Ask Willie D: My Husband Enjoys Porn; Can't Forgive My Dying Father
My husband is a helpless porn addict. He not only has loads of DVDs, he watches porn on the internet daily. The weird thing is he knows many of the girls by name; who does that? I get mad at him because I don't want him lusting over other women even though I know he can't have them.
Our sex life is pretty good but when we are in the moment I don't know if he's thinking of me, or the porn actresses. Am I being insecure or what?
Yes, you are being insecure, but that's understandable considering most women in the adult-film industry are vivacious and uninhibited. But don't trip; they're not real, you are. And they don't share his bed, you do. As long as he's not trying to pee on you or have you do something you don't want to do, let him have his porn.
Let's look at the positive side of your husband's porn addiction. In his imaginary lust for other women you don't have to worry about him bringing home sexually transmitted diseases or having children outside of the marriage. Also, rather than popping Viagra pills, maybe fantasizing about being with the girls in the videos is the stimulant he uses to satisfy you.
You would probably say, "Well, when we're making love he shouldn't be thinking about anyone but me." That may be true, but variety is the spice of life, and life doesn't always have to be real in the bedroom.
WORRIED ABOUT NEGLECTED FAMILY MEMBERS
I have a family member who is very irresponsible. She recently moved from Mississippi to Tennessee. Once she moved here, my mother and I began to help her get on her feet. We helped her get her children into school [and] find a job and a place to live. My issue with her is that she lets her four children do any- and everything they want to. The children range [in age] from five to ten years old.
The mother does not help the kids with their homework. The child who is in the first grade does not know her ABCs, nor can she count past ten. The ten-year-old cannot read a word that have more than five letters in it. She is so worried about getting back with her younger child's father that she completely forgets the older two.
What do you think I should do to help her change her destructive ways?
You and your mother deserve a standing ovation for doing all you have done and continue to do for your family member and her children. But there's not much you can do to make her a responsible parent.
The kids are stuck, unless you can prove in a court of law that the mother is physically abusive or neglecting them by leaving them home alone, not feeding them, or something along those lines; in which case your local child protective agency is likely to remove them from the home so the court can place them with a close relative or foster parents.
Unfortunately, the failure to properly educate your children and teaching them to conduct themselves in a civil manner is not a crime. If it were, a whole lot of parents would be on death row awaiting execution.