there, we learn there's "No Homosexual Surrender" for guys who are "Nailed in the Ass" because this band has the "Gay Edge." Rumor has it, these days Gayrilla Biscuits perform invite-only shows because of an unfortunate incident at a show in 2009. No one knows for sure what happened, but word on the street is that the hardcore pile-on is now outlawed in West Hollywood.



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